He poured another glass, the room spinning as he drank it down—until he saw and felt nothing at all.
Chapter 34
Victoria was foxed. A disgraceful act and one she was not proud of. Still, nevertheless, she had imbibed too much wine at dinner, followed by proclaiming she was going to bed early, only to then sneak out to the upstairs parlor where she found another bottle of brandy that had been sweet and tempting.
She wandered through the house, no longer caring who came upon her or what her brother and mother would say if they knew she was three sheets to the wind. That Albert had failed to arrive for dinner was her fault. She had made him feel unwanted and alone in his own home. By telling him of her wishes, breaking his heart, he had not been able to face her. She had made him feel a fool, unworthy of her.
Would he ever forgive her?
Albert was sweet, charming, and made her feel things no other man ever had. To throw him aside was not an easy choice. She hated that she had hurt his feelings. In truth, he should never forgive her for her callous actions.
The memory of his touch taunted her. His kisses, his warm body against hers, touching her, making her scream. His laughter and smile. She shivered, knowing that she would miss him even with all the adventures that lay before her. Adventures she would have alone with only her servants for company. Miles of travel, and no intimate interludes to make the distance shorter. No romantic strolls or dinners on foreign shores.
Alone. Alone. Alone.
She downed more brandy from the bottle, only to find nothing but a dribble left. She held it up to the moonlight coming in through large windows in the foyer and realized she'd drank it all.
Oh dear Lord, she would pay for her trouble tomorrow, and she had a carriage ride to endure.
Victoria stumbled into the library, the only light illuminating the room coming from the fire that burned in the grate. Her heart stopped at the sight of the sole occupant seated alone—a pensive look on his profile.
Albert...
Her stomach did a little flip, a nervous titter that he may not want to see her. That his inability to attend dinner had been purposeful. That he disliked her now more than anyone on the planet.
He ought to. She was a terrible person.
She hoped that was not the case. She liked him very much, even if their wishes for the future differed. They could still be friends.
Would he allow her even to ask?
Victoria shut the door and stumbled over to the settee. Having thought to be alone, Albert jumped at her less-than-accomplished appearance before his visage shuttered like a book.
Closed and read to completion.
"Leave, Victoria. There is nothing more to say between us. And need I remind you, should we be caught alone in a closed-off room, you will be my wife, and no matter how much you want your freedom, that will not happen after the fact."
His words were a little slow compared to how he spoke normally. She slumped down beside him, ignoring his warning, and met his gaze. His eyes were glassy and unfocused. "Are you foxed as well? It seems we both have drowned our sorrows into a bottle this evening."
He shifted away from her, and she hated that he did not want to be close to her. A little voice reminded her this was a good thing. She did not want him for herself.
Even so, the move pierced her pride.
"I do not wish for us to be enemies, Albert." Victoria realized she was still clasping the brandy bottle to her chest. She placed it down on the floor. Albert watched her with quiet calm. More than what she could say for herself. Being near him again, alone and in the middle of the night, left her hungry for his touch.
There was something off about wanting a man for what he could do to her but not want the commitment of the action. Maybe one day, women could live life so, but she could not, and being here, she was risking her future alone.
She ought to leave as he said, but she could not make herself move an inch. "Please do not hate me. I could not bear that," she whispered.
He lay his head on the back of the settee, staring up at the ceiling. His throat moved as he swallowed, and she followed the lines of his jaw, the cutting edge to his handsome face, the stubbled jaw after a day of not shaving. He looked disheveled and handsome. And he was telling her to leave.
"I do not hate you, Victoria, but you do not want me. Do not be caught in here and then be forced into a union you do not want. I could not stand it if you viewed our marriage as bad as your first."
She understood all that he said, but still, she did not move. No one was up. They were perfectly safe. And while she did not want to be his wife, she did not want to be anyone's wife. That did not mean she did not crave his touch. His sweet, intoxicating kisses left her breathless, kisses that would keep her warm at night for the many years to come when she was alone.
That word again…alone.
"We can spend some time together before I leave tomorrow, Albert."
A growl of disapproval tore from him. If he meant to dissuade her, he was mistaken. The sound merely made her crave him more. "Do not say such things. They are unfair."
The despair she heard in his voice wrenched at her heart. She did not want him to be sad and disillusioned with her plight, but she also did not want to leave him alone. But she was unjust. Her actions these past weeks all had been.
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