All of that was Jasper.
I didn't understand how it had escaped Cole's notice for two years. It was torture for me. Work was the only place I felt safe. I wasn't proud of myself at all for not being there for Jacob like I had dreamed. Life hadn't worked out the way I had planned it two years ago.
I buried my hands in my hair and closed my eyes, resting my elbows on the desk. How was I going to fix all this with the dark cloud of my lie being discovered constantly hanging over my head? I was so, so afraid to lose Cole. I'd already lost one man I'd loved and thought of as my family. I didn't want to go through the same thing with my husband who tried his best to make things work.
He messed up but he also did whatever he could to make things right. I felt sorry for him. Cole reminded me of one of those conflicted human beings who couldn't bring themselves to choose between two people they loved. I'd been in his place once. I understood that. I'd run away instead of facing the truth but Cole never ran. Cole would never run.
Unless he found out what I was hiding. The secret grew so heavy on me. So burdensome. I wished there was someone I could talk to about it. Just let it all out and cry. And not be judged for it. I hadn't meant to hurt anyone at all. But I had nobody. Even my friend Olivia had sort of lost touch with me and hardly even texted. Mostly because I had become so busy working on my career and marriage.
There was a knock on my door and I looked up to see Cole enter the office with Jacob in tow. They both looked handsome in matching outfits, navy jeans and white t-shirts, and it made my lips twitch. If Jasper was here, he'd call them his little boys.
A twinge of regret hit my chest. If Jasper was here...
But he couldn't be here, could he? He'd ruined it all over a fling. Destroyed everything meaningful in the process. I never wanted to see his face again.
Cole settled into a chair with Jacob on his lap and they both regarded me solemnly. "Jacob," my husband said without taking his eyes off me. "Do you have something you want to give Mommy?"
Jacob frowned slightly and removed a paper from his pocket before holding it out to me. I took it and opened the folded paper to find the words 'We miss you' painted on it. And they'd also painted stick figures of the three of us underneath. I smiled at it with tears filling up my eyes, unable to say anything for a while. When I glanced up, Cole was looking at me affectionately.
"Any chance you could put that in the exhibition?" he asked me with a twinkle in his eyes, behind those glasses. "We're not experts or anything but it did take us about an hour to get it right."
I gave a broken little laugh and got up to go over to them, bending and hugging them both. "I love you so much," I said with feeling.
Turning his head, Cole kissed me softly on the lips, looking deep into my eyes like I was all that mattered to him in that moment. "I love you too, baby."
"Love you."
It was Jacob who said those last two words and I removed him from Cole's lap to give him a tight hug which caused him to wriggle and protest.
"Mommy! Stop! I want to go!"
I laughed and kissed his hair before putting him down. He immediately went over to the shelves in one corner of my office to investigate something. Cole and I exchanged a long look.
"I'm sorry," we both said at the same time and then let out a laugh.
"Let's order lunch," I suggested softly and he nodded at me.
It was a brief respite from the war our marriage had become but still, I was more than grateful for it.
****
Chapter Nine
Jacob
Lights.
So many lights.
Colours and noise.
Lots of people.
Laughing.
Talking.
I don't like it.
I like Mommy and Daddy.
Don't like my nice clothes.
I want to go home.
I see a man.
A big man.
He's far away.
I know him.
I smile and pull Daddy's hand.
"Daddy, look."
Daddy smiles at me.
He comes down.
I point to the big man.
"It's Jasper."
****
Chapter Ten
Armaan's engagement night.
...
Cole
I was hearing the result of two years worth of memories recorded in a kid's brain via photos and videos he had watched with me on my phone while looking completely bored the entire time. It was the first time he had spoken Jasper's name. I hadn't even known that he could say it. That he would remember to attach it with a person he had never even met.
But when I looked, there was no sign of the man whose name my son had uttered. Surely Jacob was mistaken. Maybe it was just somebody who reminded him of Jasper. There were so many people here at Armaan's engagement party. Almost two hundred, consisting of family, relatives and close friends of his and Layla's.
Their celebrations were fun and enjoyable and Skye had really wanted to attend as well. Our friendship with Armaan had continued over the years despite the situation between his wife and Jasper. That was all on them. We
