`Because I'm a kind-hearted fellow.'
I waited until he was about to explode with curiosity, then I told him what I had just agreed with the cane- weaver: I would clear out the apartment and in return live there rent-free. Once we moved in I would keep an eye on the lockup when it was closed, allowing the weaver greater freedom to buzz off to his family.
Smaractus was nonplussed by this news. The word 'rent-free' was not in a landlord's vocabulary. I explained what it meant. He then used some phrases that proved what I had always suspected: he had been brought up by runaway trireme slaves in an unlicensed abattoir.
`I'm glad you approve,' I told him. Then I left, while he was still choking on his wine.
XV
NEXT MORNING I presented myself at the Aventine Watch. The Fourth Cohort had its tribunal headquarters in the Twelfth region, the Piscina Publica, which most people deemed more salubrious. Alongside the HQ was a station house for the foot patrols, where their fire-fighting equipment was stored. To cover their other patch, the Thirteenth region, they had a second station house, to which Petronius bunked off whenever possible. That was where he kept an office staffed by his casework team of plain-clothes enquiry agents and scribes. They had a lockup for people who were caught in the act by the foot patrols or who sensibly chose to confess as soon as challenged, plus a room for more detailed questioning. It was small, but had interesting iron devices hung on all the walls. And there was just space to get a good swing with a boot.
Fusculus was outside the office, helping an old, woman compose a petition. They had a bench in the portico for local people who came with complaints. The duty clerk, a lanky youth who never said much, leaned down and worked grit out of his left sandal while Fusculus very patiently went through the procedure for the crone: `I can't write it for you. Only you know the facts. You want to start off: To Lucius Petronius Longus, chief enquirer of the Thirteenth region… Don't worry. The scribes will put that bit automatically. From… Then say who you are, and tell us details of your loss. On the Ides of October, or whenever it was -'
`Yesterday.'
Fusculus kicked the clerk into action. `The day after the Ides, there was stolen from me…'
`A bedcover.' The woman had caught on rapidly, as they do when they have persuaded some handsome young fellow to work for them. `By a street gang who removed it from my balcony. In Conch Court, off Armilustrum Street.'
`Worth?' Fusculus managed to squeeze in.
`A denarius!' She was probably guessing.
`How long had you had it?' demanded Fusculus suspiciously. `What was this treasure made of?'
`Wool! The most serviceable wool. I'd had it twenty years
`Put: worth a dupondius! Then the usual formula: I therefore request that you give instructions for an enquiry into the matter…'
As the clerk began to write, Fusculus nodded me indoors. He was a round, happy fellow, about thirty-five years and a hundred and eighty pounds. Balding on top, the rest of his hair ran around his skull in horizontal ridges. It had remained dark, and he had almost black eyes. Though rotund, he looked extremely fit.
`If you're after Petro, he'll be in later. He went out with the night patrol,' Fusculus announced. `He's convinced there will be another gigantic raid. Martinus is on duty. He's gone back to the Emporium to check on some things.'
`I can wait.' Fusculus grinned slightly. Most people didn't bother with Martinus. `So what's on, Fusculus?'
`Seems pretty quiet. The day patrol is out looking into a possible theft from the Temple of Ceres. We've got scratchers doing statues at the Library of Asinius '
'Scratchers?'
`Lifting off the gilding. Then a tanner's allegedly poisoning the air by the Aqua Marcia. Normally it's poisoning the water… Anyway, we can get him for noxious smells and shift his workshop to the Transtiberina, but somebody's got to go there and actually sniff the air while he's working. Street fight by the Trigeminal Gate – be over by the time the lads can get down the Clivus Publicus. Three apparently responsible citizens have laid separate reports of seeing a wolf by the Temple of Luna.'
`Probably a large cat,' I suggested.
`On the usual form it will turn out to be a small, timid tabby!' chortled Fusculus. `Escaped bears and panthers we pass straight on to the Urban Cohorts – well, at least those bastards are armed. And we let them catch senators' sons pet crocodiles that have escaped from the rainwater tank. But a 'wolf' we usually have a look at. Just in case it's suckling heroic twins, you know.'
`Oh, you'd want to be in on the action then!'
`Right! More boringly, we have an abandoned dead horse in the Cattle Market forum which will have to be cleared with fire-breaking tackle. Meanwhile we've got a bunch of runaway slaves in the lockup waiting for owners to collect them. There are also two careless householders for me to interview. They were picked up by the fire- watchers last night for allowing fires or smoke in their premises. The first-timer will be let off with a warning; another has been dragged in before, so he has to prove it was an accident or he'll be thrashed.'
`Who does that?'
`Sergius!' said Fusculus gleefully. I had met Sergius. He enjoyed his work. `Then we've a third would be arsonist in the cell who is definitely on his way.'
`On his way?'
`To the Prefect. He's a stupid sod of a jeweller who constantly leaves unattended lamps swinging in the breeze in his colonnade.' `So what'll he get?'
`A hefty fine. I'm taking him over to headquarters to be processed. Maybe you'd better come with me. Rubella wants a welcoming word.' Rubella was the Fourth's tribune.
I grinned. `Am I going to enjoy this?'
`What do you think?' twinkled Fusculus. As he collected his cudgel, the arsonist and some official notes about the prisoner's misdemeanours, he continued filling me in. Obviously he was a thoughtful type, and one who enjoyed lecturing. `Apart from all that, it's work as normal – which means not doing it because of more urgent priorities. We have an ongoing investigation of a secret religion that will have to be delayed again because of the new task, as will our long-term granary fire-protection. programme, our anti-toga-theft campaign at the baths, and keeping up the lists of undesirables.'
`What undesirables are these?' I asked, curious about what kind of degenerate earned a formal state record.
Fusculus looked rather shy. `Oh well, you know we have to assist the aediles with their registers. Bars and brothels.'
`Somehow, Fusculus, I don't think bars and brothels were what you meant!'
`Mathematicians and astrologers,' he confessed. I looked faintly surprised. `Anyone who leans towards the occult or magic has a question mark over them in the public-order stakes. Philosophers especially.'
`Oh, flagrantly seditious!'
`So I'm told. I'm not saying we believe the principle, Falco, but we like to be ready in case the Emperor demands a purge. Under Nero it was Christians. That's eased off lately, so we can go back to actors.'
`Disgusting degenerates!' I did not reveal that I had just spent three months working with a theatrical troupe. `Who else?'
`Greek shopkeepers.'
`Now that's a new one. What's wrong with them?'
`They keep their booths open night and day. It's reckoned unfair on the locals. That can lead to trouble, so we keep lists to tell us quickly who to lock up when a row flares and dung starts being hurled about.'
Somehow I didn't suppose he kept matching details of the local businessmen who complained.
`I'm sure it's a relief to all honest citizens to know you stay vigilant!' Sarcasm was breaking through as I sensed there was more. `And is there anybody else who threatens public order so badly you keep them under surveillance and maintain their names on secret lists?'
