Whatever miracle poison they put into us makes its way into our brain and replaces each neuron one by one over the last year or so of the cycle. People don’t really die anymore as long as they have credits for Lethe pills; they simply forget and are forgotten. But, don’t take it the wrong way. Lethe doesn’t care about us. The immortality pills aren’t them being nice. Dead citizens don’t contribute very much, and with fertility slowed to a halt, it’s in their best interest to keep us alive and working. We make it possible for them to exist. They need us, at least for now.
“Visitation ended 25 minutes ago, Palin. You’re going to break curfew again. It’s already dark.”
The nurse is back.
Reeling me back from the depths of my mind, her words summon a sigh from my lips. The feeling of urgency in the stale, lifeless air becomes a little more potent. She’s a brief blur in a city out of focus, and I haven’t rested a blink in days. How could I?
My guilty eyes are drawn to her smoothness for less than a second before they shoot back to the bland, tile floor. Her skin is young. Her short blonde hair pushed behind her ears contrasts the faded black uniform loosely sprawled over her shoulders. It’s not much of a uniform, a few pockets here and there stitched on a worn piece of fabric. She waits patiently for vitals to appear on her screen, content. Sapphire eyes that look as if they could pierce steel stare off into the striped texture of the paint haphazardly slapped on the block walls around us. Humming to some shit Olympian song, her mind is as absent as Kalli’s like she’s somewhere I’m not. I miss being that carefree. It’ll quickly fade. Always does with the fresh born.
“You don’t remember me, do you?” I ask already knowing her answer.
On her machine a sound chimes. She silences it with a few touches to the screen and looks up. “Obviously, I remember you, Palin. You’ve been here at the infirmary every day for two weeks now.”
“No… I mean from before? You’re still going by Jacee, right?”
She touches her tattoo of the same name on her inner forearm.
“You used to be a friend of Kalli’s... I don’t mean to startle you-”
“No, you’re fine. I’m just, you know, still trying to get used to… everything,” she says half smiling.
We let silence drift through the thin air that reeks of chemicals and sorrow.
“Can I ask you something?” I mumble before she reaches the door.
“Of course. That’s what I’m here for.”
“What do you remember? If you don’t mind me- I’m sorry if that came off as intrusive or insensitive.. I just need to know.”
“Well, I don’t remember anything. It’s like I’m a totally different person… just borrowing a body that I’ll eventually have to pass down to my replacement.”
“Were you afraid? I don’t want her to be afraid.”
“I don’t know what I was to be honest with you, Palin. At first, everything’s a white nothing. In every direction, nothing. Like I’ve never existed before that moment, yet my instincts acted as if I’ve always been. I don’t think I was afraid. I was just… aware. Kalli will be fine though, she’s in good hands and she has you protecting her. That’s more than most people have.” Jacee turns back before leaving, “Like the manual says, this is life now.”
Every single day these tired walls wear their same shade of blue with the most depressing stripes of grey imaginable as if someone is forcing them to exist. The abundance of chipped paint and scuff marks of rubber-wheeled gurneys tell me they’ve been standing for quite some time now. I wonder how many times I’ve been in this same room and have simply forgotten. How many times have I sat beside Kalli in this very chair during a past mind cycle? Did we even know each other before? The hair on my arms and neck rises to attention as a wave of vulnerability surges through me. Suddenly, I feel small. I wonder what it’s like to remember.
“I’ll be here tomorrow when you wake up,” I say aloud, hoping deep down Kalli can hear me somehow and feel at ease. The words drift in the empty air while I reach for the remote on the infirmary’s version of a nightstand. My anxiety steals one last glance of her before I kill the TV and force myself out of this softened reality.
She looks so calm resting. Absolute serenity. Her flowing brown locks twirl down her chest and around her linens. Soft, pale hands lay peacefully at her side. It’s like the universe stands still for her. I can’t lose her. I’ll make her remember. I will.
I’ve done the math. The odds of me finding someone this amazing AND on roughly the same mind cycle as me are damn near zero. Maybe if I escaped this hell hole and find my way to the capital, which is never going to fucking happen. Even if it did, and they gave me the chance to go to Olympia freely, set me up with the nicest gig credits can buy, I still would turn it down for my Kalli. Just wouldn’t be worth it without her. How cou-
The door flies open slamming loudly against the block wall.
My heart skips a beat.
My body refuses to run or scream or make any decision.
A half dozen Lethe officers invade the room shouting all at once, blasters aimed at
