The Birds

speak on. Prometheus Then listen. Pisthetaerus I am listening, proceed! Prometheus It’s all over with Zeus. Pisthetaerus Ah! and since when, pray? Prometheus Since you founded this city in the air. There is not a man who now sacrifices to the gods; the smoke of the victims no longer reaches us. Not the smallest offering comes! We fast as though it were the festival of Demeter.170 The barbarian gods, who are dying of hunger, are bawling like Illyrians171 and threaten to make an armed descent upon Zeus, if he does not open markets where joints of the victims are sold. Pisthetaerus What! there are other gods besides you, barbarian gods who dwell above Olympus? Prometheus If there were no barbarian gods, who would be the patron of Execestides?172 Pisthetaerus And what is the name of these gods? Prometheus Their name? Why, the Triballi.173 Pisthetaerus Ah, indeed! ’tis from that no doubt that we derive the word “tribulation.”174 Prometheus Most likely. But one thing I can tell you for certain, namely, that Zeus and the celestial Triballi are going to send deputies here to sue for peace. Now don’t you treat, unless Zeus restores the sceptre to the birds and gives you Basileia175 in marriage. Pisthetaerus Who is this Basileia? Prometheus A very fine young damsel, who makes the lightning for Zeus; all things come from her, wisdom, good laws, virtue, the fleet, calumnies, the public paymaster and the triobolus. Pisthetaerus Ah! then she is a sort of general manageress to the god. Prometheus Yes, precisely. If he gives you her for your wife, yours will be the almighty power. That is what I have come to tell you; for you know my constant and habitual goodwill towards men. Pisthetaerus Oh, yes! ’tis thanks to you that we roast our meat.176 Prometheus I hate the gods, as you know. Pisthetaerus Aye, by Zeus, you have always detested them. Prometheus Towards them I am a veritable Timon;177 but I must return in all haste, so give me the umbrella; if Zeus should see me from up there, he would think I was escorting one of the Canephori.178 Pisthetaerus Wait, take this stool as well. Chorus Near by the land of the Sciapodes179 there is a marsh, from the borders whereof the odious Socrates evokes the souls of men. Pisander180 came one day to see his soul, which he had left there when still alive. He offered a little victim, a camel,181 slit his throat and, following the example of Ulysses, stepped one pace backwards.182 Then that bat of a Chaerephon183 came up from hell to drink the camel’s blood. Posidon184 This is the city of Nephelococcygia, Cloud-cuckoo-town, whither we come as ambassadors. To Triballus. Hi! what are you up to? you are throwing your cloak over the left shoulder. Come, fling it quick over the right! And why, pray, does it draggle in this fashion? Have you ulcers to hide like Laespodias?185 Oh! democracy!186 whither, oh! whither are you leading us? Is it possible that the gods have chosen such an envoy? Triballus Leave me alone. Posidon Ugh! the cursed savage! you are by far the most barbarous of all the gods.⁠—Tell me, Heracles, what are we going to do? Heracles I have already told you that I want to strangle the fellow who has dared to block us in. Posidon But, my friend, we are envoys of peace. Heracles All the more reason why I wish to strangle him. Pisthetaerus Hand me the cheese-grater; bring me the silphium for sauce; pass me the cheese and watch the coals.187 Heracles Mortal! we who greet you are three gods. Pisthetaerus Wait a bit till I have prepared my silphium pickle. Heracles What are these meats?188 Pisthetaerus These are birds that have been punished with death for attacking the people’s friends. Heracles And you are seasoning them before answering us? Pisthetaerus Ah! Heracles! welcome, welcome! What’s the matter?189 Heracles The gods have sent us here as ambassadors to treat for peace. A servant There’s no more oil in the flask. Pisthetaerus And yet the birds must be thoroughly basted with it.190 Heracles We have no interest to serve in fighting you; as for you, be friends and we promise that you shall always have rainwater in your pools and the warmest of warm weather. So far as these points go we are armed with plenary authority. Pisthetaerus We have never been the aggressors, and even now we are as well disposed for peace as yourselves, provided you agree to one equitable condition, namely, that Zeus yield his sceptre to the birds. If only this is agreed to, I invite the ambassadors to dinner. Heracles That’s good enough for me. I vote for peace. Posidon You wretch! you are nothing but a fool and a glutton. Do you want to dethrone your own father? Pisthetaerus What an error! Why, the gods will be much more powerful if the birds govern the earth. At present the mortals are hidden beneath the clouds, escape your observation, and commit perjury in your name; but if you had the birds for your allies, and a man, after having sworn by the crow and Zeus, should fail to keep his oath, the crow would dive down upon him unawares and pluck out his eye. Posidon Well thought of, by Posidon!191 Heracles My notion too. Pisthetaerus To the Triballian. And you, what’s your opinion? Triballus Nabaisatreu.192 Pisthetaerus D’you see? he also approves. But hear another thing in which we can serve you. If a man vows to offer a sacrifice to some god, and then procrastinates, pretending that the gods can wait, and thus does not keep his word, we shall punish his stinginess. Posidon Ah! ah! and how? Pisthetaerus While he is counting his money or is in the bath, a kite will