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epub:type="z3998:persona">The Elderly Gentleman This is outrageous. When I tried to step off the pier on to the road, I received a shock, followed by an attack of pins and needles which ceased only when I stepped back on to the stones. Zoo Yes: there is an electric hedge there. It is a very old and very crude method of keeping animals from straying. The Elderly Gentleman We are perfectly familiar with it in Baghdad, madam; but I little thought I should live to have it ignominiously applied to myself. You have actually Kiplingized me. Zoo Kiplingized! What is that? The Elderly Gentleman About a thousand years ago there were two authors named Kipling. One was an eastern and a writer of merit: the other, being a western, was of course only an amusing barbarian. He is said to have invented the electric hedge. I consider that in using it on me you have taken a very great liberty. Zoo What is a liberty? The Elderly Gentleman Exasperated. I shall not explain, madam. I believe you know as well as I do. He sits down on the bollard in dudgeon. Zoo No: even you can tell me things I do not know. Haven’t you noticed that all the time you have been here we have been asking you questions? The Elderly Gentleman Noticed it! It has almost driven me mad. Do you see my white hair? It was hardly grey when I landed: there were patches of its original auburn still distinctly discernible. Zoo That is one of the symptoms of discouragement. But have you noticed something much more important to yourself: that is, that you have never asked us any questions, although we know so much more than you do? The Elderly Gentleman I am not a child, madam. I believe I have had occasion to say that before. And I am an experienced traveller. I know that what the traveller observes must really exist, or he could not observe it. But what the natives tell him is invariably pure fiction. Zoo Not here, Daddy. With us life is too long for telling lies. They all get found out. Youd better ask me questions while you have the chance. The Elderly Gentleman If I have occasion to consult the oracle I shall address myself to a proper one: to a tertiary: not to a primary flapper playing at being an oracle. If you are a nurserymaid, attend to your duties; and do not presume to ape your elders. Zoo Rising ominously and reddening. You silly⁠— The Elderly Gentleman Thundering. Silence! Do you hear! Hold your tongue. Zoo Something very disagreeable is happening to me. I feel hot all over. I have a horrible impulse to injure you. What have you done to me? The Elderly Gentleman Triumphant. Aha! I have made you blush. Now you know what blushing means. Blushing with shame! Zoo Whatever you are doing, it is something so utterly evil that if you do not stop I will kill you. The Elderly Gentleman Apprehending his danger. Doubtless you think it safe to threaten an old man⁠— Zoo Fiercely. Old! You are a child: an evil child. We kill evil children here. We do it even against our own wills by instinct. Take care. The Elderly Gentleman Rising with crestfallen courtesy. I did not mean to hurt your feelings. I⁠—swallowing the apology with an effort I beg your pardon. He takes off his hat, and bows. Zoo What does that mean? The Elderly Gentleman I withdraw what I said. Zoo How can you withdraw what you said? The Elderly Gentleman I can say no more than that I am sorry. Zoo You have reason to be. That hideous sensation you gave me is subsiding; but you have had a very narrow escape. Do not attempt to kill me again; for at the first sign in your voice or face I shall strike you dead. The Elderly Gentleman I attempt to kill you! What a monstrous accusation! Zoo Frowns. ! The Elderly Gentleman Prudently correcting himself. I mean misunderstanding. I never dreamt of such a thing. Surely you cannot believe that I am a murderer. Zoo I know you are a murderer. It is not merely that you threw words at me as if they were stones, meaning to hurt me. It was the instinct to kill that you roused in me. I did not know it was in my nature: never before has it wakened and sprung out at me, warning me to kill or be killed. I must now reconsider my whole political position. I am no longer a Conservative. The Elderly Gentleman Dropping his hat. Gracious Heavens! you have lost your senses. I am at the mercy of a madwoman: I might have known it from the beginning. I can bear no more of this. Offering his chest for the sacrifice. Kill me at once; and much good may my death do you! Zoo It would be useless unless all the other short-livers were killed at the same time. Besides, it is a measure which should be taken politically and constitutionally, not privately. However, I am prepared to discuss it with you. The Elderly Gentleman No, no, no. I had much rather discuss your intention of withdrawing from the Conservative party. How the Conservatives have tolerated your opinions so far is more than I can imagine: I can only conjecture that you have contributed very liberally to the party funds. He picks up his hat, and sits down again. Zoo Do not babble so senselessly: our chief political controversy is the most momentous in the world for you and your like. The Elderly Gentleman Interested. Indeed? Pray, may I ask what it is? I am a keen politician, and may perhaps be of some use. He puts on his hat, cocking it slightly. Zoo We have two great parties: the Conservative party and the Colonization party. The Colonizers are of opinion that we should increase our numbers and colonize. The Conservatives hold that we should stay as we are, confined to these islands, a race