She sat back in her chair, throwing down her quill. "What do you mean I will gain a reputation? I will do as I want, and no one will stop me. I married the man you all thought fabulous and look how that turned out. He ran off with a maid six weeks into our marriage, and then continued to whore his way about Europe before a husband shot him. No one will censure me for wanting to remain alone, not after Paul."
"I do believe your brother will want you to reconsider your plans."
"Not when he knows how important it is to me," Victoria argued, hating the idea of being told what to do by anyone, even her family. This was her life. Hers to live and enjoy. What was life if one hated all that it encompassed? “And I can do as I please. I’m not a debutante anymore, Mama. I’m a widow, such as yourself. Please try and remember such facts.”
When Paul had run off, after the initial shock had passed, anger replaced any sadness she may have felt. As a man he was free to do as he liked, sleep with numerous women without thought to his wife. She had promised herself that she would never be at another man’s beck and call. Never give them the power to hurt her, humiliate her as she had already endured.
The world was large and getting bigger by the day. So much to see other than English countrysides, grand estates, and the London Season. To change her plans simply because she had found pleasure in another man’s arms was illogical. No matter how much she cared for Albert, the life he wanted was so different to the one she coveted.
She could not settle again.
"I know Mr. Armstrong caused you pain and embarrassment, but Lord Melvin will not. You have nothing to fear from marrying his lordship."
"Nothing but the fact that I shall be stuck here in Hampshire for the rest of my life. Every year pushing out another child that will keep the family happy, so long as at least one is a male."
"You speak as if you are a broodmare."
"Am I not?" she argued. "Is that not what we're all expected as ladies to be? Women of privilege. Marry men of equal value, tolerate all their vices and mistresses they have in London while pushing out their children, putting our lives at risk each time we do so. I do not want that kind of life. I do not want children or a husband, Mama."
There, she had admitted it. Her mother’s face paled, and anyone would think the woman had seen a ghost. Her mother did not speak for a moment, even though her mouth opened and closed several times.
"You cannot mean what you say," she eventually gasped.
Victoria stood, packing the letters she was reading and writing in the little writing box she had brought down from her room. "I do mean every word. You do not need me to have children too. Or to marry again. You have three other daughters already married with children. Josh will be next, and he will do his duty to the family. I do not see why I should have to as well. It is unfair to ask this of me when you know how against it all I am. I cannot trust anyone, Mama with my heart. I will not have it broken for a second time."
"Victoria, darling, it will not," her mother cajoled, but Victoria wasn’t hearing it.
She turned about, striding down the terrace stairs and starting for the lake. She mumbled expletives, hating to argue with her mama but also disliking what was expected of her, even after all that had happened with Paul. It was utterly unfair. Determination spiked through her and she huffed out a breath. It was not to be borne, and nor would she bear it. Never again.
Albert heard Victoria coming through the trees before he saw her. Her mumbling to herself, words such as vexing family, stuff and nonsense, expectations just some of the few terms she pitched out into the world at no one in particular.
He sat at the short dock, his feet bare and dangling in the water on this hot day.
She came into view and skidded to stop when she spied him. He waved, smiling at her and her shoulders slumped before she joined him, kicking off her silk slippers and pulling down her stockings without care to dangle her feet too in the water.
"Something the matter?" he asked her, knowing that there was.
She shook her head, staring down at the dark water of the lake. "Nothing that I am not handling.” She paused. “I will say that had I never married Paul my troubles would be naught," she teased, throwing him a self-deprecating smile. "What are you doing down here at the lake all on your own?"
He pointed to the tackle and rod behind him. "I was fishing. Your brother was here but wanted to go for a ride before it grew too warm."
Victoria raised her face to the sky, giving him the perfect view of her profile. His heart did a little thump at how much he cared for her. How much he longed for Victoria to care for him in the same way.
Was his dream for them a fantasy? Hell, he hoped it was not so.
"It is sunny today. It is probably why my mama is so vexing. She does not like the heat," she admitted.
Albert did not push her to find out what had happened, and instead, offered an idea to please instead. "Would you like to swim? The water is not chill."
Her eyes widened, and she looked back toward the house.
"No one can see us from here," he offered when she looked to refuse. "And I've told my servants not to disturb
