Ivanov

you have no money to pay the interest, but I am a father, I understand.⁠ ⁠… Her mother can do as she likes, bless the woman; if she won’t give the money, she need not. Sasha says she does not want a dowry. Principles, Schopenhauer.⁠ ⁠… That’s all tosh⁠ ⁠… I have a private ten thousand in the bank looks round. Not a dog in the house knows of it.⁠ ⁠… Granny’s money⁠ ⁠… that is for you too.⁠ ⁠… Take it, only on one condition: give Matvey two thousand.⁠ ⁠… Guests assemble in the back drawing-room. Ivanov Pasha, it’s no use talking. I shall act as my conscience tells me. Sasha And I shall act as my conscience tells me. You can say what you like, I won’t give you up. I’ll go and call mother goes out. Lebedyev I can’t make head or tail of it. Ivanov Listen, poor fellow.⁠ ⁠… I am not going to tell you what I am⁠—honest or a fraud, healthy or a neurotic. There is no making you understand. I used to be young, ardent, earnest, and not a fool: I loved, I hated, and I believed not as others do; I hoped and did the work of ten; I fought with windmills, I knocked my head against the wall; not measuring my strength, not considering, knowing nothing of life, I took up a burden which broke my back and strained my muscles; I made haste to spend all of myself in my youth; I was intoxicated, I worked myself up, I toiled, I knew no moderation. And tell me, could I have done otherwise? We are few, you know, and there is so much to do, so much! My God! how much! And see how cruelly the life with which I struggled has paid me out! I have overstrained myself. At thirty came the awakening, I was already old and slothful. Exhausted, overstrained, broken, with my head heavy and my soul indolent, without faith, without love, without an object in life, I linger like a shadow among men and don’t know what I am, what I am living for, what I want.⁠ ⁠… And I fancy that love is nonsense and tenderness, mawkish, that there is no sense in work, that songs and words of enthusiasm are vulgar and stale, and everywhere I bring with me misery, chilly boredom, dissatisfaction, distaste for life.⁠ ⁠… I am lost beyond all hope! Before you stands a man worn out at thirty-five; disillusioned, crushed by his own paltry efforts; he is burning with shame, mocking at his own feebleness.⁠ ⁠… Oh, how my pride revolts, how I choke with rage! Staggering. There, what I have brought myself to! I am simply reeling.⁠ ⁠… I feel ill. Where is Matvey? Let him take me home. Voices in the back room: “The best man has come!” Shabelsky Entering. In a shabby, borrowed coat⁠ ⁠… with no gloves⁠ ⁠… and how many jeering looks, silly jokes, vulgar grins on account of it!⁠ ⁠… Disgusting cads! Borkin Enters hurriedly, with a bouquet; he is in evening dress and wearing a flower as the badge of the best man. Ough! Where is he? To Ivanov. They have been waiting for you at the church for ever so long and here you are airing your views. He is a funny chap! He really is a funny chap! You mustn’t go to church with your bride, but separately, with me, and I will come back from the church and fetch the bride. Do you mean to say you don’t even know that? He really is a funny chap! Lvov Entering, to Ivanov. Ah, you are here? Loudly. Nikolay Alexeyevitch Ivanov, I proclaim in the hearing of all that you are a scoundrel! Ivanov Coldly. I am very much obliged to you. General perturbation. Borkin To Lvov. Sir, this is contemptible! I challenge you to a duel! Lvov Mr. Borkin, I regard it as degrading not only to fight, but even to speak with you! But Mr. Ivanov may receive satisfaction whenever he chooses. Shabelsky Sir, I shall fight you! Sasha To Lvov. What have you insulted him for? What is it for? Gentlemen, please, let him tell me what made him do it. Lvov Alexandra Pavlovna, I did not insult him without grounds. I came here as an honest man to open your eyes, and I beg you to hear me. Sasha What can you say? That you are an honest man? The whole world knows that! You had better tell me on your conscience whether you understand yourself or not! You have come in here just now as an honest man and flung at him a terrible insult which has almost killed me; in old days, when you used to follow him about like a shadow and poisoned his life, you were convinced that you were doing your duty, that you were an honest man. You have meddled in his private life, you have blackened his name and condemned him; whenever you could you pelted me and all his friends with anonymous letters⁠—and all the time you thought you were a conscientious man. You, a doctor, thought it honourable and did not spare even his sick wife; you gave her no peace with your suspicions. And whatever outrage, whatever cruel meanness you may commit, you will always believe that you are a conscientious and advanced man! Ivanov Laughing. This is not a wedding, but a debate! Bravo, bravo! Sasha To Lvov. So now think a little: do you understand yourself or not? Dull-witted, heartless people! Takes Ivanov by the hand. Come away, Nikolay! Father, come! Ivanov Come where? Wait a minute, I will make an end of it all! My youth is awakened in me, my old self is roused! Takes out his revolver. Sasha Screams. I know what he means to do! Nikolay, for God’s sake! Ivanov I’ve been rolling down hill long enough, now a halt! It’s time to know when to take leave! Stand back! Thanks, Sasha! Sasha