Ivanov

Do you know what, Matvey?⁠—you will talk yourself into such a state that, excuse my saying so, they will clap you into a madhouse. Shabelsky And is a madhouse worse than any other house? You can take me there today if you like; I don’t care. Everyone is mean, petty, trivial and dull. I am disgusting to myself; I don’t believe a word I say.⁠ ⁠… Lebedyev I tell you what, Matvey⁠—you should take some tow in your mouth, put a match to it, and breathe out fire and flame. Or, better still, take your cap and go home. This is a wedding; everyone is making merry, while you croak like a crow. Yes, really.⁠ ⁠… Shabelsky bends over the piano and sobs. Lebedyev Holy saints! Matvey! Count! What is the matter with you? Matyusha, my dear⁠ ⁠… my angel⁠ ⁠… I have offended you? Come, you must forgive an old dog like me⁠ ⁠… Forgive a drunkard⁠ ⁠… have some water. Shabelsky I don’t want it raises his head. Lebedyev Why are you crying? Shabelsky Oh, it’s nothing!⁠ ⁠… Lebedyev Come, Matyusha, don’t tell stories. What’s the reason? Shabelsky I happened to look at that cello⁠ ⁠… and thought of the poor little Jewess.⁠ ⁠… Lebedyev Phew! you’ve pitched on the right minute to think of her! The kingdom of heaven and eternal peace be hers! But this is not the time to remember her. Shabelsky We used to play duets together.⁠ ⁠… She was a wonderful, splendid woman! Sasha sobs. Lebedyev What’s the matter with you now? Give over! Lord, they are both howling! And I⁠—I⁠ ⁠… You might at least go somewhere else; people may see you. Shabelsky Pasha, when the sun shines it’s merry in the churchyard. If one has hope one may be happy in old age. But I have no hopes left, not one! Lebedyev Yes, things really aren’t very bright for you.⁠ ⁠… You’ve no children, no money, no work.⁠ ⁠… Well, it can’t be helped. To Sasha. And what’s the matter with you? Shabelsky Pasha, give me some money. We’ll settle accounts in the next world. I’ll go to Paris and look at my wife’s grave. I’ve given away a lot in my day: I gave away half my property, and so I have a right to ask. Besides, I am asking a friend.⁠ ⁠… Lebedyev In a fluster. My dear boy, I haven’t a penny! But all right, all right! That is, I don’t promise anything, but you understand⁠ ⁠… very good, very good!⁠ ⁠… Aside. They worry the life out of me. Madame Babakin Coming in. Where is my partner? Count, how dare you leave me alone? Ah, horrid man! Taps the Count on the hand with her fan. Shabelsky Shrinking away. Leave me alone! I hate you! Madame Babakin Aghast. What?⁠ ⁠… Eh?⁠ ⁠… Shabelsky Go away! Madame Babakin Sinks into a chair. Oh! Weeps. Zinaida Savishna Enters, weeping. Somebody has arrived.⁠ ⁠… I believe it’s the best man. It’s time for the blessing sobs. Sasha In a voice of entreaty. Mother! Lebedyev Well, they are all howling! It’s a quartet! Oh, leave off, you are making the place so damp! Matvey⁠ ⁠… Marfa Yegorovna!⁠ ⁠… Why, I shall cry myself in a minute⁠ ⁠… weeps. My goodness! Zinaida Well, since you don’t care for your mother, since you are disobedient⁠ ⁠… I’ll comply with your wishes and give you my blessing. Ivanov comes in; he is in a dress-suit and gloves. Lebedyev This is the last straw! What is it? Sasha Why have you come? Ivanov I am sorry. May I speak to Sasha alone? Lebedyev That’s not at all the thing for you to come to the bride before the wedding! You ought to be on your way to the church! Ivanov Pasha, I beg you⁠ ⁠… Lebedyev shrugs his shoulders; he, Zinaida Savishna, Shabelsky and Madame Babakin go out. Sasha Severely. What do you want? Ivanov I am choking with fury, but I can speak coolly. Listen! Just now I was dressing for the wedding. I looked in the glass and saw that I had grey hairs on my temples.⁠ ⁠… Sasha, it’s not right! While there is still time we ought to break off this senseless farce.⁠ ⁠… You are young and pure, your life is before you, while I⁠ ⁠… Sasha That’s all stale. I have heard it a thousand times and I am sick of it! Go to the church! Don’t keep people waiting. Ivanov I am going home at once, and you tell your people that there will be no wedding. Give them some explanation. We have been foolish long enough. I’ve played the Hamlet and you the noble maiden, and that will do. Sasha Flaring up. What do you mean by speaking like that? I won’t listen. Ivanov But I am speaking, and I will speak. Sasha What have you come for? Your whining is turning into jeering. Ivanov No, I am not whining now. Jeering? Yes, I am jeering. And if I could jeer at myself a thousand times more bitterly and set the whole world laughing, I would do it. I looked at myself in the looking-glass and it was as though a shell exploded in my conscience! I laughed at myself and almost went out of my mind with shame laughs. Melancholy! Noble sorrow! Mysterious sadness! To crown it all I ought to write verses.⁠ ⁠… To whine, to lament, to make people miserable, to recognise that vital energy is lost forever, that I have gone to seed, outlived my day, that I have given in to weakness and sunk over my ears in this loathsome apathy⁠—to feel all this when the sun is shining brightly, when even the ant is dragging his little load and is satisfied with himself⁠—no, thanks! To see some people thinking you a fraud, others sorry for you, others holding out a helping hand, while some⁠—worst of all⁠—listen with reverence to your sighs, look upon you as a prophet, and are all agog for you to reveal some new religion.⁠ ⁠… No, thank God I have still some pride and conscience! As I came here, I laughed at myself and felt as though