The Golden Ass

on, and about in the country: but this curious buyer did never stint to question of my qualities, and at length he demanded whether I were gentle or no: Gentle (quoth the crier) as gentle as a lamb, tractable to all use, he will never bite, he will never kick, but you would rather think that under the shape of an ass there were some well-advised man, which verily you may easily conject, for if you would thrust your nose in his tail you shall perceive how patient he is: thus the crier mocked the old man, but he perceiving his taunts and jests, waxed very angry saying, Away doting crier, I pray the omnipotent and omniparent goddess Syria, Saint Sabod, Bellona, with her mother Idea, and Venus, with Adonis, to strike out both thine eyes, that with taunting mocks hast scoffed me in this sort: dost thou think that I will put a goddess upon the back of any fierce beast, whereby her divine image should be thrown down on the ground, and so I poor miser should be compelled (tearing my hair) to look for some physician to help her? When I heard him speak thus, I thought with myself suddenly to leap upon him like a mad ass, to the intent he should not buy me, but incontinently there came another Merchant that prevented my thought, and offered seventeen pence for me, then my Master was glad and received the money, and delivered me to my new master who was called Philebus, and he carried his new servant home, and before he came to his house, he called out his daughters saying, Behold my daughters, what a gentle servant I have bought for you: then they were marvelous glad, and coming out prattling and shouting for joy, thought verily that he had brought home a fit and convenable servant for their purpose, but when they perceived that it was an ass, they began to provoke him, saying that he had not bought a servant for his maidens, but rather an ass for himself. Howbeit (quoth they) keep him not wholly for your own riding, but let us likewise have him at commandment. Therewithal they led me into the stable, and tied me to the manger: there was a certain young man with a mighty body, well skilled in playing on instruments before the gods to get money, who (as soon as he had espied me) entertained me very well, for he filled my rack and manger full of meat, and spake merrily saying, Oh master ass, you are very welcome, now you shall take my office in hand, you are come to supply my room, and to ease me of my miserable labour: but I pray God thou mayest long live and please my master well, to the end thou mayest continually deliver me from so great pain. When I heard these words I did prognosticate my misery to come.

The day following I saw there a great number of persons apparelled in diverse colours, having painted faces, mitres on their heads, vestments coloured like saffron, surplices of silk, and on their feet yellow shoes, who attired the goddess in a robe of purple, and put her upon my back. Then they went forth with their arms naked to their shoulders, bearing with them great swords and mighty axes, and dancing like mad persons. After that we had passed many small villages, we fortuned to come to one Brituni’s house, where at our first entry they began to hurl themselves hither and thither, as though they were mad. They made a thousand gestures with their feet and their hands, they would bite themselves, finally, everyone took his weapon and wounded his arms in diverse places.

Amongst whom there was one more mad than the rest, that let many deep sighs from the bottom of his heart, as though he had been ravished in spirit, or replenished with divine power. And after that, he somewhat returning to himself, invented and forged a great lie, saying, that he had displeased the divine majesty of the goddess, by doing of something which was not convenable to the order of their holy religion, wherefore he would do vengeance of himself: and therewithal he took a whip, and scourged his own body, that the blood issued out abundantly, which thing caused me greatly to fear, to see such wounds and effusion of blood, least the same goddess desiring so much the blood of men, should likewise desire the blood of an ass. After they were weary with hurling and beating themselves, they sat down, and behold, the inhabitants came in, and offered gold, silver, vessels of wine, milk, cheese, flour, wheat and other things: amongst whom there was one, that brought barley to the ass that carried the goddess, but the greedy whoresons thrust all into their sack, which they brought for the purpose and put it upon my back, to the end I might serve for two purposes, that is to say, for the barn by reason of my corn, and for the temple by reason of the goddess. In this sort, they went from place to place, robbing all the country over. At length they came to a certain castle where under colour of divination, they brought to pass that they obtained a fat sheep of a poor husbandman for the goddess’ supper and to make sacrifice withal. After that the banquet was prepared, they washed their bodies, and brought in a tall young man of the village, to sup with them, who had scarce tasted a few pottage, when he began to discover their beastly customs and inordinate desire of luxury. For they compassed him round about, sitting at the table, and abused the young man, contrary to all nature and reason. When I beheld this horrible fact, I could not but attempt to utter my mind and say, Oh masters, but I could pronounce no more but the first letter