Finally John noticed his brother as well, he tried to hide his nakedness, but to no avail. What we had done only moments earlier, was a fact. Tim was all red on his young face, then instantly he turned around and left the bathroom, leaving me with my hart beating like it wanted to leave my body.
We quickly washed off and dried ourselves, not a word exchange until we were clothed, me only having a robe on which had gotten somewhat wet from my still water soaked body. Then John broke the silence…
'Ma, what should we do… I…I…he saw us…', he was nervous, almost shaking, looking both afraid and expectantly at me, and I knew it was me who should deal with it.
'I…I really don't know…I… I'll take care of it… just…do whatever you have to…go to your room or do anything…'
With that I rushed out, to 'take care of it', but how? Tell my son that what he had seen wasn't true, that it was an accident… what should I tell him…but most of all there was the question how it was possible that he had entered the bathroom when the door was locked? I allways took that precation…never leaving anything to chance…
'Tim?', I knocked on his door, but there was no answer, so I entered. He was looking out his window, not paying any attention to me.
'Tim…' I waited for him to give a signal, to tell me he knew of my presence and wanted to talk or listen to me, but there was no such signal, he just kept staring out his window.
I got closer to him, putting my hand friendly on his shoulder. I didn't know how to tell him, how to start…but I had to say something…
'…what you…saw today, was…was never meant to be seen by you, by anyone. I have taught both you and John that there shouldn't be any secrets or things hidden from the other members of the family…however…this is one thing I never wanted you to see…'
I waited to see how he would react, but he showed no sign of reaction…I figured since he didn't want to talk and wanted to be stubborn, maybe I should do it the hard way…
'…I have also taught you about privacy…now tell me, why did you unlock that door…and don't tell me you didn't because I know it was locked…and I have taught you it's a bad thing not to respect privacy, and it's a bad thing not to knock before entering someones room…especially the bathroom'
Finally he turned around, his eyes meeting mine, ogling me. I had never before in my life felt such a shame and guilt as his young and innocent eyes met mine, looking hurt and somewhat betrayed.
'It was because I wanted to know. I wanted to see if it was true…true that you were…that you were doing it with John.'
His face turned red, showing the blushing as he said that.
'But I never expected it to be true…'
Now, once again I felt the devastating feelings overflow my body, hopelessness, disgrace and pain.
'…it is…and I can't deny it…what…what you saw…is true…but I am ashamed of it, I don't know what to say to you…or what to do…I never wanted you to see me this way… Ohh Tim…why did you have to open that door…'
I could feel the tears fill my eyes…why…why did he have to see me…I had taken precations…I had done everything in my power to keep it a secret…why?
'Tell me…why?!'
'Do you really want to know? Do you? It was because I wanted to see with my own eyes if it was true or not… ever since the time of you birthday when we went swimming there has been something wrong. I saw you and John…but I was too far away swimming…and I never thought you had really done it with him. After that, something felt wrong. You didn't talk to me anymore, you just kept yourself away from me, not wanting me to be around.'
I felt a burning pain as he reflected on that. I knew I was not only guilty for the mere act I had been discovered doing with his brother, but I was guilty for neglecting my duties toward Tim. It was true. Sometimes it felt like I just didn't want to have him around me any more. I just wanted to be together with John all the time, avoiding Tim. Now when he said those words, it felt like I more or less had wanted Tim never to exist. My tears started running down my cheek as I no longer could control the burden.
He saw the tears, but went on…
'Then, 1 week ago, I went to the bathroom at night. I heard some strange sounds coming from your bedroom… it was you and John's voices…moaning…these sounds came in the morning too, and John never returned to his bed. In fact he hasn't slept in it a single night since I heard the sounds the first time…and your bedroom door was allways locked. Then sometimes you would lock yourselves up in the bathroom several times a day, sometimes the shower was on, sometimes not…now…I don't know much about these things…but I wanted to see if what I… suspected was true…'
His eyes met mine, looking at me questioningly and demanding.
'Now I know it's true…'
I sat down on his bed, feeling destroyed, finished, tears running down my cheeks uncotrolably, soaking my face which I covered with my hands, giving up, my sobbing the only sound in the room except the constant buzzing of the fan.
After what seemed an eternity, I felt him beside me on the bed. Then his arm came protectivly around me.
'…I…I'm so sorry Tim…I…what will you…think of me…from now on…you'll hate me for seeing me do it…do it with your brother… ohh Timmie…I'm so sorry…'…my sobbing went on as a new torrent of tears flooded my face.
He pressed me close to him, finally I let go, I needed a shoulder to cry on…and it was here for me…
'…I'll never hate you mom…I could never do such a thing…'
Then I was in his arms, and he in mine. Mother and son consoling eachother.
I had calmed myself. We were still in Tim's bed, his arm still around my shoulders, pressing me against him. I still had my head on his shoulder, but when parting a little from him, I saw the tent in his pants, he was hard. Then I realised that my robe had parted somewhat in the front, and in the position we had been in, he had a full view of my naked breasts.
I moved away from him, closing the robe around me, but his arm was still around me, pressing me close to him. Then his other hand moved down to the front of my robe and opened it, just like before. I was surprised by the sudden act of his, but got even more surprised when I felt his hand move on my naked skin, only to finally grab my swollen breast in his hand, squeezing it gently as he continued looking down my cleavage.
'Tim, what do you think you are doing?', with that I grabbed his hand and pulled it up from under my robe, trying to break free. But he held me too tight.
'No, wait…' once again his hand started it's voyage down my cleavage, parting my robe so that my breasts hang loose, fully exposed, only to be grabbed by his hand.
'I love you mom…I love you so much that I could die for you…'
Once again I took his hand away, looking him in his eyes.
'Please don't…' I heard myself saying.
'Why…can't you see…ever since we were at the lake and I saw you…naked…I've had these thoughts…I've dreamt…each night, thinking of you…but I never thought you would want me…but now…when I saw what you and John were…'
'Tim, this doesn't change anything between us. What happened between me and John is a separate thing. Don't even think that what you dream of would come true. It's bad.'
'Why mom?'
His hand went back to my breast, this time I took it away and held it in a steady grip. Suddenly I felt his lips around my nipple, sucking at my breast, nursing me like he had done so long ago. I let go of his hand and tried to pull his head away, but his hands were around my back pressing me tight to him…
'Please Tim. Don't do this…please stop…'
But he didn't, and I gave up, feeling the tears filling my eyes. After several moments I felt his body pressing me down in bed, and I knew what it was all about, I knew what he wanted to do. His hands worked febrile on my robe, finally parting it fully, then his hands went down to his pants, working on his belt…
'No Tim! Don't do this…stop…don't do this to yourself…don't do this to me…please Tim…stop right now before it's too late'
He didn't listen to me. Somehow I managed to get him off my upper body, only to find myself covered with his
