Getting Married

out of his study. He is still a slim active man, spare of flesh, and younger by temperament than his brothers. He has a delicate skin, fine hands, a salient nose with chin to match, a short beard which accentuates his sharp chin by bristling forward, clever humorous eyes, not without a glint of mischief in them, ready bright speech, and the ways of a successful man who is always interested in himself and generally rather well pleased with himself. When Lesbia hears his voice she turns her chair towards him, and presently rises and stands in the doorway listening to the conversation. The Bishop Going to Leo. Good morning, my dear. Hullo! You’ve brought Reginald with you. That’s very nice of you. Have you reconciled them, Boxer? The General Reconciled them! Why, man, the whole divorce was a put-up job. She wants to marry some fellow named Hotchkiss. Reginald A fellow with a face like⁠— Leo You shan’t, Rejjy. He has a very fine face. Mrs. Bridgenorth And now she says she wants to marry both of them, and a lot of other people as well. Leo I didn’t say I wanted to marry them: I only said I should like to marry them. The Bishop Quite a nice distinction, Leo. Leo Just occasionally, you know. The Bishop Sitting down cosily beside her. Quite so. Sometimes a poet, sometimes a Bishop, sometimes a fairy prince, sometimes somebody quite indescribable, and sometimes nobody at all. Leo Yes: that’s just it. How did you know? The Bishop Oh, I should say most imaginative and cultivated young women feel like that. I wouldn’t give a rap for one who didn’t. Shakespeare pointed out long ago that a woman wanted a Sunday husband as well as a weekday one. But, as usual, he didn’t follow up the idea. The General Aghast. Am I to understand⁠— The Bishop Cutting him short. Now, Boxer, am I the Bishop or are you? The General Sulkily. You. The Bishop Then don’t ask me are you to understand. “Your’s not to reason why: your’s but to do and die”⁠— The General Oh, very well: go on. I’m not clever. Only a silly soldier man. Ha! Go on. He throws himself into the railed chair, as one prepared for the worst. Mrs. Bridgenorth Alfred: don’t tease Boxer. The Bishop If we are going to discuss ethical questions we must begin by giving the devil fair play. Boxer never does. England never does. We always assume that the devil is guilty; and we won’t allow him to prove his innocence, because it would be against public morals if he succeeded. We used to do the same with prisoners accused of high treason. And the consequence is that we overreach ourselves; and the devil gets the better of us after all. Perhaps that’s what most of us intend him to do. The General Alfred: we asked you here to preach to Leo. You are preaching at me instead. I am not conscious of having said or done anything that calls for that unsolicited attention. The Bishop But poor little Leo has only told the simple truth; whilst you, Boxer, are striking moral attitudes. The General I suppose that’s an epigram. I don’t understand epigrams. I’m only a silly soldier man. Ha! But I can put a plain question. Is Leo to be encouraged to be a polygamist? The Bishop Remember the British Empire, Boxer. You’re a British General, you know. The General What has that to do with polygamy? The Bishop Well, the great majority of our fellow subjects are polygamists. I can’t as a British Bishop insult them by speaking disrespectfully of polygamy. It’s a very interesting question. Many very interesting men have been polygamists: Solomon, Muhammad, and our friend the Duke of⁠—of⁠—hm! I never can remember his name. The General It would become you better, Alfred, to send that silly girl back to her husband and her duty than to talk clever and mock at your religion. “What God hath joined together let no man put asunder.” Remember that. The Bishop Don’t be afraid, Boxer. What God hath joined together no man ever shall put asunder: God will take care of that. To Leo. By the way, who was it that joined you and Reginald, my dear? Leo It was that awful little curate that afterwards drank, and travelled first class with a third-class ticket, and then tried to go on the stage. But they wouldn’t have him. He called himself Egerton Fotheringay. The Bishop Well, whom Egerton Fotheringay hath joined, let Sir Gorell Barnes put asunder by all means. The General I may be a silly soldier man; but I call this blasphemy. The Bishop Gravely. Better for me to take the name of Mr. Egerton Fotheringay in earnest than for you to take a higher name in vain. Lesbia Can’t you three brothers ever meet without quarrelling? The Bishop Mildly. This is not quarrelling, Lesbia: it’s only English family life. Good morning. Leo You know, Bishop, it’s very dear of you to take my part; but I’m not sure that I’m not a little shocked. The Bishop Then I think I’ve been a little more successful than Boxer in getting you into a proper frame of mind. The General Snorting. Ha! Leo Not a bit; for now I’m going to shock you worse than ever. I think Solomon was an old beast. The Bishop Precisely what you ought to think of him, my dear. Don’t apologize. The General More shocked. Well, but hang it! Solomon was in the Bible. And, after all, Solomon was Solomon. Leo And I stick to it: I still want to have a lot of interesting men to know quite intimately⁠—to say everything I think of to them, and have them say everything they think of to me. The Bishop So you shall, my dear, if you are lucky. But you know you needn’t marry them all. Think of all the buttons you would have to sew on. Besides, nothing is more dreadful than a husband who keeps telling you everything he thinks, and always wants to know what