Getting Married

it? The General Am I to understand that the whole case was one of collusion? Reginald Of course it was. Half the cases are collusions: what are people to do? The General, passing his hand dazedly over his bewildered brow, sinks into the railed chair. And what do you take me for, that you should have the cheek to pretend to believe all that rot about my knocking Leo about and leaving her for⁠—for a⁠—a⁠—Ugh! you should have seen her. The General This is perfectly astonishing to me. Why did you do it? Why did Leo allow it? Reginald You’d better ask her. Leo Still in tears. I’m sure I never thought it would be so horrid for Rejjy. I offered honorably to do it myself, and let him divorce me; but he wouldn’t. And he said himself that it was the only way to do it⁠—that it was the law that he should do it that way. I never saw that hateful creature until that day in Court. If he had only shown her to me before, I should never have allowed it. Mrs. Bridgenorth You did all this for Leo’s sake, Rejjy? Reginald With an unbearable sense of injury. I shouldn’t mind a bit if it were for Leo’s sake. But to have to do it to make room for that mushroom-faced serpent⁠—! The General Jumping up. What right had he to be made room for? Are you in your senses? What right? Reginald The right of being a young man, suitable to a young woman. I had no right at my age to marry Leo: she knew no more about life than a child. Leo I knew a great deal more about it than a great baby like you. I’m sure I don’t know how you’ll get on with no one to take care of you: I often lie awake at night thinking about it. And now you’ve made me thoroughly miserable. Reginald Serve you right! She weeps. There: don’t get into a tantrum, Leo. Lesbia May one ask who is the mushroom-faced serpent? Leo He isn’t. Reginald Sinjon Hotchkiss, of course. Mrs. Bridgenorth Sinjon Hotchkiss! Why, he’s coming to the wedding! Reginald What! In that case I’m off. He makes for the tower. All four rushing after him and capturing him on the threshold. Leo Seizing him. No you shan’t. You promised to be nice to him. The General No, don’t go, old chap. Not from Edith’s wedding. Mrs. Bridgenorth Oh, do stay, Rejjy. I shall really be hurt if you desert us. Lesbia Better stay, Reginald. You must meet him sooner or later. Reginald A moment ago, when I wanted to stay, you were all shoving me out of the house. Now that I want to go, you won’t let me. Mrs. Bridgenorth I shall send a note to Mr. Hotchkiss not to come. Leo Weeping again. Oh, Alice! She comes back to her chair, heartbroken. Reginald Out of patience. Oh well, let her have her way. Let her have her mushroom. Let him come. Let them all come. He crosses the kitchen to the oak chest and sits sulkily on it. Mrs. Bridgenorth shrugs her shoulders and sits at the table in Reginald’s neighborhood listening in placid helplessness. Lesbia, out of patience with Leo’s tears, goes into the garden and sits there near the door, snuffing up the open air in her relief from the domestic stuffness of Reginald’s affairs. Leo It’s so cruel of you to go on pretending that I don’t care for you, Rejjy. Reginald Bitterly. She explained to me that it was only that she had exhausted my conversation. The General Coming paternally to Leo. My dear girl: all the conversation in the world has been exhausted long ago. Heaven knows I have exhausted the conversation of the British Army these thirty years; but I don’t leave it on that account. Leo It’s not that I’ve exhausted it; but he will keep on repeating it when I want to read or go to sleep. And Sinjon amuses me. He’s so clever. The General Stung. Ha! The old complaint. You all want geniuses to marry. This demand for clever men is ridiculous. Somebody must marry the plain, honest, stupid fellows. Have you thought of that? Leo But there are such lots of stupid women to marry. Why do they want to marry us? Besides, Rejjy knows that I’m quite fond of him. I like him because he wants me; and I like Sinjon because I want him. I feel that I have a duty to Rejjy. The General Precisely: you have. Leo And, of course, Sinjon has the same duty to me. The General Tut, tut! Leo Oh, how silly the law is! Why can’t I marry them both? The General Shocked. Leo! Leo Well, I love them both. I should like to marry a lot of men. I should like to have Rejjy for every day, and Sinjon for concerts and theatres and going out in the evenings, and some great austere saint for about once a year at the end of the season, and some perfectly blithering idiot of a boy to be quite wicked with. I so seldom feel wicked; and, when I do, it’s such a pity to waste it merely because it’s too silly to confess to a real grown up man. Reginald This is the kind of thing, you know. Helplessly. Well, there it is! The General Decisively. Alice: this is a job for the Barmecide. He’s a Bishop: it’s his duty to talk to Leo. I can stand a good deal; but when it comes to flat polygamy and polyandry, we ought to do something. Mrs. Bridgenorth Going to the study door. Do come here a moment, Alfred. We’re in a difficulty. The Bishop Within. Ask Collins, I’m busy. Mrs. Bridgenorth Collins won’t do. It’s something very serious. Do come just a moment, dear. When she hears him coming she takes a chair at the nearest end of the table. The Bishop comes