“I don’t blame him,” I said, remembering the bruises I’d seen on all three of them one time or another.
“Luke and Drew refused to see Dad after he and Mom split. As much as I’d wished for a happy family, there was no way it could happen. Too much had gone down. Drew never got over it enough to forgive him, which he was under no obligation to do. If there was ever a guy who didn’t deserve forgiveness, it was the old man.”
“And you?” I asked softly. “Did you see him?”
“I supported him financially as soon as I started making money. It’s not rational behavior, but he was my dad and I couldn’t see him starve to death. He’d have been homeless if I didn’t pay his rent.”
“Why?”
Cole raised a pretend glass. “He drank himself to death eventually. But darned if it wasn’t a slow exit.”
I reached across the table to touch Cole’s hand. “You couldn’t desert him. That’s not how you’re made.”
He raised one eyebrow and shook his head. “I’ve never been too smart.”
“It’s more important to be kind than smart.”
He glanced behind me.
“And Drew?”
Shaking his head, Cole grinned. “He’s doing great, actually. He’s a stuntman in Hollywood.”
“No? That’s perfect.” I could see it as clearly as if Drew were standing in front of me.
“Right? He makes loads of cash and lives near the beach. He’s still working his way through the women of California.”
“I can’t imagine him ever settling down, can you?”
“I wish he would but no. He’s committed to being a bachelor forever.” His gaze turned back to the creek. “I worry about him sometimes. He lives too much on the edge.”
“What do you mean?”
“I don’t know how to explain the feeling. It’s probably a twin thing. I get this sense of dread sometimes, like he’s in trouble.”
“Do you ever ask if he’s all right?”
“Often. He always assures me he’s living the dream.”
I laughed. “That sounds like him.”
He quieted as a sadness came to his eyes. I watched him, curious about his thoughts. “What is it?”
“Do you remember how the Ferris wheel stopped for so long?”
“Um, yeah, I remember.” Even now, I could feel his mouth pressed against mine. The warmth, the rightness of the two of us together. “I’ve often wondered what would have happened if…” I trailed off, remembering my vow to stay away from the subject of my sister.
“Me too.” He looked down at his hands. “I cried when we left. Like a baby.”
“Oh, Cole.”
“I begged my parents to let me say goodbye to you but my dad was adamant. The image of you at your sister’s memorial was the last thing I had of you.”
“I don’t remember a single thing from that day.”
“After the service, I found you out behind the church.” His voice grew husky. “You were crying. I thought my heart would break in two.”
I brought my hand to my mouth. A flash of something, like a torn corner of a photograph, danced before my eyes. It was Cole, dressed in black, sitting next to me on the grass. “I remember. Did we talk?”
“I talked. A week had gone by since Beth’s death. By then someone had already thrown a torch into our yard. My mom was terrified and my dad enraged. They’d told us before the funeral that we were leaving town.”
“Oh, Cole. That must have been so hard.”
“You let me put my arms around you. I held you for a few minutes, and then I had to leave. That was the last image I had of you. Sitting by that tree.”
I shook my head. “I don’t remember. I wish I did. Did you tell me you were leaving?”
“Yes. Which made you cry harder. I promised I’d come back for you someday. Whatever it took, I’d find you. But I never did. I broke my promise to you.”
“We were kids. You couldn’t have kept that promise. Nothing was in our control.” I wiped tears from my eyes. “I’d have liked to have that memory. Hearing it now comforts me. I can’t explain why exactly.”
“I’ve thought about trying to find you so many times. I even went on Facebook one time to see if you were there, but I couldn’t find you or your parents.”
“I’m not on social media because of my students. College kids don’t need any further fuel for ridicule.”
“That makes sense.” He smiled. “I can imagine you in front of the class. You were always so smart.”
“A bookworm, that’s all.”
“The smartest person I ever knew.”
I smiled back at him, a blooming rose under the warm sun instead of a middle-aged woman who had long ago given up on love.
6
Cole
A guy like me hasn’t had the best luck with women. As I sat across from Carlie Webster on a July day in the part of the world I loved best, eating pizza that could hold up to the finest eating establishments in Southern California, I understood in a whole new way what the gold standard of women had always been. She was right there, staring back at me with those blue eyes that had haunted my dreams for thirty years. Was this very moment the reason?
“Did you know me right away?” Carlie asked as she put another slice of pepperoni pizza back on her paper napkin. Logan Bend Pizzeria didn’t bother with plates. They cut their slices in diamonds small enough to devour in two or three bites, depending on the width of one’s mouth. The mouth I was staring at right now was just the right size. I wanted to kiss her more than I’d ever wanted anything in my life.
I nodded as I picked up a wayward piece of
