The Golden Ass

of the age of the dame. Her colour was of two sorts, for her body was white as descended from heaven, and her smock was bluish, as arrived from the sea: after every one of the virgins which seemed goddesses, followed certain waiting servants, Castor and Pollux went behind Juno, having on their heads helmets covered with stars. This virgin Juno sounded a flute, which she bare in her hand, and moved herself towards the shepherd Paris, showing by honest signs and tokens, and promising that he should be lord of all Asia, if he would judge her the fairest of the three, and to give her the apple of gold: the other maiden which seemed by her armour to be Pallas, was accompanied with two young men armed, and brandishing their naked swords in their hands, whereof one named Terror, and the other Fear; behind them approached one sounding his trumpet to provoke and stir men to battle; this maiden began to dance and shake her head, throwing her fierce and terrible eyes upon Paris and promising that if it pleased him to give her the victory of beauty, she would make him the most strong and victorious man alive. Then came Venus and presented herself in the middle of the theater, with much favour of all the people, for she was accompanied with a great many of youth, whereby you would have judged them all to be cupidoes, either to have flown from heaven or else from the river of the sea, for they had wings, arrows, and the residue of their habit according in each point, and they bare in their hands torches lighted, as though it had been a day of marriage. Then came in a great multitude of fair maidens: on the one side were the most comely Graces: on the other side, the most beautiful Hours carrying garlands and loose flowers, and making great honor to the goddess of pleasure; the flutes and pipes yielded out the sweet sound of Lydians, whereby they pleased the minds of the standers-by exceedingly, but the more pleasing Venus moved forward more and more, and shaking her head answered by her motion and gesture, to the sound of the instruments. For sometimes she would wink gently, sometimes threaten and look aspishly, and sometimes dance only with her eyes: as soon as she was come before the judge, she made a sign and token to give him the most fairest spouse of all the world, if he would prefer her above the residue of the goddesses. Then the young Phrygian shepherd Paris with a willing mind delivered the golden apple to Venus, which was the victory of beauty.

Why do ye marvel, ye orators, ye lawyers, and advocates, if many of our judges nowadays sell their judgments for money, when as in the beginning of the world one only Grace corrupted the sentence between god and men, and that one rustical judge and shepherd appointed by the counsel of great Jupiter, sold his judgment for a little pleasure, which was the cause afterward of the ruin of all his progeny? By like manner of mean, was sentence given between the noble Greeks: for the noble and valiant personage Palamedes was convicted and attainted of treason, by false persuasion and accusation, and Ulysses being but of base condition, was preferred in martial prowess above great Ajax. What judgment was there likewise amongst the Athenian lawyers, sage and expert in all sciences? Was not Socrates who was preferred by Apollo, above all the wise men in the world, by envy and malice of wicked persons empoisoned with the herb cicuta, as one that corrupted the youth of the country, whom always be kept under by correction? For we see nowadays many excellent philosophers greatly desire to follow his sect, and by perpetual study to value and revolve his works, but to the end I may not be reproved of indignation by anyone that might say: What, shall we suffer an ass to play the philosopher? I will return to my further purpose.

After the judgment of Paris was ended, Juno and Pallas departed away angrily, showing by their gesture, that they would revenge themselves on Paris, but Venus that was right pleased and glad in her heart, danced about the theater with much joy. This done from the top of the hill through a privy spout, ran a flood of the colour of saffron, which fell upon the goats, and changed their white hair into yellow, with a sweet odour to all them of the theater. By and by after by certain engines, the ground opened, and swallowed up the hill of wood: and then behold there came a man of arms through the multitude, demanding by the consent of the people, the woman who was condemned to the beasts, and appointed for me to have to do withal: our bed was finely and bravely prepared, and covered with silk and other things necessary. But I, beside the shame to commit this horrible fact, and to pollute my body with this wicked harlot did greatly fear the danger of death: for I thought in myself, that when she and I were together, the savage beast appointed to devour the woman, was not so instructed and taught, or would so temper his greediness, as that he would tear her in pieces lying under me, and spare me with a regard of mine innocence. Wherefore I was more careful for the safeguard of my life, than for the shame that I should abide, but in the mean season while my master made ready the bed, all the residue did greatly delight to see the hunting and pleasantness of the triumph, I began to think and devise for myself. When I perceived that no man had regard to me, that was so tame and gentle an ass, I stole out of the gate that was next me, and then I ran away with all force, and