to be in your way, because I did not actually repel you, and because quite erroneously you considered a barmaid the destined prey of any guest who chose to stretch out his hand for her. Moreover you wanted, as the landlady learned at the Herrenhof, for some reason or other to spend that night at the Herrenhof, and that could in no circumstances be achieved except through me. Now all that was sufficient cause for you to become my lover for one night, but something more was needed to turn it into a more serious affair. And that something more was Klamm. The landlady doesn’t claim to know what you want from Klamm, she merely maintains that before you knew me you strove as eagerly to reach Klamm as you have done since. The only difference was this, that before you knew me you were without any hope, but that now you imagine that in me you have a reliable means of reaching Klamm certainly and quickly and even with advantage to yourself. How startled I was—but that was only a superficial fear without deeper cause—when you said today that before you knew me you had gone about here in a blind circle. These might actually be the same words that the landlady used, she too says that it’s only since you have known me that you’ve become aware of your goal. That’s because you believe you have secured in me a sweetheart of Klamm’s, and so possess a hostage which can only be ransomed at a great price. Your one endeavour is to treat with Klamm about this hostage. As in your eyes I am nothing and the price everything, so you are ready for any concession so far as I’m concerned, but as for the price you’re adamant. So it’s a matter of indifference to you that I’ve lost my post at the Herrenhof and that I’ve had to leave the Bridge Inn as well, a matter of indifference that I have to endure the heavy work here in the school. You have no tenderness to spare for me, you have hardly even time for me, you leave me to the assistants, the idea of being jealous never comes into your mind, my only value for you is that I was once Klamm’s sweetheart, in your ignorance you exert yourself to keep me from forgetting Klamm, so that when the decisive moment comes I should not make any resistance; yet at the same time you carry on a feud with the landlady, the only one you think capable of separating me from you, and that’s why you brought your quarrel with her to a crisis, so as to have to leave the Bridge Inn with me; but that, so far as I’m concerned, I belong to you whatever happens, you haven’t the slightest doubt. You think of the interview with Klamm as a business deal, a matter of hard cash. You take every possibility into account; providing that you reach your end you’re ready to do anything; should Klamm want me you are prepared to give me to him, should he want you to stick to me you’ll stick to me, should he want you to fling me out, you’ll fling me out, but you’re prepared to play a part too; if it’s advantageous to you you’ll give out that you love me, you’ll try to combat his indifference by emphasising your own littleness, and then shame him by the fact that you’re his successor, or you’ll be ready to carry him the protestations of love for him which you know I’ve made, and beg him to take me on again, of course on your terms; and if nothing else answers, then you’ll simply go and beg from him in the name of
K. and wife. But, the landlady said finally, when you see then that you have deceived yourself in everything, in your assumptions and in your hopes, in your ideas of Klamm and his relations with me, then my purgatory will begin, for then for the first time I’ll be in reality the only possession you’ll have to fall back on, but at the same time it will be a possession that has proved to be worthless, and you’ll treat it accordingly, seeing that you have no feeling for me but the feeling of ownership.”
With his lips tightly compressed K. had listened intently, the wood he was sitting on had rolled asunder though he had not noticed it, he had almost slid on to the floor, and now at last he got up, sat down on the dais, took Frieda’s hand, which she feebly tried to pull away, and said: “In what you’ve said I haven’t always been able to distinguish the landlady’s sentiments from your own.” “They’re the landlady’s sentiments purely,” said Frieda, “I heard her out because I respected her, but it was the first time in my life that I completely and wholly refused to accept her opinion. All that she said seemed to me so pitiful, so far from any understanding of how things stood between us. There seemed actually to be more truth to me in the direct opposite of what she said. I thought of that sad morning after our first night together. You kneeling beside me with a look as if everything were lost. And how it really seemed then that in spite of all I could do, I was not helping you but hindering you. It was through me that the landlady had become your enemy, a powerful enemy, whom even now you still undervalue; it was for my sake that you had to take thought, that you had to fight for your post, that you were at a disadvantage before the Superintendent, that you had to humble yourself before the teacher and were delivered over to the assistants, but worst of all for my sake you had perhaps lost your chance with Klamm. That you
