Since Olivier could not count on those who were mentally akin to himself, as they did not read, he was delivered up to the hosts of the enemy, to the mercy of men of letters, who were for the most part hostile to his ideas, and the critics who were at their beck and call.
His first bouts with them left him bleeding. He was as sensitive to criticism as old Bruchner, who could not bear to have his work performed, because he had suffered so much from the malevolence of the Press. He did not even win the support of his former colleagues at the University, who, thanks to their profession, did preserve a certain sense of the intellectual traditions of France, and might have understood him. But for the most part these excellent young men, cramped by discipline, absorbed in their work, often rather embittered by their thankless duties, could not forgive Olivier for trying to break away and do something else. Like good little officials, many of them were inclined only to admit the superiority of talent when it was consonant with hierarchic superiority.
In such a position three courses were open to him: to break down resistance by force: to submit to humiliating compromises: or to make up his mind to write only for himself. Olivier was incapable of the two first: he surrendered to the third. To make a living he went through the drudgery of teaching and went on writing, and as there was no possibility of his work attaining full growth in publicity, it became more and more involved, chimerical, and unreal.
Christophe dropped like a thunderbolt into the midst of his dim crepuscular life. He was furious at the wickedness of people and Olivier’s patience.
“Have you no blood in your veins?” he would say. “How can you stand such a life? You know your own superiority to these swine, and yet you let them squeeze the life out of you without a murmur!”
“What can I do?” Olivier would say. “I can’t defend myself. It revolts me to fight with people I despise: I know that they can use every weapon against me: and I can’t. Not only should I loathe to stoop to use the means they employ, but I should be afraid of hurting them. When I was a boy I used to let my schoolfellows beat me as much as they liked. They used to think me a coward, and that I was afraid of being hit. I was more afraid of hitting than of being hit. I remember someone saying to me one day, when one of my tormentors was bullying me: ‘Why don’t you stop it once and for all, and give him a kick in the stomach?’ That filled me with horror. I would much rather be thrashed.”
“There’s no blood in your veins,” said Christophe. “And on top of that, all sorts of Christian ideas! … Your religious education in France is reduced to the Catechism: the emasculate Gospel, the tame, boneless New Testament. … Humanitarian claptrap, always tearful. … And the Revolution, Jean-Jacques, Robespierre, , and, on top of that, the Jews! … Take a dose of the full-blooded Old Testament every morning.”
Olivier protested. He had a natural antipathy for the Old Testament, a feeling which dated back to his childhood, when he used secretly to pore over an illustrated Bible, which had been in the library at home, where it was never read, and the children were even forbidden to open it. The prohibition was useless! Olivier could never keep the book open for long. He used quickly to grow irritated and saddened by it, and then he would close it: and he would find consolation in plunging into the Iliad, or the Odyssey, or the Arabian Nights.
“The gods of the Iliad are men, beautiful, mighty, vicious: I can understand them,” said Olivier. “I like them or dislike them: even when I dislike them I still love them: I am in love with them. More than once, with Patroclus, I have kissed the lovely feet of Achilles as he lay bleeding. But the God of the Bible is an old Jew, a maniac, a monomaniac, a raging madman, who spends his time in growling and hurling threats, and howling like an angry wolf, raving to himself in the confinement of that cloud of his. I don’t understand him. I don’t love him; his perpetual curses make my head ache, and his savagery fills me with horror:
“The burden of Moab. …
“The burden of Damascus. …
“The burden of Babylon. …
“The burden of Egypt. …
“The burden of the desert of the sea. …
“The burden of the valley of vision. …
He is a lunatic who thinks himself judge, public prosecutor, and executioner rolled into one, and, even in the courtyard of his prison, he pronounces sentence of death on the flowers and the pebbles. One is stupefied by the tenacity of his hatred, which fills the book with bloody cries … —‘a cry of destruction, … the cry is gone round about the borders of Moab: the howling thereof unto Eglaim, and the howling thereof unto Beerelim. …’
“Every now and then he takes a rest, and looks round on his massacres, and the little children done to death, and
