Love’s Labour’s Lost

this letter with attention? Biron As we would hear an oracle. Costard Such is the simplicity of man to hearken after the flesh. King

Reads. “Great deputy, the welkin’s vicegerent and sole dominator of Navarre, my soul’s earth’s god, and body’s fostering patron.”

Costard Not a word of Costard yet. King

Reads. “So it is,”⁠—

Costard It may be so: but if he say it is so, he is, in telling true, but so. King Peace! Costard Be to me and every man that dares not fight! King No words! Costard Of other men’s secrets, I beseech you. King

Reads. “So it is, besieged with sable-coloured melancholy, I did commend the black-oppressing humour to the most wholesome physic of thy health-giving air; and, as I am a gentleman, betook myself to walk. The time when. About the sixth hour; when beasts most graze, birds best peck, and men sit down to that nourishment which is called supper: so much for the time when. Now for the ground which; which, I mean, I walked upon: it is ycleped thy park. Then for the place where; where, I mean, I did encounter that obscene and preposterous event, that draweth from my snow-white pen the ebon-coloured ink, which here thou viewest, beholdest, surveyest, or seest: but to the place where; it standeth north-north-east and by east from the west corner of thy curious-knotted garden: there did I see that low-spirited swain, that base minnow of thy mirth,”⁠—

Costard Me? King

Reads. “that unlettered small-knowing soul,”⁠—

Costard Me? King

Reads. “that shallow vassal,”⁠—

Costard Still me? King

Reads. “which, as I remember, hight Costard,”⁠—

Costard O, me! King

Reads. “sorted and consorted, contrary to thy established proclaimed edict and continent canon, which with⁠—O, with⁠—but with this I passion to say wherewith⁠—

Costard With a wench. King

Reads. “with a child of our grandmother Eve, a female; or, for thy more sweet understanding, a woman. Him I, as my ever-esteemed duty pricks me on, have sent to thee, to receive the meed of punishment, by thy sweet grace’s officer, Anthony Dull; a man of good repute, carriage, bearing, and estimation.”

Dull Me, an’t shall please you; I am Anthony Dull. King

Reads. “For Jaquenetta⁠—so is the weaker vessel called which I apprehended with the aforesaid swain⁠—I keep her as a vessel of the law’s fury; and shall, at the least of thy sweet notice, bring her to trial. Thine, in all compliments of devoted and heart-burning heat of duty.

Don Adriano de Armado.”

Biron This is not so well as I looked for, but the best that ever I heard. King Ay, the best for the worst. But, sirrah, what say you to this? Costard Sir, I confess the wench. King Did you hear the proclamation? Costard I do confess much of the hearing it, but little of the marking of it. King It was proclaimed a year’s imprisonment, to be taken with a wench. Costard I was taken with none, sir: I was taken with a damsel. King Well, it was proclaimed “damsel.” Costard This was no damsel neither, sir; she was a virgin. King It is so varied too; for it was proclaimed “virgin.” Costard If it were, I deny her virginity: I was taken with a maid. King This maid will not serve your turn, sir. Costard This maid will serve my turn, sir. King Sir, I will pronounce your sentence: you shall fast a week with bran and water. Costard I had rather pray a month with mutton and porridge. King

And Don Armado shall be your keeper.
My Lord Biron, see him deliver’d o’er:
And go we, lords, to put in practise that
Which each to other hath so strongly sworn. Exeunt King, Longaville, and Dumain.

Biron

I’ll lay my head to any good man’s hat,
These oaths and laws will prove an idle scorn.
Sirrah, come on.

Costard I suffer for the truth, sir; for true it is, I was taken with Jaquenetta, and Jaquenetta is a true girl; and therefore welcome the sour cup of prosperity! Affliction may one day smile again; and till then, sit thee down, sorrow! Exeunt.

Scene II

The same.

	Enter Armado and Moth.
Armado	Boy, what sign is it when a man of great spirit grows melancholy?
Moth	A great sign, sir, that he will look sad.
Armado	Why, sadness is one and the self-same thing, dear imp.
Moth	No, no; O Lord, sir, no.
Armado	How canst thou part sadness and melancholy, my tender juvenal?
Moth	By a familiar demonstration of the working, my tough senior.
Armado	Why tough senior? why tough senior?
Moth	Why tender juvenal? why tender juvenal?
Armado	I spoke it, tender juvenal, as a congruent epitheton appertaining to thy young days, which we may nominate tender.
Moth	And I, tough senior, as an appertinent title to your old time, which we may name tough.
Armado	Pretty and apt.
Moth	How mean you, sir? I pretty, and my saying apt? or I apt, and my saying pretty?
Armado	Thou pretty, because little.
Moth	Little pretty, because little. Wherefore apt?
Armado	And therefore apt, because quick.
Moth	Speak you this in my praise, master?
Armado	In thy condign praise.
Moth	I will praise an eel with the same praise.
Armado	What, that an eel is ingenious?
Moth	That an eel is quick.
Armado	I do say thou art quick in answers: thou heatest my blood.
Moth	I am answered, sir.
Armado	I love not to be crossed.
Moth	Aside. He speaks the mere contrary; crosses love not him.
Armado	I have promised to study three years with the duke.
Moth	You may do it in an hour, sir.
Armado	Impossible.
Moth	How many is one thrice told?
Armado	I am ill at reckoning; it fitteth the spirit of a tapster.
Moth	You are a gentleman and a gamester, sir.
Armado	I confess both: they are both the varnish of a complete man.
Moth	Then, I am sure, you know how much the gross sum of deuce-ace amounts to.
Armado	It doth amount to one more than two.
Moth	Which the base vulgar do call three.
Armado	True.
Moth	Why, sir, is this such a piece of study? Now here is three studied, ere ye’ll thrice wink: and how easy