“You and I were supposed to have a quiet night in, right? I thought maybe if you had the kids over instead it wouldn’t make tonight so hard. I’m sorry, lovely, I should have asked first.”
“Don’t apologize, honey. Of course I want to see my kids.” There is nothing more I want in this world. “It’s alright; I’ll face him. Just don’t feel bad, okay?”
“Okay. Well, Giulio was already cooking when we left—Daisy, please don’t mess up your hair!—Valencia? Sorry. They are driving me insane—NO! You didn’t just throw my Ray-Bans OUT THE WINDOW! GIRL, IT’S NOT FUNNY!—ahh, now I have to turn back. Lencia? Sorry again. Um, what was I saying?”
I can’t help but smile. Helena’s strength to continuously put on a brave face for her two children as a widow and successful travel agent always inspires me, especially in times of havoc like right now.
“God, I love you! Don’t worry, I’ll let you go.”
“Love you too. Please pray a car hasn’t gone over my sunglasses. They’re vintage!”
The delightful whiff of basil and fresh sauce welcomes me into my sister’s midcentury modern house—it’s been home for me ever since the separation. We split all the grocery and utility bills in half, even though Helena threatens to kick me out if I pay them. She hasn’t yet! Helena says she has it all covered, but paying my portion for me and my twins when I have custody is the least I can do.
I couldn’t stay in the house Giulio and I once called home after the abduction.
Even during a separation, there are aspects of oneself only a woman’s husband can detect. Like the small differences in my movements or the feelings expressed with the eyes alone. Tonight, I fear that a part of me will give Giulio too much. I fear I’ll appear vulnerable and even though I am, because of what today signifies, I don’t want him to see that.
Giulio is my beautiful undoing.
I met him the day I turned twenty-one. We were married with twins before my next birthday. October fourteenth will mark seven years since we first laid eyes on each other. He knows everything about me, so it’s hard to shy away from how I truly feel when he knows me so well.
You cannot hide from your best friend.
In the bright mudroom, my hazel eyes travel down to my Levi jeans and worn out gray sweater. I’ve seen dozens of women exit therapy doors with cashmere blouses, new season slacks, and superficial smiles. Their hair glows in high buns or sleek fresh blowouts. Mine retains its long wave style 365 days of the year. I’m not like them.
“Mommy’s here!” Oscar and Slonne cheer from the hall, their small feet thumping against the whitewash floorboards. My six-year-olds come into view—grinning first graders as of today. I swear they grow tremendously in the three and a half days a week they’re with Giulio.
“Hello, my angels! Look at you both!”
Their embrace draws me back to my therapist and that dreaded crumbled paper tucked into my back pocket, simply waiting to be peeled out and signed.
“Daddy said you were at a doctor. Are you sick?”
“No. I’m not sick, darling.” I slither my hand through Slonne’s soft brunette hair. “He’s a different type of doctor who helps me with my problems, just like Melanie helps you and your brother. That’s where I was up until now. So, how was your first day back to school?”
“It was good. I loved it!”
Oscar rolls his eyes at his sister’s optimism. “She’s lying. It was so boring.”
“Am not.” Slonne’s smirk is the spitting image of her father’s. “I’m smart. That’s why I like it.”
“Don’t make me tell on you!”
“I have no secrets!”
“Yeah, you do…”
“Don’t.” Slonne instantly deflates at her brother’s arched eyebrow. “Don’t you dare tell on me.”
“You’re both equally intelligent.” I kiss their foreheads, idly glancing between them in awe. “So, Slonne’s got a secret, huh?”
“Yep. She got married.”
“Did not. He is my friend!”
“He kissed her on the cheek!”
There’s a pause and then, “Is that so?”
Him.
I know that soothing, deep husky voice. How can I not? It’s the same voice that used to comfort my every fear, a voice I could have listened to forever. Now…hearing it whirls me in a pit of angst.
Giulio’s playful tone towards Slonne has her smiling awkwardly. “Uh…yes.”
“A boy kissed you?’
“Only on the cheek, Daddy! Then he told me he loved me.”
“Come here, carina.” His body shifts in my periphery until he’s crouched down beside our daughter. I’m still incapable of glancing over. “Come here so Daddy can tell you something.”
It weighs on me that if Addilyn were with us today, we would have never had a falling out. Our marriage would be stable. I would be able to look him in the eye without any reminders.
You can do this, Valencia.
Slonne steps forward and gives Oscar an evil eye.
It’s only when Giulio wraps her in the solace of his arms that I look at him. His black hair is slicked black perfectly and his signature short stubble makes my heart swell. I’m a sucker for stubble. Giulio is elegantly dressed like the dapper gentleman he’s always been. A crisp white dress shirt with a couple of buttons undone brings out his eyes. He wears charcoal slacks and his signature pointed Italian black leather shoes. His sleeves are rolled to his forearms, exposing his Rolex and that beautiful olive skin.
It feels like yesterday when those arms were wrapped around me. The reminders of what we used to have come crashing down violently. So much so that I draw a hand to my throat, stabilizing how dry it’s become. I still feel the tip of Giulio’s fingers skim over my tender skin.
