Jasper was coming back to me.
****
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Jasper
Home.
It isn't a place. I realised that a little late in life. Home is...the person that makes you feel like you belong. The person with whom you can just be. The person who is always happy to see you no matter what they are going through.
As I stood on the threshold of Cole and Skye's house, I felt both sadness and joy. My life was so different now. I was so different now. The man I had been three years ago when I lived with my two partners didn't exist anymore. He had been shaped into something else.
I exhaled long and hard and then lifted my hand to knock on the door. I just wanted my son. Kids...they don't judge you. They don't even remember what you did a couple of years ago. There was an innocence in their acceptance. And it was the only kind of acceptance I needed right now.
Skye opened the door and smiled at me. "Hi," she said and I nodded at her.
"Hi."
She moved aside to allow me to enter. "Come on in. Cole's in the shower upstairs. Jacob's right here. You can meet him now."
I nodded again and stepped inside, dragging my suitcase behind me. She closed the door and stood beside me as I watched him.
He didn't notice me at first, so busy was he in concentrating on his building blocks. I was nervous. God. I had never been nervous in my entire life. Not even when I first kissed a girl. Not even when I realised I liked men too and approached one for sex for the first time. Not when I was fresh out of college going for my job interviews. And not when I decided to become a freelance photographer and make it on my own.
But this moment made me so nervous. I wanted him to like me so bad.
"Jacob?" Skye called to him and he looked up at her.
Then he noticed me standing there and just stared at me. I didn't know what to do. Do I say something? Do I go over and pick him up and crush him in my arms like I would never let him go? Do I just stand there waiting for him to give me a response? What?
He got up then and just sprinted over to Skye to take a hold of her legs and then stare at me even more. I held back a smirk. When Jasmine had told me about Jacob being my son, I hadn't gone to Skye straight away. I had needed some time to just process and get used to the idea. And then she'd told me about meeting him in the library at Armaan's home.
'He stares a lot,' she had said in a matter-of-fact tone. 'Like in a creepy way.'
I could see how right she was. Not about it being creepy because there's no way I would ever find Jacob creepy. But about the staring. It kind of eased my tension and I just grinned at him before going down to his level.
"Hey, Jacob," I said softly and held out my hand. "I'm Jasper. It's so nice to meet you."
I looked into his eyes, twin pools of azure and I knew. I just knew that him and I were going to be good friends.
He glanced at my hand with his head inclined to one side, looked at my face again and then back at my hand as though he was studying it or something. Then he just reached out with his own little hand and slid it over my palm. I didn't shake it. I simply looked at his small hand resting on my big one for a while and fought the urge to cry.
I'd missed out on that first touch. That first clench of his fist around my finger. The first time he opened those blue eyes to see my face and know me. His first smile, his first steps. If it hadn't been for Cole posting all those videos, he would be a complete stranger to me.
"Jasper," he said solemnly, like he recognised who I was.
I didn't think. I just slid one arm around his little frame and scooped him up to hold him to myself as I got to my feet. Jacob didn't protest. He didn't speak or squirm. He just let me hug him while pressing his cheek to my shoulder.
Skye was watching us with a surprised expression on her face. When neither Jacob nor I moved or spoke, she took a couple of steps back and pressed herself against the door, her face growing pale. Her eyes met mine and there was so much regret in them.
I couldn't smile at her with the ache of having missed out on so much so fresh in my heart. I did her wrong for sure. But...what she did, no matter how many reasons she uses to justify her actions, was wrong too. You don't take someone's child away from them unless you really feel he or she is a danger to the child.
Jacob lifted his head his head and blinked at me with that serious look again. I smiled at him with all the love I had in my heart.
"I'm sorry," I said and of course, he didn't know what I was apologising for. The lost years. The fact that I had behaved so badly that his mother didn't think me worthy of being in his life. But I needed to tell him and his response was to put his hands on my cheeks and rub them, like he was feeling my stubble.
Oh
