Ivanov

am honest! I am stifled in this atmosphere! Vultures! Owl’s nest! Crocodiles!” He used to leave the menagerie alone, and when he had been indignant all I heard from him was, “Ah, how unjust I was today!” or “Anyuta, I am sorry for that man!” That’s what he was like, while you⁠ ⁠… They go out. Enter Avdotya Nazarovna and First Guest. First Guest Coming in from door on left. It’s not in the dining-room, so it must be somewhere in the larder. We must try Yegorushka. Let us go through the drawing-room. Avdotya Couldn’t I tear her to pieces! They go out at door on right. Madame Babakin and Borkin run out of the garden, laughing; Shabelsky comes tripping after them, laughing, and rubbing his hands. Madame Babakin How dull it is! Laughs. It is dull! They all sit and walk about as though they had swallowed a poker. I am stiff with boredom skips about. I must stretch my legs! Borkin puts his arm round her waist and kisses her on the cheek. Shabelsky Laughs and snaps his fingers. Dash it all! Clears his throat. After all⁠ ⁠… Madame Babakin Let go, take away your arm, you shameless fellow, or goodness knows what the Count will think! Leave off!⁠ ⁠… Borkin Angel of my soul, jewel of my heart!⁠ ⁠… kisses her. Do lend me two thousand three hundred roubles!⁠ ⁠… Madame Babakin N‑no, n‑no, n‑no.⁠ ⁠… You may say what you like, but as regards money, no thank you.⁠ ⁠… No, no, no! Oh, take your arms away! Shabelsky Prances round them. The little dumpling.⁠ ⁠… She has her charm.⁠ ⁠… Borkin Gravely. Come, that’s enough. Let us come to the point. Let us discuss things straightforwardly, in a businesslike way. Give me a direct answer, without any tricks or subtleties: yes or no? Listen points to the Count. He wants money, at least three thousand roubles a year. You want a husband. Would you like to be a Countess? Shabelsky Laughs. A wonderful cynic! Borkin Would you like to be a Countess? Yes or no? Madame Babakin Agitated. Do think what you are saying, Misha, really! And such things aren’t done in this slapdash way.⁠ ⁠… If the Count wishes it he can himself⁠ ⁠… and I don’t know really how, all of a minute.⁠ ⁠… Borkin Come, come, that’s enough airs and graces! It’s a business matter.⁠ ⁠… Yes or no? Shabelsky Laughing and rubbing his hands. Yes, really, eh? Dash it all, why not play this dirty trick? What? The dumpling! Kisses Madame Babakin on the cheek. Charmer! Peach! Madame Babakin Wait a minute, wait a minute.⁠ ⁠… You’ve quite upset me.⁠ ⁠… Go away, go away! No, don’t go!⁠ ⁠… Borkin Make haste! Yes or no? We’ve no time to waste.⁠ ⁠… Madame Babakin I tell you what, Count. You come and stay with me for two or three days.⁠ ⁠… You’ll find it jolly, it’s not like this house. Come tomorrow.⁠ ⁠… To Borkin. No, you are joking, aren’t you? Borkin Angrily. As though one would joke about serious things! Madame Babakin Wait a minute, wait a minute.⁠ ⁠… Oh, I feel faint! I feel faint! Countess⁠ ⁠… I am fainting.⁠ ⁠… I shall drop.⁠ ⁠… Borkin and the Count, laughing, take her arm-in-arm and, kissing her on the cheek, lead her out by door on right. Ivanov and Sasha run in from the garden. Ivanov Clutching his head in despair. It cannot be! Don’t, don’t, Sasha!⁠ ⁠… Oh, don’t! Sasha Carried away. I love you madly. There is no meaning in life, no joy, no happiness without you! You are everything to me!⁠ ⁠… Ivanov What’s the use, what’s the use? My God! I don’t understand it! Sasha, don’t!⁠ ⁠… Sasha In my childhood you were my only joy; I loved you and your soul like myself, but now⁠ ⁠… I love you, Nikolay Alexeyevitch!⁠ ⁠… I’ll go with you to the ends of the earth, where you like, to the grave, if you will, but for God’s sake let it be soon or I shall be stifled.⁠ ⁠… Ivanov Breaks into a happy laugh. What is it? Beginning life again then, Sasha, yes?⁠ ⁠… My happiness! Draws her to him. My youth, my freshness!⁠ ⁠… Anna Petrovna comes in from the garden and, seeing her husband and Sasha, stands rooted to the spot. Ivanov I am to live then? Yes? To get to work again? A kiss. After the kiss Ivanov and Sasha look round and see Anna Petrovna. Ivanov In horror. Sarra!

Curtain.

Act III

Ivanov’s study. A writing-table on which papers, books, official envelopes, knickknacks and revolvers are lying in disorder; near the papers a lamp, a decanter of vodka, a plate of herring, pieces of bread and cucumber. On the walls maps, pictures, guns, pistols, sickles, whips, etc. It is midday.

Shabelsky, Lebedyev, Borkin and Pyotr. Shabelsky and Lebedyev are sitting by the writing-table, Borkin in the middle of the stage astride a chair. Pyotr is standing at the door.

Lebedyev	The policy of France is clear and definite.⁠ ⁠… The French know what they want. All they want is to flay the sausage-eaters, while it is quite a different story with Germany. Germany has plenty of specks in her eye besides France.⁠ ⁠…
Shabelsky	Nonsense!⁠ ⁠… What I think is that the Germans are cowards and the French are cowards too. They are simply putting out their tongues at each other on the sly. Believe me, things won’t go further than that. They won’t come to fighting.
Borkin	And to my mind, there is no need to fight. What is the use of all these armaments, congresses, expenditure? I tell you what I should do. I should collect dogs from all over the country, innoculate them with a good dose of Pasteur’s virus and let them loose in the enemy’s country. All the enemy would run mad with hydrophobia in a month.
Lebedyev	Laughs. His head is small to look at,