“And risk getting hurt again?” she asked huskily.
“That’s right,” I said. “A chance with you is worth the risk.”
“I can’t believe this is happening.” Her flush deepened. She shifted her gaze toward the horizon as the last of the sun drifted below the mountain. “This will sound strange, but I feel like myself tonight. Like the person I used to be. Before Beth died. Before you left.”
“Pleased to be of service.”
“I don’t know why I said all that.”
“I’m glad you did.” I picked up the decanter and poured each of us another half glass. The automatic lights I had strung overhead switched on.
She glanced up at the lights. “Those are nice. Romantic for a single guy.”
“I hung them for you.”
Carlie laughed as she cocked her head to one side. “I know that’s not true. Wouldn’t it be a good story? A man hangs lights hoping his girl will see them and return to him?”
“It obviously worked.” Her laugh brought back a sudden memory of chasing her on the playground when we were eight or so. She’d been small and freckle-faced and adorable. “Do you remember how I used to chase you around the playground? What was I hoping to accomplish?”
“I don’t know, but I loved it.”
“Did I ever catch you?”
“I think so. Do you remember when you punched Ralphie Truman because he pushed me and I fell and hit my head?”
“I remember, trust me. I wanted to hurt him, bad.” To this day I could see Carlie on the ground. Her head had hit a rock and started bleeding.
“Then you picked me up and practically carried me into the nurse’s office. My hero. If I hadn’t been in love with you yet, I sure was after that.”
“That rat Ralphie had the nerve to report me to the principal. My mom got a phone call and everything.”
“Did you get in trouble? I never asked you.”
“The typical stuff. Nothing I couldn’t handle.” My dad had taken me outside and beaten my backside, then made me stay outside in the cold until dark. I’d sat under a tree with my knees drawn up shaking with cold. But every moment of pain was worth it. Carlie had needed me, and I’d been there for her. That was all I ever wanted. “I was locked outside for a good portion of the night.”
She made a sound at the back of her throat that sounded both angry and sad. “No. All for me?”
I grinned at her, lighting up inside when she smiled back at me. “I didn’t even feel the cold. Okay, that’s a lie. But I sat there thinking about you. How you looked at me when I escorted you safely to the nurse. I lived to see that look in your eyes.”
Now her eyes filled with tears.
“What’s wrong? I didn’t mean to make you cry,” I said.
She dabbed at her eyes with her napkin. “Losing you and Beth at the same time—there were days I wished it had been me. So many days. I always thought that God took the wrong sister.”
“Carlie, no. You can’t think that way.”
“I stayed with you instead of going home with her. Would things have ended differently?”
“She didn’t feel well. You wanted to stay. What happened was not your fault.”
She wiped her eyes once more. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s gotten into me. Being home and that journal—all of it comes rushing back.”
I got up and offered her my hand. “Don’t ever apologize for how you feel. You never have to pretend with me.” She let me help her to her feet. We stood for a moment under the sparkling lights. I didn’t touch her, but my hands were inches from her upper arms. My self-control was being tested harder than ever before. “All that said, I hate it when you cry. If I could, I’d spend every waking moment making you smile.”
She reached up with both hands and placed them gently on my face. “How are you still so good?”
“I’m not. Not really. But you make me want to be better.”
She shivered.
“Are you cold?” I asked. “I can get you a sweater.”
“It’s not the cold. It’s you. You make me feel things I’ve never felt.”
“I see.” I brushed my finger against the hollow of her cheek. “You’re beautiful.”
“I thought you’d think I looked old.”
“Not older. Better.”
“Are you going to kiss me again?” she asked.
I didn’t hesitate, pulling her into my arms and devouring her mouth. She tasted of wine and smelled of flowers. Her slender frame against my bulk made me want to take her inside and share with her exactly how I felt. I pulled away from her, worried I was losing control. I’d told her she would set the pace, and I was dangerously close to setting it myself.
“What’s wrong?” Carlie asked. “Why did you stop?”
Breathless, I smoothed her hair with my hands. “I’ve never wanted a woman more, but I don’t want to rush. This is too important.”
She wrapped her arms around my neck. “Where have you been all my life?”
“Waiting here with the lights on.”
Later, we lay under a flannel blanket on the chaise looking up at the vast sky with its billion stars. I had her nestled in the crook of my arm. My chin rested on the top of her silky head. A cricket chirped from somewhere in the yard. Moonshine and Duke were curled together on top of the other chaise.
“I didn’t expect for the night to go this way,” she said. “Not this easy or exciting or wonderful.”
“I was nervous for no reason.”
“You were nervous?” she asked. “You didn’t seem like it.”
“Only for a few minutes.”
She reached up to touch my face with her fingertips. “I still can’t believe it’s you.”
“Me either.” Here she was in my arms. Here on my land. All this time, I’d hoped and prayed that somehow she would come back into my life, and now here she
