I check underneath Slonne’s bed, the closet, and then in her chest of draws. “There’s no monsters here, carina, but we have to make sure.”
Slonne inches by my side and points at the bottle. “That’s one of Mommy’s perfumes!”
“Yes. Do you know what else it is?”
Her adorable face forms an innocent smile. “Nope.”
“Something very special!”
“Tell me! Tell me!”
“This right here is not only a perfume.” I take off the lid and ignore the tightness in my chest at the familiar aroma. “This is also a bad dream spray. All we need to do is spray it a few times and you won’t have any nightmares. It only works if you think of nice and happy thoughts.”
“Wow! That’s so cool! I want to do it.”
And so the erratic spraying on Slonne’s behalf begins. She runs up and down the room, spraying at every angle. She tells the monsters to leave and go into Oscar’s room instead. I ward against that and say how we simply want them to perish, not relocate.
It’s a little white lie that doesn’t intend to hurt anybody.
I want her to feel secure and have something to cure the heartache in her chest. I know it’s there and even though the group therapy is helping, it will take time to reach ‘normal’ again. Fortunately, our twins have some form of refuge from this madness. Life works differently for me. There is no spray to resolve the questions circulating in my mind.
Who would want to hurt Addilyn?
“If you do have any nightmares, then we need to re-spray it. It helps.”
“Thank you. It smells like Mommy.” A cheeky grin overtakes her and then I’m being sprayed to death. “There you go! Now you smell like Mommy too. Haha, you smell like a girl!”
I can’t help but belly laugh.
Slonne is feeling much better after we slip into bed. Well, partly because she managed to spray my bedroom while I was away to check on Oscar. Welcome to reminder central.
It’s just past eleven o’clock when she lays her head on my bare chest, her fingers fanning across my abdominal muscles. “Wow, you have six! Are you Superman or something?”
“Not quite, darling. I just want to be a good person.”
“I think you and Mommy are the best people in the world!”
“That’s very kind. I love you, Slonne.”
“Love you.” She giggles and pulls the sheets up higher mid yawn. “I miss Mom and Addilyn.”
A knot forms in my throat. “Let’s try and get to sleep, okay?”
“Okay. Will you save me just in case the monsters still come in?”
“I promise you they won’t come in, but if they do, I’ll turn into Superman just for you.”
That sets her off in a fit of laugher triggering mine.
“Yeah, and Mommy can be Wonder Woman!”
The knot intensifies.
“Sounds good to me. Goodnight, carina.”
“Night, Superman.”
I already know I won’t sleep tonight. A persistent tightness renders me too uncomfortable to simply lie here. To be still and stable, without resistance. But I need to push right through it for Slonne; she needs to get some rest even if tomorrow isn’t a school day.
My fingers thread through her soft waves and just like that, every single moment of our past comes crashing down. It has me holding onto her tighter. I want Slonne to know that I’m never going to leave her. That she is safe.
Right here.
In my arms.
In her mom’s.
With all of us.
Valencia’s scent lingers in the air around me. It torments my every breath and has me yearning for an escape. Some type of way out of constantly thinking of her. Yet, all I’m capable of doing is thinking of her and that platinum diamond wedding ring. Just the thought is enough to transport me back to when I promised her a lifetime of my love and reverence. I would do anything to witness that diamond sparkle on her finger now, for it to catch a glimpse of the luminous moon creeping through the French doors’ sheer drapes and fill the ceiling with rays of kaleidoscopic shapes of the night.
It’s here where the persistent ticking of the alarm clock terrorizes my mind. Tick tock. Tick tock. Tick tock. The same fastidious sound is resonating in my chest. Thud. Thud. Thud.
It beats wildly for several different reasons. All of which are significant. All of which I love. All of which hurt so deeply, that it has me hopelessly whispering into the dreary darkness.
“I miss them too.”
Valencia
“I heard on the news that last week marked six months. It must’ve been so hard on you.” Zoe smiles sadly, observing her freshly red manicure against the sunlight. “Do you think I should have gone for a brighter color?”
“No. I think it looks good.”
“Hmm…true. So, have there been any more leads that the press won’t reveal?”
“Not currently, the case is virtually cold due to the lack of clues. It’s just been a nightmare!” I push through a smile, ignoring the bitter taste pooling in my mouth. “I’m sorry. I have to go, Zoe.”
“I can imagine it’s tough for you and your husband. Well…separated husband, yeah?”
I nod.
I had just dropped off the twins at school and was about to get inside my car when Samuel’s mom, Zoe, stopped me. It’s not my intention to cut her off, especially since the twins only started first grade under a week ago and I do want to get to know everybody, but being late this morning, my first day working for Giulio, isn’t in my plans.
“Is he seeing anybody?”
I arch an eyebrow. “Who? Giulio?”
“Yes! Who else?” She deadpans with a wicked smirk. One that makes me uneasy. “Yes, of course I mean Giulio. We’ve never spoken but I’ve seen him a few times during pick up and drop off. Samuel and Slonne are friends after all… Damn, he’s sure a heavenly sight!”
I’m taken aback.
Okay…how do I respond to that?
“Oh come on,
