Just Kevin, she thought mockingly, as if he were no more important than a comfortable bed or a faded print of some masterpiece. The truth of the matter, though, was that she could have been happy here for the rest of her days, if Kevin had been here to share it. She supposed that was just one example of that dependence he’d complained about.
Enough, she decided. Tomorrow would be soon enough to tackle the future. She concentrated instead on settling in. It took her no time at all to put her clothes away, to shove her suitcases into the back of the cramped closet. Making herself a pot of tea wasted ten minutes at best.
And then she had to face the fact that she was really and truly alone. Always before she had known in the back of her mind that leaving here and going home was her decision, that Kevin would welcome her back. It was entirely possible after the talk they had had last night that he would have second thoughts about resuming their marriage.
She was startled when the phone rang. She considered not answering it, then worried that it might be Kevin. He’d looked fine when she’d driven off, but something could have happened since then. And he was the only one who knew she’d left the Cape, the only one who would expect to find her here.
“Hello,” she said hesitantly.
“Lacey, it’s me.”
“Kevin. Are you okay?”
“Fine. More to the point, how are you? You promised to call.”
“I’m fine,” she said, clutching the phone tightly. So, she thought, they were reduced to polite chit-chat. “I’m sorry. I just got in a half hour ago. I was getting settled.”
“Everything’s okay, then? You’ve locked the door? Checked the windows?”
A smile crept up on her. “Yes. Kevin, this apartment is perfectly safe.”
“Lacey, the security system consists of an old man who’d sell out his own mother for a bottle of booze.”
“That’s not true. Charley is very careful about who he lets in. Besides, he’s not on at night.”
As soon as the words were out of her mouth, she realized they’d been a mistake.
“What do you mean he’s not on at night?” Kevin demanded. “Who is?”
“Actually, there’s a buzzer system.”
“My God.”
“Kevin, it’s fine.”
“Sure, okay. I guess you know what you’re doing,” he said wearily.
“Thanks for checking on me, though,” she said, reluctant now to cut the connection. Kevin’s concern, even under these tense circumstances, made her feel warm and cherished.
But of course that was what this was all about—proving whether she could stand on her own two feet without him there to protect her. She wasn’t sure which of them needed to know the answer to that the most.
* * *
Lacey spent the next day restocking her refrigerator, going through the mail and cleaning the apartment. It gave her one whole day of reprieve from thinking about the agonizing decision she had to make.
By afternoon, a late spring cold front was pushing through, bringing rain and icy winds. The skies turned dark and miserable by five o’clock, mirroring her mood.
By eight she was ready to scream. Fearful of what too much introspection might reveal, she picked up the phone and called Paula Gethers. She sensed that staying busy, that finding a new purpose to her life was going to be the most critical thing to come of the next days or weeks.
“How’s the house coming?” Lacey asked without preamble, hoping to get her friend off on her favorite topic before she could pick up on any unwitting signals Lacey might be sending out.
“Okay,” Paula said, then promptly added, “Lacey, what’s wrong?”
So much for fooling an old friend. “Who says anything is wrong?” she said anyway.
“I do, and I’m never wrong about these things.”
“Look, I was just wondering if you could use my help tomorrow. That’s all.”
“I can always use your help, but something tells me you want to hit nails so you won’t break up the furniture.”
“If you’re suggesting I sound depressed, you’re right.”
“Actually, I would have said angry.”
“Maybe that, too. But I don’t want to talk about it,” she said firmly. “Not now and definitely not tomorrow.”
“Then I will see you first thing in the morning and I will keep my opinion of your sorry state of mind to myself.”
Lacey sighed. “Thanks on all counts.”
“Hon, you don’t have to thank me for letting you work your buns off. As for the rest, you may not want to thank me after you’ve had time to think about it. You sound like you could use someone to talk to. Just remember, I’m here if you change your mind.”
Paula said goodbye and hung up before Lacey could reply that the last thing she needed right now was more talk. She and Kevin had done enough of that to last a lifetime. Maybe if they hadn’t spent so darn much time digging below the surface of their problems, she wouldn’t be questioning the very foundation of her life right now.
She had built her life on loving and being loved by Kevin. Without him, what was left? Her relationship with her son and daughter-in-law to be sure, but they certainly didn’t need her hanging around twenty-four hours a day.
Her thoughts were starting to be so depressing that she made the mistake of grabbing the phone without thought when it rang again. Any interruption would be better than more of these dark reminders of the state of her marriage.
The sound of Brandon’s voice snapped her back to the present. Any interruption except this one, she corrected, wondering if she dared to hang up in his ear.
“Good. You’re there. I’m coming over,” he announced.
“Brandon, don’t,” she pleaded, then realized that she was talking to herself. Her father-in-law had already hung up.
If she hadn’t been so furious, she might have laughed. Brandon was reacting totally in character. He was as predictable
