Do they want to tell me now that all this was false? The psalm of my praise which was sung so devotedly, did it bring me down from my heaven, not to make heaven of earth, but only to level heaven itself with the dust?
XVI
“The money, Queen?” said Sandip with his keen glance full on my face.
Amulya also fixed his gaze on me. Though not my own mother’s child, yet the dear lad is brother to me; for mother is mother all the world over. With his guileless face, his gentle eyes, his innocent youth, he looked at me. And I, a woman—of his mother’s sex—how could I hand him poison, just because he asked for it?
“The money, Queen!” Sandip’s insolent demand rang in my ears. For very shame and vexation I felt I wanted to fling that gold at Sandip’s head. I could hardly undo the knot of my sari, my fingers trembled so. At last the paper rolls dropped on the table.
Sandip’s face grew black … He must have thought that the rolls were of silver … What contempt was in his looks. What utter disgust at incapacity. It was almost as if he could have struck me! He must have suspected that I had come to parley with him, to offer to compound his claim for five thousand rupees with a few hundreds. There was a moment when I thought he would snatch up the rolls and throw them out of the window, declaring that he was no beggar, but a king claiming tribute.
“Is that all?” asked Amulya with such pity welling up in his voice that I wanted to sob out aloud. I kept my heart tightly pressed down, and merely nodded my head.
Sandip was speechless. He neither touched the rolls, nor uttered a sound.
My humiliation went straight to the boy’s heart. With a sudden, feigned enthusiasm he exclaimed: “It’s plenty. It will do splendidly. You have saved us.” With which he tore open the covering of one of the rolls.
The sovereigns shone out. And in a moment the black covering seemed to be lifted from Sandip’s countenance also. His delight beamed forth from his features. Unable to control his sudden revulsion of feeling, he sprang up from his seat towards me. What he intended I know not. I flashed a lightning glance towards Amulya—the colour had left the boy’s face as at the stroke of a whip. Then with all my strength I thrust Sandip from me. As he reeled back his head struck the edge of the marble table and he dropped on the floor. There he lay awhile, motionless. Exhausted with my effort, I sank back on my seat.
Amulya’s face lightened with a joyful radiance. He did not even turn towards Sandip, but came straight up, took the dust of my feet, and then remained there, sitting on the floor in front of me. O my little brother, my child! This reverence of yours is the last touch of heaven left in my empty world! I could contain myself no longer, and my tears flowed fast. I covered my eyes with the end of my sari, which I pressed to my face with both my hands, and sobbed and sobbed. And every time that I felt on my feet his tender touch trying to comfort me my tears broke out afresh.
After a little, when I had recovered myself and taken my hands from my face, I saw Sandip back at the table, gathering up the sovereigns in his handkerchief, as if nothing had happened. Amulya rose to his seat, from his place near my feet, his wet eyes shining.
Sandip coolly looked up at my face as he remarked: “It is six thousand.”
“What do we want with so much, Sandip Babu?” cried Amulya. “Three thousand five hundred is all we need for our work.”
“Our wants are not for this one place only,” Sandip replied. “We shall want all we can get.”
“That may be,” said Amulya. “But in future I undertake to get you all you want. Out of this, Sandip Babu, please return the extra two thousand five hundred to the Maharani.”
Sandip glanced enquiringly at me.
“No, no,” I exclaimed. “I shall never touch that money again. Do with it as you will.”
“Can man ever give as woman can?” said Sandip, looking towards Amulya.
“They are goddesses!” agreed Amulya with enthusiasm.
“We men can at best give of our power,” continued Sandip. “But women give themselves. Out of their own life they give birth, out of their own life they give sustenance. Such gifts are the only true gifts.” Then turning to me, “Queen!” said he, “if what you have given us had been only money I would not have touched it. But you have given that which is more to you than life itself!”
There must be two different persons inside men. One of these in me can understand that Sandip is trying to delude me; the other is content to be deluded. Sandip has power, but no strength of righteousness. The weapon of his which rouses up life smites it again to death. He has the unfailing quiver of the gods, but the shafts in them are of the demons.
Sandip’s handkerchief was not large enough to hold all the coins. “Queen,” he asked, “can you give me another?”
When I gave him mine, he reverently touched his forehead with it, and then suddenly kneeling on the floor he made me an obeisance. “Goddess!” he said, “it was to offer my reverence that I had approached you, but you repulsed me, and rolled me in the dust. Be it so, I accept
