body, pressed down against the bed again.
'I wan't you mom…I need you…'
'No Tim…don't…stop…let go of me…', my voice trying to make him obey me…my hands pushing his shoulders away trying to part him from me, trying to stop the horrible act which was about to come…
'Why mom? You did it with John…why won't you do it with me?'
I heared his angry voice close to my ear as his body pressed down on me…
'No Tim…it's not the right thing…you're my son…it's bad…'
'So is John…and if you've done it with him…I saw you…I even saw you take his thing inside your mouth, I even saw him shoot his stough in your mouth…if he can do it, then why can't I?'
With that, his jeans were free and he lowered them a few inches.
Once again I tried to break free, but I didn't succeed, it felt like all powers I had, had left me when Tim had found me in the bathroom with John.
As his pants was pulled down, I felt his manhood spring free as it hit my belly, the same belly which he and John had once been inside, and in which John's and my child now was growing. I surrendered, feeling the shame and guilt overflow me, as the tears ran down my cheeks to my ears, into my wet hair.
Yes, it was true what he had seen, it was true that John was not only his brother but my son as well, but did that justify the act Tim was trying to perform on me. What did this make out of me? A monster?
I felt his penis tickle the entrance to my slit, then he pushed, missing my hole, once again pushing, failing, then with one plunge he entered me, the depravity fulfilled, the penetration a fact. A pain striking my body as he reached as deep as his young erection could go, but the pain wasn't physical, it was mental. I felt that all I had done these years for my sons, my love, affection and all tenderness was gone. Tim would come to hate me, he wouldn't want me to be his mother, but a sex object. He would come to hate his brother… all the love that had been between us would die, just because I had had a weak moment on my 36:th birthday…a day I would never forget.
I was on my back in bed, Tim's limp body covering mine, his warmth spreading to me, his panting mouth close to my ear. It was done, we had reached the point of no return. I had let my own son, so fragile and innocent take me, do me like he had dreamed. I had read boys fantisized about making love with their mothers, I knew that John and I had fallen for the temptation. But there was no intention of mine that I would let little Timmie do it…but now it was a fact, as clear as the virginal and incestous sperm I had in my belly. My son's forbidden seed. The seed which was supposed to be available for any woman, except me. But now it was inside me, it's way blocked by his semi-erect penis which he still had plugged inside my flesh. He would remember me forever, as the first woman he had been inside…his very own mother…something he could never tell a sole…
'I love you mom, I love you so much…'
'No Tim, don't say that…don't say that…' I whispered in his ear…
He emptied himself once more after that, this time it wasn't as febrile as the first time. He was ready in moments after his first time, just like John was, like any young boy. But there was no pleasure for me to gain, I could have let myself go, float along, to share the wonderful moments he was having, but I didn't want to, I couldn't allow myself to do that…
I was caressing his beautiful hair as he still lay ontop of me, his member still inside my sperm soaked cave. I could hear his calm breathing in my ear as he dozed off in the aftermath of his orgasm.
Was this it? The end of the past? Would he ever love me the way he did before? Would he think of me as his mother, or would he treat me like a nobody…one thing scared me. He didn't love me the way John did, he had seen me with his brother and wanted the same as well. He didn't se me as a lover, a true lover, but a…a bad woman…a whore…
It was the first time Tim hadn't listened to what I told him. I had asked him, begged him not to do it, but his urge was too great. It was the first time I had been taken against my will. No, this wasn't a rape, one shouldn't think of it that way. It had been different with John the first time. I had wanted him, needed a man, and he was the only one who loved me so much. I guess it could never had been Tim. He loved me as much as John, but I didn't see the man in him that I saw in John, the man I needed so bad. I saw a child, innocent and afraid, naive and too sensitive. He had been obsessed by me when we had taken that stupid bath in the lake. Now when he found out about my relationship with John, he wanted it too. He wanted me as well. What scared me was that he didn't even listen to me, he crossed my will. On the other hand I knew that what he had done, would never had happened if he hadn't found me with John in that dreadful moment. When seeing what John was doing he wanted it as well, he was after all young and unexperienced…he thought that if John could do it, then it was allowed for him too…I knew, that if I would have been able to stop the process, then he would have hated me forever and he would hate his brother…I don't know how he would react now… after he had gotten his will thru…
But what did it matter any more…what was right or wrong… it was done, and there was no return… no way to change history…
On the other hand I didn't want to become something my two sons could use whenever they wanted. I still had my pride, I didn't want to be a hole in which they would put their penises and relieve themselves inside…I didn't want to be…a whore…even though it felt like I was one at this very moment…
Tim had moved so he was beside me, his limp penis hanging on my naked thigh, still coated with our mingled juices. He was sleeping by my side, embracing me, his breathing sounding calm and satisfied…the warmth tickling my nipple.
Gently, not disturbing his sleep, I got up from the bed, wrapping the robe around me. I was exhausted. When walking to my bedroom, I could feel some of the semen Tim had deposited inside me trickle down my leg as it gushed out of my vagina from the friction and pressure from the sudden movements. Again I was reminded of what had happened only moments ago.
I finally found John in the old barn. He was taking care of Blackie his horse…
'John.'
He turned around instantly then ran up to meet me, embracing me, seeking some sort of confort.
'Oh mom…what do you think will happen…do you think he will tell?'
I parted myself from him, looking him in the eyes…
'No, he won't…even though I wish he would…'
'How can you say something like that…what about us? What about our child?'
'Ohh John…I don't know…I don't know if you want me anymore…or the child…I'm so confused…'
'What do you mean mom?'
Finally I couldn't hold it any longer, my tears flooding my cheeks as I let my head fall, looking straight into the ground.
'John..Oh John…the reason…why he wont tell…is because he's a part of it now…'
'How?', I could feel the sound of fear in his voice, like he knew what would come next and what I was about to say…
'He did me…I had to let him do it…otherwise, I don't know what he would do…I was afraid John…'
'WHAT?!, you did what?'
'I couldn't help it John…please believe me when I say I didn't want it to happen…but Tim wouldn't listen to me…he wouldn't tell anybody…he just wanted one thing, me…'
'How could you ma?! How could you do it?'
'Please John…try to…'
'…understand?', he interrupted, 'Understand what? I loved you mom! How could you do this to me…I thought you loved me. All the talk about me being your man, about being lovers…hell, you're even pregnant with me and you…you…fuck Tim right in front of my nose…'
I could see the tears forming in my son's eyes…it wasn't until now I realised the extent of the damage I had done…I wanted to hug him to confort him, but my effort was rewarded with a push.
'I'll kill him!', he said…starting for the house, but I jumped in his way.
'No John…stop right now…it wasn't Tim's fault…I let it happen…it was my fault…'
'You're just saying that to protect the ashole!'
'No John…No, please listen to me…he was jealous of you… he has known for a long time what we were doing…'
'But how could you let him do it?', John almost yelled at me…
'Please…listen to me John…try to understand…if I wouldn't have let him…then I don't know what crazyness he
