The Birds

our help to triumph over their foes or to be useful to their friends? Epops They speak of benefits so great it is impossible either to describe or conceive them; all shall be yours, all that we see here, there, above and below us; this they vouch for. Chorus Are they mad? Epops They are the sanest people in the world. Chorus Clever men? Epops The slyest of foxes, cleverness its very self, men of the world, cunning, the cream of knowing folk. Chorus Tell them to speak and speak quickly; why, as I listen to you, I am beside myself with delight. Epops Here, you there, take all these weapons and hang them up inside close to the fire, near the figure of the god who presides there and under his protection;44 as for you, address the birds, tell them why I have gathered them together. Pisthetaerus Not I, by Apollo, unless they agree with me as the little ape of an armourer agreed with his wife, not to bite me, nor pull me by the parts, nor shove things up my⁠ ⁠… Chorus You mean the⁠ ⁠… Puts finger to bottom. Oh! be quite at ease. Pisthetaerus No, I mean my eyes. Chorus Agreed. Pisthetaerus Swear it. Chorus I swear it and, if I keep my promise, let judges and spectators give me the victory unanimously. Pisthetaerus It is a bargain. Chorus And if I break my word, may I succeed by one vote only. Herald Hearken, ye people! Hoplites, pick up your weapons and return to your firesides; do not fail to read the decrees of dismissal we have posted. Chorus Man is a truly cunning creature, but nevertheless explain. Perhaps you are going to show me some good way to extend my power, some way that I have not had the wit to find out and which you have discovered. Speak! ’tis to your own interest as well as to mine, for if you secure me some advantage, I will surely share it with you. But what object can have induced you to come among us? Speak boldly, for I shall not break the truce⁠—until you have told us all. Pisthetaerus I am bursting with desire to speak; I have already mixed the dough of my address and nothing prevents me from kneading it.⁠ ⁠… Slave! bring the chaplet and water, which you must pour over my hands. Be quick!45 Euelpides Is it a question of feasting? What does it all mean? Pisthetaerus By Zeus, no! but I am hunting for fine, tasty words to break down the hardness of their hearts.⁠—I grieve so much for you, who at one time were kings⁠ ⁠… Chorus We kings! Over whom? Pisthetaerus … of all that exists, firstly of me and of this man, even of Zeus himself. Your race is older than Saturn, the Titans and the Earth. Chorus What, older than the Earth! Pisthetaerus By Phoebus, yes. Chorus By Zeus, but I never knew that before! Pisthetaerus ’Tis because you are ignorant and heedless, and have never read your Aesop. ’Tis he who tells us that the lark was born before all other creatures, indeed before the Earth; his father died of sickness, but the Earth did not exist then; he remained unburied for five days, when the bird in its dilemma decided, for want of a better place, to entomb its father in its own head. Euelpides So that the lark’s father is buried at Cephalae.46 Epops Hence, if we existed before the Earth, before the gods, the kingship belongs to us by right of priority. Euelpides Undoubtedly, but sharpen your beak well; Zeus won’t be in a hurry to hand over his sceptre to the woodpecker. Pisthetaerus It was not the gods, but the birds, who were formerly the masters and kings over men; of this I have a thousand proofs. First of all, I will point you to the cock, who governed the Persians before all other monarchs, before Darius and Megabyzus.47 ’Tis in memory of his reign that he is called the Persian bird. Euelpides For this reason also, even today, he alone of all the birds wears his tiara straight on his head, like the Great King.48 Pisthetaerus He was so strong, so great, so feared, that even now, on account of his ancient power, everyone jumps out of bed as soon as ever he crows at daybreak. Blacksmiths, potters, tanners, shoemakers, bathmen, corn-dealers, lyre-makers and armourers, all put on their shoes and go to work before it is daylight. Euelpides I can tell you something about that. ’Twas the cock’s fault that I lost a splendid tunic of Phrygian wool. I was at a feast in town, given to celebrate the birth of a child; I had drunk pretty freely and had just fallen asleep, when a cock, I suppose in a greater hurry than the rest, began to crow. I thought it was dawn and set out for Alimos.49 I had hardly got beyond the walls, when a footpad struck me in the back with his bludgeon; down I went and wanted to shout, but he had already made off with my mantle. Pisthetaerus Formerly also the kite was ruler and king over the Greeks. Epops The Greeks? Pisthetaerus And when he was king, ’twas he who first taught them to fall on their knees before the kites.50 Euelpides By Zeus! ’tis what I did myself one day on seeing a kite; but at the moment I was on my knees, and leaning backwards51 with mouth agape, I bolted an obolus and was forced to carry my bag home empty.52 Pisthetaerus The cuckoo was king of Egypt and of the whole of Phoenicia. When he called out “cuckoo,” all the Phoenicians hurried to the fields to reap their wheat and their barley.53 Euelpides Hence no doubt the proverb, “Cuckoo! cuckoo! go to the fields, ye circumcised.”54 Pisthetaerus So powerful were the birds that the kings of Grecian cities, Agamemnon, Menelaus, for instance, carried a bird on the tip of