But Trench’s companion was already relieved of his fear. He had come out of his boyhood, and was rehearsing some interview which was to take place in the future.
“Will you take it back?” he asked, with a great deal of hesitation and timidity. “Really? The others have, all except the man who died at Tamai. And you will too!” He spoke as though he could hardly believe some piece of great good fortune which had befallen him. Then his voice changed to that of a man belittling his misfortunes. “Oh, it hasn’t been the best of times, of course. But then one didn’t expect the best of times. And at the worst, one had always the afterwards to look forward to … supposing one didn’t run. … I’m not sure that when the whole thing’s balanced, it won’t come out that you have really had the worst time. I know you … it would hurt you through and through, pride and heart and everything, and for a long time just as much as it hurt that morning when the daylight came through the blinds. And you couldn’t do anything! And you hadn’t the afterwards to look forward to … it was all over and done with for you …” and he lapsed again into mutterings.
Colonel Trench’s delight in the sound of his native tongue had now given place to a great curiosity as to the man who spoke and what he said. Trench had described himself a long while ago as he stood opposite the cabstand in the southwest corner of St. James’s Square: “I am an inquisitive, methodical person,” he had said, and he had not described himself amiss. Here was a life history, it seemed, being unfolded to his ears, and not the happiest of histories, perhaps, indeed, with something of tragedy at the heart of it. Trench began to speculate upon the meaning of that word “afterwards,” which came and went among the words like the motif in a piece of music and very likely was the life motif of the man who spoke them.
In the prison the heat became stifling, the darkness more oppressive, but the cries and shouts were dying down; their volume was less great, their intonation less shrill; stupor and fatigue and exhaustion were having their effect. Trench bent his head again to his companion and now heard more clearly.
“I saw your light that morning … you put it out suddenly … did you hear my step on the gravel? … I thought you did, it hurt rather,” and then he broke out into an emphatic protest. “No, no, I had no idea that you would wait. I had no wish that you should. Afterwards, perhaps, I thought, but nothing more, upon my word. Sutch was quite wrong. … Of course there was always the chance that one might come to grief oneself—get killed, you know, or fall ill and die—before one asked you to take your feather back; and then there wouldn’t even have been a chance of the afterwards. But that is the risk one had to take.”
The allusion was not direct enough for Colonel Trench’s comprehension. He heard the word “feather,” but he could not connect it as yet with any action of his own. He was more curious than ever about that “afterwards”; he began to have a glimmering of its meaning, and he was struck with wonderment at the thought of how many men there were going about the world with a calm and commonplace demeanour beneath which were hidden quaint fancies and poetic beliefs, never to be so much as suspected, until illness deprived the brain of its control.
“No, one of the reasons why I never said anything that night to you about what I intended was, I think, that I did not wish you to wait or have any suspicion of what I was going to attempt.” And then expostulation ceased, and he began to speak in a tone of interest. “Do you know, it has only occurred to me since I came to the Sudan, but I believe that Durrance cared.”
The name came with something of a shock upon Trench’s ears. This man knew Durrance! He was not merely a stranger of Trench’s blood, but he knew Durrance even as Trench knew him. There was a link between them, they had a friend in common. He knew Durrance, had fought in the same square with him, perhaps, at Tokar, or Tamai, or Tamanieb, just as Trench had done! And so Trench’s curiosity as to the life history in its turn gave place to a curiosity as to the identity of the man. He tried to see, knowing that in that black and noisome hovel sight was impossible. He might hear, though, enough to be assured. For if the stranger knew Durrance, it might be that he knew Trench as well. Trench listened; the sound of the voice, high pitched and rambling, told him nothing. He waited for the words, and the words came.
“Durrance stood at the window, after I had told them about you, Ethne.” And Trench repeated the name to himself. It was to a woman, then, that his newfound compatriot, this friend of Durrance, in his delirium imagined himself to be speaking—a woman named Ethne. Trench could recall
