Ivanov

but there are as many great ideas in it as fish in the sea. Shabelsky He is a specialist in them! Lebedyev God bless you, you do amuse me, Mihail Mihailovitch. Stops laughing. We keep chattering away, but what about vodka? Repetatur! Fills three wineglasses. To our good health! They drink and eat a little. Good old red herring is the best sort of snack one can have. Shabelsky No, cucumber is better.⁠ ⁠… The learned men have been busy thinking since the creation of the world, but they have thought of nothing better than salted cucumber. To Pyotr. Pyotr, go and get some more cucumbers and tell the cook to fry us four onion turnovers, and send them hot. Pyotr goes out. Lebedyev Caviar is not bad with vodka either. But you want to use it properly.⁠ ⁠… You want to take a quarter of a pound of pressed caviar, two spring onions, olive oil, mix it all together⁠ ⁠… and just a little wee drop of lemon on the top of it, you know. Gorgeous! The very smell of it is stunning. Borkin A dish of fried gudgeon is good after vodka too. Only one must know how to fry them. They must be cleaned, then dipped in sifted breadcrumbs and fried till they are dry, so that they crunch in the teeth.⁠ ⁠… Kroo-kroo-kroo.⁠ ⁠… Shabelsky We had a good dish at Madame Babakin’s yesterday⁠—mushrooms. Lebedyev I daresay.⁠ ⁠… Shabelsky Only it was prepared in some special way. You know, with onion and bay leaves and all sorts of condiments. As soon as the cover was taken off there was a steam, a smell⁠ ⁠… delicious! Lebedyev Well, what do you say? Repetatur, gentlemen. They drink. To our good health! Looks at his watch. I am afraid I can’t wait for Nikolay. It’s time I was off. You say you had mushrooms at Madame Babakin’s, and we have not seen a mushroom yet. And just tell me, if you please, why the devil are you so often at Marfa’s? Shabelsky Nods towards Borkin. Why, he wants to marry me to her. Lebedyev Marry? Why, how old are you? Shabelsky Sixty-two. Lebedyev The very time to get married. And Marfa is just the match for you. Borkin It is not a question of Marfa, but of Marfa’s roubles. Lebedyev Anything else! Maria’s roubles! You will be crying for the moon next! Borkin When the man is married and has stuffed his pockets, you will see whether it’s crying for the moon! You will envy his luck. Shabelsky And you know he is in earnest. This genius is convinced that I’ll do what he tells me and marry her. Borkin Why, of course! Aren’t you convinced of it too? Shabelsky You are crazy.⁠ ⁠… When was I convinced? Phew! Borkin Thank you.⁠ ⁠… Thank you very much! So you want to make a fool of me? First, it’s I’ll marry and then I won’t marry.⁠ ⁠… Who the devil is to make you out? And I have given my word of honour! So you won’t marry her? Shabelsky Shrugging his shoulders. He is in earnest! Amazing person! Borkin Indignant. In that case what do you want to upset a respectable woman for? She is mad on being a countess, can’t sleep or eat.⁠ ⁠… Is it a subject to joke about? Is it honest? Shabelsky Snapping his fingers. Well, and how if I do play this dirty trick after all? What? Just for mischief? I’ll go and do it! On my word.⁠ ⁠… It will be fun! Enter Lvov. Lebedyev Doctor, our humble respects! Gives Lvov his hand and sings. Doctor, save me kindly, sir, I am in deadly fear of death! Lvov Nikolay Alexeyevitch has not come in yet? Lebedyev Why no, I have been waiting for him for more than an hour. Lvov strides impatiently up and down the stage. Well, my dear fellow, how is Anna Petrovna? Lvov Very ill. Lebedyev Sighs. Can I go and pay her my respects? Lvov No, please don’t go. I believe she is asleep⁠ ⁠… a pause. Lebedyev She is a nice, sweet woman sighs. On Sasha’s birthday, when she fainted at our house, I looked at her face and I saw she had not long to live, poor dear. I don’t know why she was taken ill then. I ran up, I looked at her and she was lying pale as death, with Nikolay on his knees beside her as pale as she, and Sasha in tears. Sasha and I went about as though we were dazed for a week after. Shabelsky To Lvov. Tell me, honoured votary of science, what learned sage was it discovered that ladies with delicate chests are benefited by the frequent visits of a young doctor? It’s a great discovery, great! To which is it to be ascribed: to the allopaths or the homeopaths? Lvov is on the point of answering, but with a contemptuous gesture walks away. Shabelsky What a withering glance.⁠ ⁠… Lebedyev And what devil sets your tongue wagging? Why did you insult him? Shabelsky Irritably. And what does he tell lies for? Consumption, no hope, she is dying.⁠ ⁠… It’s all lies! I can’t endure it! Lebedyev What makes you think he is lying? Shabelsky Gets up and walks about. I can’t admit the idea that a living creature should suddenly, apropos of nothing, go and die. Let us drop the subject! Enter Kossih. Kossih Runs in, breathless. Is Nikolay Alexeyevitch at home? Good morning! Rapidly shakes hands with everyone. Is he at home? Borkin No; he is out. Kossih Sits down and leaps up. If that’s so, goodbye! Drinks a glass of vodka and hurriedly eats something. I’ll go on⁠ ⁠… I am busy⁠ ⁠… I am worn out⁠ ⁠… I can hardly stand up.⁠ ⁠… Lebedyev Where have you dropped from? Kossih From Barabanov’s.⁠ ⁠… We were playing vint all night, and have only just finished.⁠ ⁠… I am cleaned out.⁠ ⁠… That Barabanov plays like a cobbler! In a weeping voice. Just listen: all the time I was playing hearts.⁠ ⁠… Addresses Borkin, who skips