The scream halts.
I realize that it was me all this time.
It’s me.
I can’t swallow down my pain. It feels too heavy. Everything’s too tight inside me. It’s as though I’ve been thrown into a deep blue ocean, incapable of taking one breath without the pinching sensation in my head.
“Giulio, what is happening?”
“I need you to listen to my voice, okay? Can you do that for me?”
I nod.
“Let’s try and lie down.” Giulio presses my shaking body to his and lifts me up. Chest to chest, he sits on the bench before lying down on his back with me on top of him. “That’s it. Slowly.”
Then it hits me.
A bolt zooms through me at the flash thought of Addilyn.
All I see is her and the fateful cries that follow.
Our baby is gone.
“No! I can’t do this. I can’t forget her. She’s a part of us.” I cry, struggling in Giulio’s grip until I lift up to my knees, essentially straddling him. “Now they’re coming after all of us. They’re going to hurt the only things I have left! Giulio, they’re going to kill us!”
“I won’t allow that. Breathe. We’ll figure this out.”
“We won’t! It’ll be too late!”
“You’re thinking too far ahead, concentrate on the now. One step at a time, okay?” he murmurs against my neck, seeking to calm my distressed state as he sits up. “I saw the letters. Nobody is going to hurt us. Tell me one thing you’ve read from the handbook I wrote you.”
“That when things happen you don’t forget the tragedy, but in time it gets a little easier.”
“Yes, that’s it. That’s perfect. Now, let’s try and lie back down again.”
“I don’t know if I can…”
“I know you can. I’ve got you, okay?” Giulio’s gives my hands a tight squeeze. “Now, let’s do this again. Nice and slow…that’s it.” I give him my whole body as we lie down against the ottoman bench again. I snuggle into his neck and whilst his left hand remains clasped in mine, the other rubs small comforting circles on my back. “Some deep breaths in together. A deep one. Hold it…good…now let’s release.”
We count ten breaths.
“Tell me about your ocean.”
“Giulio, I don’t know if it will work.”
It’s something we used to do whenever I had panic attacks throughout our marriage. They happened rarely but increased to frequent after the abduction and even more after my diagnosis. Before our separation, Giulio advised me to think about an ocean and everything going on there. It was a tough solo mental game, but it helped.
“We can only try.”
“It’s a calm day.” I start, well aware of the air caught in my throat. “There’s a boat in the distance. A few actually, but I can only see one clearly. It’s the closest.”
When my breaths crash, Giulio responds by letting go of his right hand and slips it through my hair. Just like old times when he played with it, easing me. “What type of boat?”
“I’m not good with boats…”
“Whatever comes to mind.”
“A sailboat.”
“Can you see the sailor?”
“Umm.” I try to think. “Yes. A middle-aged man.”
“Glasses?”
“No.”
“What’s his flaw?”
“He can’t work a compass correctly.”
Giulio’s chuckle electrifies me. It produces a long awaited smile on my lips. “I love that answer. What do you like most about your ocean?”
“The serenity.” My lungs contract and steady in a space of tranquility. I’m grateful as the tension leaves my shoulders. When I my eyes flutter open, heaviness is still persistent, but the burning sensation has lifted from my unsettled body. I wipe at my wet cheeks. “I think I’m okay now. Thank you.”
He helps me to my feet and to the guest chair next to his desk. “You don’t need to thank me, darling.”
There it is again—Darling.
Giulio exits his office and returns with a glass of water for me. The cold, refreshing liquid soothes my throat. When he sits on his leather seat, the one I occupied earlier, he folds the letters back into their envelopes.
“What time is it?”
“Just after one-thirty. Do you know what time it was when you passed out?” Giulio’s gaze flickers from mine to our wedding photo, and the blood drains from my face.
Shit. I never faced it back down!
He doesn’t physically react and that only makes me wonder what he’s thinking.
“I came into the office just after midday, so sometime after that. Bryce stepped into the elevator after me and apologized, however when I didn’t accept it he began disrespecting you. I couldn’t tolerate it any further and got worked up. The letters made it worse and I went into shock.” My voice cracks. “I’m sorry.”
I cannot believe I fell asleep and had a panic attack here.
Giulio frowns. “Did he touch you?”
“No, but I did slap him.”
I don’t anticipate his crooked smile and the wicked amusement in it. “Woah, hold up. Wait a minute. You did? Only one time?”
“Yes, I don’t know what I was thinking…I just got so worked up.”
“Valencia, you’ve just made my day! What did he say? Why did you stop at one?”
And so I tell Giulio everything, along with my greatest concerns of all; Oscar and Slonne. We can’t go to the police which means we’re all alone in this and the probability of something happening to the twins is high. SPD stated it months ago. If Addilyn’s abduction is a targeted attack and the abductor knows who we are, it might be only a matter of time. On the other hand, this could be a case of mistaken identity or simply a sickened mind.
This is the issue with The Window Case being cold. There have been no leads in six months, not until right now with the letters. To me, they carry the hope that if this is the kidnapper sparking communication, the possibility of Addilyn returning to us could be a reality.
But can Giulio and I do this without SPD?
No. Of course we can’t.
Yet we have to.
“Kayla said they were with the rest
