The Doctor’s Dilemma

must have great influence with them. You must know such lots of things about them⁠—private things that they wouldn’t like to have known. They wouldn’t dare to refuse you. Ridgeon Exploding. Well, upon my⁠— Louis opens the door, and admits Sir Patrick, Sir Ralph, and Walpole. Ridgeon Proceeding furiously. Walpole: I’ve been here hardly ten minutes; and already he’s tried to borrow £150 from me. Then he proposed that I should get the money for him by blackmailing his wife; and you’ve just interrupted him in the act of suggesting that I should blackmail my patients into sitting to him for their portraits. Louis Well, Ridgeon, if this is what you call being an honorable man! I spoke to you in confidence. Sir Patrick We’re all going to speak to you in confidence, young man. Walpole Hanging his hat on the only peg left vacant on the hatstand. We shall make ourselves at home for half an hour, Dubedat. Don’t be alarmed: you’re a most fascinating chap; and we love you. Louis Oh, all right, all right. Sit down⁠—anywhere you can. Take this chair, Sir Patrick indicating the one on the throne. Up‑z‑z‑z! Helping him up: Sir Patrick grunts and enthrones himself. Here you are, B.B. Sir Ralph glares at the familiarity; but Louis, quite undisturbed, puts a big book and a sofa cushion on the dais, on Sir Patrick’s right; and B.B. sits down, under protest. Let me take your hat. He takes B.B.’s hat unceremoniously, and substitutes it for the cardinal’s hat on the head of the lay figure, thereby ingeniously destroying the dignity of the conclave. He then draws the piano stool from the wall and offers it to Walpole. You don’t mind this, Walpole, do you? Walpole accepts the stool, and puts his hand into his pocket for his cigarette case. Missing it, he is reminded of his loss. Walpole By the way, I’ll trouble you for my cigarette case, if you don’t mind? Louis What cigarette case? Walpole The gold one I lent you at the Star and Garter. Louis Surprised. Was that yours? Walpole Yes. Louis I’m awfully sorry, old chap. I wondered whose it was. I’m sorry to say this is all that’s left of it. He hitches up his smock; produces a card from his waistcoat pocket; and hands it to Walpole. Walpole A pawn ticket! Louis Reassuringly. It’s quite safe: he can’t sell it for a year, you know. I say, my dear Walpole, I am sorry. He places his hand ingenuously on Walpole’s shoulder and looks frankly at him. Walpole Sinking on the stool with a gasp. Don’t mention it. It adds to your fascination. Ridgeon Who has been standing near the easel. Before we go any further, you have a debt to pay, Mr. Dubedat. Louis I have a precious lot of debts to pay, Ridgeon. I’ll fetch you a chair. He makes for the inner door. Ridgeon Stopping him. You shall not leave the room until you pay it. It’s a small one; and pay it you must and shall. I don’t so much mind your borrowing ten pounds from one of my guests and twenty pounds from the other⁠— Walpole I walked into it, you know. I offered it. Ridgeon —they could afford it. But to clean poor Blenkinsop out of his last half-crown was damnable. I intend to give him that half-crown and to be in a position to pledge him my word that you paid it. I’ll have that out of you, at all events. B.B. Quite right, Ridgeon. Quite right. Come, young man! down with the dust. Pay up. Louis Oh, you needn’t make such a fuss about it. Of course I’ll pay it. I had no idea the poor fellow was hard up. I’m as shocked as any of you about it. Putting his hand into his pocket. Here you are. Finding his pocket empty. Oh, I say, I haven’t any money on me just at present. Walpole: would you mind lending me half-a-crown just to settle this. Walpole Lend you half⁠—his voice faints away. Louis Well, if you don’t, Blenkinsop won’t get it; for I haven’t a rap: you may search my pockets if you like. Walpole That’s conclusive. He produces half-a-crown. Louis Passing it to Ridgeon. There! I’m really glad that’s settled: it was the only thing that was on my conscience. Now I hope you’re all satisfied. Sir Patrick Not quite, Mr. Dubedat. Do you happen to know a young woman named Minnie Tinwell? Louis Minnie! I should think I do; and Minnie knows me too. She’s a really nice good girl, considering her station. What’s become of her? Walpole It’s no use bluffing, Dubedat. We’ve seen Minnie’s marriage lines. Louis Coolly. Indeed? Have you seen Jennifer’s? Ridgeon Rising in irrepressible rage. Do you dare insinuate that Mrs. Dubedat is living with you without being married to you? Louis Why not? Echoing him in various tones of scandalized amazement: B.B. Why not! Sir Patrick Why not! Ridgeon Why not! Walpole Why not! Louis Yes, why not? Lots of people do it: just as good people as you. Why don’t you learn to think, instead of bleating and bashing like a lot of sheep when you come up against anything you’re not accustomed to? Contemplating their amazed faces with a chuckle. I say: I should like to draw the lot of you now: you do look jolly foolish. Especially you, Ridgeon. I had you that time, you know. Ridgeon How, pray? Louis Well, you set up to appreciate Jennifer, you know. And you despise me, don’t you? Ridgeon Curtly. I loathe you. He sits down again on the sofa. Louis Just so. And yet you believe that Jennifer is a bad lot because you think I told you so. Ridgeon Were you lying? Louis No; but you were smelling out a scandal instead of keeping your mind clean and wholesome. I can just play with people