Short Plays

I said, “Fire me out when I have drunk it all up.” Did you ever see me sober while it lasted? Blanco No; and you looked so disgusting that I wonder it didn’t set me against drink for the rest of my life. Elder Daniels That was your spiritual pride, Blanco. You never reflected that when I was drunk I was in a state of innocence. Temptations and bad company and evil thoughts passed by me like the summer wind as you might say: I was too drunk to notice them. When the money was gone, and they fired me out, I was fired out like gold out of the furnace, with my character unspoiled and unspotted; and when I went back to work, the work kept me steady. Can you say as much, Blanco? Did your holidays leave your character unspoiled? Oh, no, no. It was theatres: it was gambling: it was evil company: it was reading in vain romances: it was women, Blanco, women: it was wrong thoughts and gnawing discontent. It ended in your becoming a rambler and a gambler: it is going to end this evening on the gallows tree. Oh, what a lesson against spiritual pride! Oh, what a⁠—Blanco throws his hat at him. Blanco Stow it, Boozy. Sling it. Cut it. Cheese it. Shut up. “Shake not the dying sinner’s hand.” Elder Daniels Aye: there you go, with your scraps of lustful poetry. But you can’t deny what I tell you. Why, do you think I would put my soul in peril by selling drink if I thought it did no good, as them silly temperance reformers make out, flying in the face of the natural tastes implanted in us all for a good purpose? Not if I was to starve for it tomorrow. But I know better. I tell you, Blanco, what keeps America today the purest of the nations is that when she’s not working she’s too drunk to hear the voice of the tempter. Blanco Don’t deceive yourself, Boozy. You sell drink because you make a bigger profit out of it than you can by selling tea. And you gave up drink yourself because when you got that fit at Edwardstown the doctor told you you’d die the next time; and that frightened you off it. Elder Daniels Fervently. Oh thank God selling drink pays me! And thank God He sent me that fit as a warning that my drinking time was past and gone, and that He needed me for another service! Blanco Take care, Boozy. He hasn’t finished with you yet. He always has a trick up His sleeve⁠— Elder Daniels Oh, is that the way to speak of the ruler of the universe⁠—the great and almighty God? Blanco He’s a sly one. He’s a mean one. He lies low for you. He plays cat and mouse with you. He lets you run loose until you think you’re shut of him; and then, when you least expect it, he’s got you. Elder Daniels Speak more respectful, Blanco⁠—more reverent. Blanco Springing up and coming at him. Reverent! Who taught you your reverent cant? Not your Bible. It says He cometh like a thief in the night⁠—aye, like a thief⁠—a horse-thief⁠— Elder Daniels Shocked. Oh! Blanco Overbearing him. And it’s true. That’s how He caught me and put my neck into the halter. To spite me because I had no use for Him⁠—because I lived my own life in my own way, and would have no truck with His “Don’t do this,” and “You mustn’t do that,” and “You’ll go to Hell if you do the other.” I gave Him the go-bye and did without Him all these years. But He caught me out at last. The laugh is with Him as far as hanging me goes. He thrusts his hands into his pockets and lounges moodily away from Daniels, to the table, where he sits facing the jury box. Elder Daniels Don’t dare to put your theft on Him, man. It was the Devil tempted you to steal the horse. Blanco Not a bit of it. Neither God nor Devil tempted me to take the horse: I took it on my own. He had a cleverer trick than that ready for me. He takes his hands out of his pockets and clenches his fists. Gosh! When I think that I might have been safe and fifty miles away by now with that horse; and here I am waiting to be hung up and filled with lead! What came to me? What made me such a fool? That’s what I want to know. That’s the great secret. Elder Daniels At the opposite side of the table. Blanco: the great secret now is, what did you do with the horse? Blanco Striking the table with his fist. May my lips be blighted like my soul if ever I tell that to you or any mortal man! They may roast me alive or cut me to ribbons; but Strapper Kemp shall never have the laugh on me over that job. Let them hang me. Let them shoot. So long as they are shooting a man and not a sniveling skunk and softy, I can stand up to them and take all they can give me⁠—game. Elder Daniels Don’t be headstrong, Blanco. What’s the use? Slyly. They might let up on you if you put Strapper in the way of getting his brother’s horse back. Blanco Not they. Hanging’s too big a treat for them to give up a fair chance. I’ve done it myself. I’ve yelled with the dirtiest of them when a man no worse than myself was swung up. I’ve emptied my revolver into him, and persuaded myself that he deserved it and that I was doing justice with strong stern men. Well, my turn’s come now. Let the men I yelled at and shot at look up out of Hell and see the boys yelling and shooting at me as I swing up. Elder Daniels Well, even if