The Vortex

half knowing⁠— Florence Why should that side of my life be any concern of yours? Nicky But, mother! Florence I’m different from other women⁠—completely different⁠—and you expect me to be the same. Why can’t you realize that with a temperament like mine it’s impossible to live an ordinary humdrum life. You’re not a boy any longer⁠—you’re a man⁠—and⁠— Nicky I’m nothing⁠—I’ve grown up all wrong. Florence It’s not my fault. Nicky Of course it’s your fault, mother⁠—who else’s fault could it be? Florence Your friends⁠—the people you mix with⁠— Nicky It wouldn’t matter who I mixed with if only I had a background. Florence You’ve got as much money as you want⁠—you’ve got your home⁠— Nicky

Bitterly.

Home! That’s almost funny⁠—there’s no peace anywhere⁠—nothing but the ceaseless din of trying to be amused⁠—

Florence David never complains. Nicky I don’t suppose you’ve looked at father during the last few years⁠—or you wouldn’t say that. Florence He’s perfectly happy because he’s sensible⁠—he lives his own life and doesn’t try to interfere with mine. Nicky It must be your vanity that makes you so dreadfully blind⁠—and foolish. Florence Understand once and for all, I won’t be spoken to like this⁠— Nicky You’ve had other lovers besides Tom Veryan⁠—haven’t you? Florence Yes, I have⁠—I have. Now then! Nicky Well, anyhow⁠—that’s the truth⁠—at last⁠— He rises, turns his back on her and stands looking out of the window. Florence

After a pause⁠—going to him.

Nicky⁠—don’t be angry⁠—please don’t be angry with me.

Nicky I’m not angry a bit. I realize that I’m living in a world where things like this happen⁠—and they’ve got to be faced and given the right value. If only I’d had the courage to realize everything before⁠—it wouldn’t be so bad now. It’s the sudden shock that’s thrown the whole thing out of focus for me⁠—but I mean to get it right. Please help me! Florence

Dully.

I don’t know what to do.

Nicky It’s your life, and you’ve lived it as you’ve wanted to live it⁠—that’s fair⁠— Florence Yes⁠—yes. Nicky You’ve wanted love always⁠—passionate love, because you were made like that. It’s not your fault⁠—it’s the fault of circumstances and civilization; civilization makes rottenness so much easier. We’re utterly rotten⁠—both of us⁠— Florence Nicky⁠—don’t⁠—don’t⁠— Nicky How can we help ourselves? We swirl about in a vortex of beastliness. This is a chance⁠—don’t you see⁠—to realize the truth⁠—our only chance. Florence Oh, Nicky, do stop⁠—go away! Nicky Don’t keep on telling me to stop when our only hope is to hammer it out. Florence You’re overwrought. It isn’t as bad as you think. Nicky Isn’t it? Florence No, no. Of course it isn’t. Tomorrow morning you’ll see things quite differently. Nicky You haven’t understood. Florence Yes, I have⁠—I have. Nicky You haven’t understood. Oh, my God, you haven’t understood! You’re building up silly defenses in your mind. I’m overwrought. Tomorrow morning I shall see things quite differently. That’s true⁠—that’s the tragedy of it, and you won’t see. Tomorrow morning I shall see things quite differently. All this will seem unreal⁠—a nightmare⁠—the machinery of our lives will go on again and gloss over the truth as it always does⁠—and our chance will be gone forever. Florence Chance⁠—chance? What are you talking about⁠—what chance? Nicky I must make you see, somehow. Florence You’re driving me mad. Nicky Have patience with me⁠—please⁠—please⁠— Florence

Wildly.

How can I have patience with you? You exaggerate everything.

Nicky No I don’t⁠—I wish I did. Florence Listen⁠—let me explain something to you. Nicky Very well⁠—go on. Florence You’re setting yourself up in judgment on me⁠—your own mother. Nicky No, I’m not. Florence You are⁠—you are. Let me speak. You don’t understand my temperament in the least⁠—nobody does⁠—I⁠— Nicky You’re deceiving yourself⁠—your temperament’s no different from thousands of other women, but you’ve been weak and selfish and given way all along the line⁠— Florence Let me speak, I tell you!⁠— Nicky What’s the use? You’re still pretending⁠—you’re building up barriers between us instead of helping me to break them down. Florence What are you accusing me of having done? Nicky Can’t you see yet? Florence No, I can’t. If you’re preaching morality, you’ve no right to. That’s my affair⁠—I’ve never done any harm to anyone. Nicky Look at me. Florence Why⁠—what do you mean? Nicky You’ve given me nothing all my life⁠—nothing that counts. Florence Now you’re pitying yourself. Nicky Yes, with every reason. Florence You’re neurotic and ridiculous. Just because Bunty broke off your engagement you come and say wicked, cruel things to me⁠— Nicky You forget what I’ve seen tonight, mother. Florence I don’t care what you’ve seen. Nicky I’ve seen you make a vulgar, disgusting scene in your own house, and on top of that humiliate yourself before a boy half your age. The misery of losing Bunty faded away when that happened⁠—everything is comparative, after all. Florence I didn’t humiliate myself⁠— Nicky You ran after him up the stairs because your vanity wouldn’t let you lose him. It isn’t that you love him⁠—that would be easier⁠—you never love anyone, you only love them loving you⁠—all your so-called passion and temperament is false⁠—your whole existence had degenerated into an endless empty craving for admiration and flattery⁠—and then you say you’ve done no harm to anybody. Father used to be a clever man, with a strong will and a capacity for enjoying everything⁠—I can remember him like that⁠—and now he’s nothing⁠—a complete nonentity because his spirit’s crushed. How could it be otherwise? You’ve let him down consistently for years⁠—and God knows I’m nothing for him to look forward to⁠—but I might have been if it hadn’t been for you⁠— Florence Don’t talk like that. Don’t⁠—don’t. It can’t be such a crime being loved⁠—it can’t be such a crime being happy⁠— Nicky You’re not happy⁠—you’re never happy⁠—you’re fighting⁠—fighting all the time to keep your youth and your looks⁠—because you can’t bear the thought of living without them⁠—as though they mattered in the end. Florence

Hysterically.

What does anything matter⁠—ever?

Nicky That’s what I’m trying to find out. Florence I’m still young inside⁠—I’m still beautiful. Why shouldn’t I live my life as I choose? Nicky You’re not young or beautiful; I’m seeing for the first time how old you are. It’s horrible⁠—your silly fair hair⁠—and your face all plastered and painted⁠— Florence Nicky⁠—Nicky⁠—stop⁠—stop⁠—stop! She flings herself face downwards on the bed. Nicky goes over to her.