The Vortex

By Noël Coward.

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To
G. Calthrop
with a good deal of gratitude

Dramatis Personae

Preston
Helen Saville
Pauncefort Quentin
Clara Hibbert
Florence Lancaster
Tom Veryan
Nicky Lancaster
David Lancaster
Bunty Mainwaring
Bruce Fairlight

The Vortex

Act I

The scene is the drawing-room of Mrs. Lancaster’s flat in London. The colors and decoration are on the verge of being original. The furniture is simple but distinctly expensive.

Persons shown are Helen Saville and Pauncefort Quentin. Helen Saville and Pauncefort Quentin are shown in by Preston. Helen is a smartly dressed woman of about thirty. “Pawnie” is an elderly maiden gentleman.

Preston	I’m expecting Mrs. Lancaster in at any moment now, ma’am.
Helen	Thank you, Preston, we’ll wait a little.
Preston	Shall I get you some tea?
Helen	No, thanks, we’ve already had some⁠—give me a cigarette, Pawnie; they’re in that box on the table.
	Pawnie hands her cigarette box. Preston goes out.
Pawnie	It may be tiresome of me, but I think all this coloring is oppressive.
Helen	You make such a “fetish” of house decoration, Pawnie.
Pawnie	Wandering round the room. Not at all, but I do like things to be good and right.
Helen	Well, I don’t consider the new frieze in your bathroom either good or right.
Pawnie	How can you, Helen! It’s too marvelous for words. Parelli designed it specially for me.
Helen	Personally, it would make me self-conscious to sit in a bath surrounded by frisky gods and goddesses all with such better figures than mine.
Pawnie	I find it encouraging. This whole room is so typical of Florence.
Helen	In what way?
Pawnie	Every way. Look at the furniture.
Helen	A little artificial perhaps, but quite harmless.
Pawnie	Dear Helen, you’re such a loyal friend.
Helen	I’m very fond of Florence.
Pawnie	We all are. Oh, my God, look at that lampshade!
Helen	I gave it to her last Christmas.
Pawnie	Wasn’t that a little naughty of you?
Helen	I don’t see why; it’s extremely pretty.
Pawnie	Too unrestrained. Such a bad example for the servants. He takes up frame from desk. Who’s this boy?
Helen	Tom Veryan. You must have seen him.
Pawnie	Florence’s past, present, or future?
Helen	Present.
Pawnie	He has that innocent look that never fails to attract elderly women.
Helen	Don’t be a cat.
Pawnie	I wasn’t meaning Florence; she’s too divine to be in any marked category.
Helen	I wonder.
Pawnie	Oh, yes, Helen, deathless sort of magnetism, you know.
Helen	I often wonder what will happen to Florence eventually.
Pawnie	My dear, I’m far too occupied in wondering what’s going to happen to me to worry about other people.
Helen	I’ve always thought your course was quite clear, Pawnie.
Pawnie	However offensive that remark was intended to be, Helen, I shall take it in the most complimentary spirit.
Helen	I’m sure you will.
Pawnie	I expect Florence will just go on and on, then suddenly become quite beautifully old, and go on and on still more.
Helen	It’s too late now for her to become beautifully old, I’m afraid. She’ll have to be young indefinitely.
Pawnie	I don’t suppose she’ll mind that, but it’s trying for David.
Helen	And fiendish for Nicky.
Pawnie	Oh, no, my dear; you’re quite wrong there. I’m sure Nicky doesn’t care a damn.
Helen	It’s difficult to tell with Nicky.
Pawnie	He’s divinely selfish; all amusing people are.
Helen	Did you hear him play in Paris?
Pawnie	Yes.
Helen	Well?
Pawnie	Erratic⁠—one or two things perfect, but he’s slovenly.
Helen	He only takes things seriously in spurts, but still he’s very young.
Pawnie	Do you really think that’s a good excuse?
Helen	No, I’m afraid not, especially when so much depends on it.
Pawnie	What does depend on it?
Helen	Everything⁠—his life’s happiness.
Pawnie	Don’t be so terribly intense, dear.
Helen	It’s true.
Pawnie	I’m quite sure Nicky will be perfectly happy as long as he goes on attracting people; he loves being attractive.
Helen	Naturally, he’s Florence’s son.
Pawnie	Such an exciting thing to be.
Helen	You don’t believe Nicky’s got anything in him at all, do you?
Pawnie	Lightly. I don’t think it matters, anyway.
Helen	I do.
Pawnie	But you’ve got a loving nature, Helen. I always know it.
Helen	Nicky hasn’t had a chance.
Pawnie	Nonsense⁠—he’s had everything he wanted ever since the day he was born, and he’ll go on wasting his opportunities until he dies.
Helen	Quite possibly.
Pawnie	Well, there you are then.
Helen	He may have had everything he wanted, but he’s had none of the things he really needs.
Pawnie	Are you talking socially or spiritually?
Helen	You’re quite right, Pawnie, you wouldn’t be so beautifully preserved if you’d wasted any of your valuable time or sincerity.
Pawnie	I forgive you for that, Helen, freely.
Helen	Thank you so much.
Pawnie	You must realize one thing, everyone is sacrificed to Florence⁠—it’s