Poetry

never intermits. Since it has been found that the axis of the earth wabbles, stupidity is indispensable as a standard of constancy.

VIII

In order that the list of able women may be memorized for use at meetings of the oppressed sex, Heaven has considerately made it brief.

IX

Firmness is my persistency; obstinacy is yours.

X

A little heap of dust,
A little streak of rust,
A stone without a name⁠—
Lo! hero, sword and fame.

XI

Our vocabulary is defective; we give the same name to woman’s lack of temptation and man’s lack of opportunity.

XII

“You scoundrel, you have wronged me,” hissed the philosopher. “May you live forever!”

XIII

The man who thinks that a garnet can be made a ruby by setting it in brass is writing “dialect” for publication.

XIV

“Who art thou, stranger, and what dost thou seek?”

“I am Generosity, and I seek a person named Gratitude.”

“Then thou dost not deserve to find her.”

“True. I will go about my business and think of her no more. But who art thou, to be so wise?”

“I am Gratitude⁠—farewell forever.”

XV

There was never a genius who was not thought a fool until he disclosed himself; whereas he is a fool then only.

XVI

The boundaries that Napoleon drew have been effaced; the kingdoms that he set up have disappeared. But all the armies and statecraft of Europe cannot unsay what you have said.

XVII

Strive not for singularity in dress;
Fools have the more and men of sense the less.
To look original is not worth while,
But be in mind a little out of style.

XVIII

A conqueror arose from the dead. “Yesterday,” he said, “I ruled half the world.” “Please show me the half that you ruled,” said an angel, pointing out a wisp of glowing vapor floating in space. “That is the world.”

XIX

“Who art thou, shivering in thy furs?”

“My name is Avarice. What is thine?”

“Unselfishness.”

“Where is thy clothing, placid one?”

“Thou art wearing it.”

XX

To be comic is merely to be playful, but wit is a serious matter. To laugh at it is to confess that you do not understand.

XXI

If you would be accounted great by your contemporaries, be not too much greater than they.

XXII

To have something that he will not desire, nor know that he has⁠—such is the hope of him who seeks the admiration of posterity. The character of his work does not matter; he is a humorist.

XXIII

Women and foxes, being weak, are distinguished by superior tact.

XXIV

To fatten pigs, confine and feed them; to fatten rogues, cultivate a generous disposition.

XXV

Every heart is the lair of a ferocious animal. The greatest wrong that you can put upon a man is to provoke him to let out his beast.

XXVI

When two irreconcilable propositions are presented for assent the safest way is to thank Heaven that we are not as the unreasoning brutes, and believe both.

XXVII

Truth is more deceptive than falsehood, for it is more frequently presented by those from whom we do not expect it, and so has against it a numerical presumption.

XXVIII

A bad marriage is like an electrical thrilling machine: it makes you dance, but you can’t let go.

XXIX

Meeting Merit on a street-crossing, Success stood still. Merit stepped off into the mud and went round him, bowing his apologies, which Success had the grace to accept.

XXX

“I think,” says the philosopher divine,
“Therefore I am.” Sir, here’s a surer sign:
We know we live, for with our every breath
We feel the fear and imminence of death.

XXXI

The first man you meet is a fool. If you do not think so ask him and he will prove it.

XXXII

He who would rather inflict injustice than suffer it will always have his choice, for no injustice can be done to him.

XXXIII

There are as many conceptions of a perfect happiness hereafter as there are minds that have marred their happiness here.

XXXIV

We yearn to be, not what we are, but what we are not. If we were immortal we should not crave immortality.

XXXV

A rabbit’s foot may bring good luck to you, but it brought none to the rabbit.

XXXVI

Before praising the wisdom of the man who knows how to hold his tongue, ascertain if he knows how to hold his pen.

XXXVII

The most charming view in the world is obtained by introspection.

XXXVIII

Love is unlike chess, in that the pieces are moved secretly and the player sees most of the game. But the looker-on has one incomparable advantage: he is not the stake.

XXXIX

It is not for nothing that tigers choose to hide in the jungle, for commerce and trade are carried on, mostly, in the open.

XL

We say that we love, not whom we will, but whom we must. Our judgment need not, therefore, go to confession.

XLI

Of two kinds of temporary insanity, one ends in suicide, the other in marriage.

XLII

If you give alms from compassion, why require the beneficiary to be “a deserving object”? No other adversity is so sharp as destitution of merit.

XLIII

Bereavement is the name that selfishness gives to a particular privation.

XLIV

O proud philanthropist, your hope is vain
To get by giving what you lost by gain.
With every gift you do but swell the cloud
Of witnesses against you, swift and loud⁠—
Accomplices who turn and swear you split
Your life: half robber and half hypocrite.
You’re least unsafe when most intact you hold
Your curst allotment of