I hear my door open. “What are you thinking about?”
My eyes open to Giulio looking down at me smiling, his hands outstretched on the roof of his car. “Small nuggets of hope. Or like Slonne likes to call them, nussets.”
Our laughter fades and we become nothing more than two broken souls watching each other. Time stops when Giulio crouches down and his hand falls upon my right thigh. Both our gazes drop there, simply analyzing how he circles my knee and later spreads up over my light blue Levi jeans. Every single second bursts at the electric waves beneath his palm.
“Sei molto capace di questo. Lo prometto.”
You are very capable of this. I promise.
Giulio’s hand halts at mid-thigh. It burns through the fabric. Teasing me to set me free. It’s the same allusive feeling he made me feel on Friday night before he rushed out of my house.
In a matter of three weeks working with him, we’ve gone from broken to a place of comfort. One where both of our voices are heard. It was only last week I told myself that there had to be an end to this, that we shouldn’t have any future, but now I’m not so sure. Nobody gets me like he does and we’ve overcome so much together.
Is it bad that I…want him?
That even though we still don’t see eye to eye on the investigation, Giulio is still everything to me. His tendency to be strong, passionate, and kind to me in these last days…I recognize it as the man I married and I need that.
“I should make one thing clear, Valencia. I want only good things from you. For us.”
“So do I.”
“The other night…” He looks over his shoulder, his face tight. I want to reach out and hold him. I want to declare that everything will be okay if he just kisses me. That this is only a phase in our life and I can’t do this life without him. But…how am I supposed to believe everything will be okay when the entire world is burning at our feet?
“The other night I wasn’t ready to say goodbye.” He starts. “But, I knew that if I didn’t leave when I did, I may have never left. There was fire in my veins every time I looked at you and all I wanted to do was get burned. To protect you from every danger. To find a place of no fear, no hurt, no fighting. A place where we can try again and be safe within each other’s arms. Where the only healing we need is each other. Where we will find some way to heal from the head down, properly, so we can raise our family. To allow our children to be proud and brave warriors. You gave me all of those feelings seven years ago and Friday night they strengthened. I couldn’t stop thinking about it back then and I can’t stop thinking about it now. I left so abruptly because I feared you may not want any of this.”
Oh my god.
My hands lace into Giulio’s and they assist me out of the car, into a purified state of mind. I pull his body into mine and hug him. When my cheek presses against his solid chest, I feel so alive.
Seattle’s air mixes with his warm touch. I’m holding him with so much need, desire, and assurance, that when his own hands sink into my waist, everything but the truth escapes me. “That was beautiful, Giulio. Friday night I forgot about all the barriers and remembered everything all at the same time. I know it sounds confusing but…it was us and it felt so refreshing and inviting.”
“I love us.” Giulio sighs in relief, his face falling to the crook of my neck. “I’m going to win you back, Lencia. One of these days you’ll be mine again. One of these days we are going to be happy and nothing will ever break us again. Tell me you want this too. Tell me you still feel what I feel.”
“Yes, I feel it.” We pull back and he cups my cheeks, searching my watery eyes. His crowfeet deepen and I smile through the pain at the explosions in my chest. “I feel it all with you.”
My lungs are working so hard that I can’t even see him straight through the tears he wipes away as they fall. I know this won’t be easy and will be one of the toughest things we’ve overcome, but as scared as I am, I’m also happy. And I’ve longed for that feeling for the past months.
Giulio’s hand slips into mine and with a tight squeeze, we climb the stairs to the building. The stark reality of the words we’ve exchanged excites me, but worry also manifests.
We will find some way to heal from the head down, properly, so we can raise our family.
I’m going to win you back, Lencia.
One of these days you will be mine again.
Dr. Michael Eross welcomes us in. The intimate studio has been my second home within these last few months. Whenever I step inside, any heaviness I feel escapes me. I feel heard. Instead of trapping the words inside my mind for the past six months, here they roll off my tongue with no judgment.
Giulio and I tell him everything. The progression on The Window Case, how we want to concentrate on finding a balance between good communication and getting our diverse points across without the arguments. Then there’s the other issue: how to separate the disappearance and our broken marriage.
Michael advises us that instead of constantly concentrating on both issues and getting overwhelmed, we need to identify boundaries and triggering sentences that onset the arguments. It is vital to remain proactive instead of reactive. Identify that there are two individual issues to sort through and prevent combining
