go away, leave the whole thing to Jonathan, and try for work somewhere else in America, although she had no idea what kind of work it would be.
Immediately after breakfast she began packing, certain that Jonathan, exhausted, would not be out of bed before noon. She wanted to be packed and on her way before then, so as to avoid arguing with him. But she was interrupted after half an hour by a loud knock on the door. She sighed. If it was Jonathan, she might as well face him and be done with it, but she dreaded his anger.
'Come in!' she called listlessly.
Dr. Ciardi entered, closed the door behind him, started to speak, and then stopped as he saw the suitcases on the bed. He raised one of his thick, black eyebrows at her.
'What's this? A vacation already?'
'I'm leaving for good,' said Jennifer, turning away to avoid his questioning gaze.
'But why? I thought you were enthusiastic about managing the place?'
'I was,' she admitted. 'But that was before I knew the kind of place it is. Or, rather, the kind of people who come here.'
'Aha,' said Ciardi. 'I think I begin to understand.' He came and sat on the edge of the bed while Jennifer nervously paced the rug, wishing he'd leave and let her finish her packing. 'Now, tell me all about it,' he continued. 'Just what is it that bothers you about the guests?'
'Doctor,' Jennifer said shortly. 'It's very kind of you to take an interest, but there's really no point in discussing it. My mind is made up. I'm leaving, and I want to leave right away. So, if you'll excuse me…'
'Hold on,' he muttered. 'Hold on! I want to be sure you're making the right decision. It's a shame to give up this fine old hotel and leave it all to that playboy brother of yours. Why do you find the guests unbearable? Oh… not that I don't find them unbearable a lot of the time – but I want your reasons.'
'Very well.' Jennifer decided to satisfy his curiosity quickly, then send hint away. 'I suppose I'd have to say it's their morality, or their lack of it. They seem to be a bunch of sex fiends, that's all they ever think about or do. I can't work with such people.'
'Sex fiends?' Ciardi smiled. 'Certainly there's a lot of hanky-panky going on, but it strikes me as harmless fun.'
Jennifer reddened indignantly. 'Harmless? Fun? I see that you're no different from them!'
Still he smiled. 'Miss James, what makes you so uptight about sex?'
'Please leave,' she said icily. 'I see no point in continuing this talk.'
'No, I want to get to the bottom of this. You fascinate me. First you come to my office to complain that you're horny all the time, that you can't get laid often enough, and now you're bitching because the guests, in your opinion, are preoccupied with sex. You'll excuse me if I'm puzzled. But perhaps you can explain?'
Jennifer burst into tears. His words were crude but accurate. She had contradicted herself, had been a terrible hypocrite. 'Oh, Doctor,' she sobbed. 'I feel so confused!'
'So do I,' he answered. 'But let's work on it now. Let's try to solve your problem. Come here.' He extended a hand and drew her over to sit beside him on the bed, putting his arm around her shoulder in a paternal manner. 'To begin with, Miss James, I repeat what I said in my office – there is nothing abnormal about your libido. A woman your age ought to have a strong desire for frequent sex. The question is, having this desire, why can't you enjoy it?'
Jennifer blushed horribly but forced herself to answer him. He was offering help, and, God knows, she needed it! She said haltingly, 'I really don't know why, Doctor, but I just can't be easy about it, especially afterwards. I feel so guilty, so soiled! But even when I – when I'm doing it, I feel it's dirty and wicked.'
'I see. Excuse me for making like Freud, but please tell me about your childhood. Who raised you, and how?'
Briefly Jennifer told him about her aunt and her strict principles, including her lectures on the evils of men and sex. Ciardi shuddered.
'My God,' he said when she had finished. 'With an upbringing like that, all that stupid, puritanical indoctrination, it's a wonder you even lost your virginity! But, really, don't you see now how wrong all those ideas are? Don't you see that – if you'll pardon the vernacular – she was full of shit?'
Jennifer couldn't help smiling. 'Yes, I see that pretty clearly. I could hardly have summed it up better, although I wouldn't have used your words. But even so, I can't seem to change my feelings. How can that be? How can I know my aunt was wrong, yet still feel that she was right?'
'Oh, that's no puzzle,' sighed Ciardi. 'You can't change overnight, that's all. You lived with the woman for twenty years, and you can't just hop a plane, fly to America, and lose your hang ups over the Atlantic. It will take time for you to stop feeling guilty about sex. But you can do it. I can suggest a way.'
'Oh, would you?' Jennifer gave him a tearful smile. 'I'd so much appreciate your help, Doctor! I don't know where to begin, myself.'
He smiled back. 'Begin by calling me Charles, and I'll call you Jennifer, all right?' She nodded, and he went on, 'Now, the thing to do is take it one step at a time. Don't try to change everything at once. You must learn, bit by bit, that there is nothing wrong with sex. It is pleasant, it is fun, you have every right to enjoy it – and you must learn to think that way in every phase of it. Allow me to make a small demonstration.' He took her chin in his hand, and tilted her face up to his. 'I'm going to kiss you. Don't be frightened, this is just a lesson. I want you to forget everything except two things – that you're being kissed, and that it's pleasant. Will you please try it?'
Jennifer swallowed hard. 'All right.' His method sounded sensible to her, but she wasn't at all certain that she could think as he suggested. She sat meek and submissive, but her palms were cold and sweaty.
Ciardi's lips met softly with hers, and she made a sincere effort to feel the way she had been instructed. I am being kissed, she thought, and it's pleasant. She repeated the thought over and over. It began to work. She was aware of his good masculine scents, the comforting expanse of his broad chest, the warmth of his big hands on her back, and most of all, his gentle but firm, smooth lips pressing ever closer, fill his mouth was tenderly opening her mouth and she felt the silky tip of his tongue on the tip of hers. A strange, dizzy wave of warmth swept over her, and she sighed and relaxed against his shoulder and let him slip his tongue all the way into her mouth. He held it that way, stuffing and possessing her mouth, though not aggressively, and she felt the strange, warm wave again. She realized now that the wave began in an excited tightness in her cunt, but she refused to be ashamed. Ciardi was right – kissing was simply pleasant and fun, and nothing to feel bad about.
His tongue retreated, and he drew away and smiled at her. 'Well? What did you feel?'
She blushed slightly but answered, 'You were right. I tried it the way you said, and it was pleasant.'
'Good. Now close your eyes and go on thinking the same way.'
She obeyed, and he began to fondle her, working his big hands intimately but gently over her face, neck, shoulders, hips, legs, and finally her breasts, kissing her as he did so. She puffed and sighed and lay limp against him. It was pleasant, really, just as he'd said. She wished he wouldn't stop. But after a few minutes, she felt him easing her down on the bed, lying beside her, and unbuttoning her blouse.
'Doctor…' she began, suddenly alarmed, trying to sit up. 'I don't think…'
'Now, Jennifer,' he said soothingly. 'Don't stop now, just when you were doing so well! Think! Is it really so different, kissing your lips and kissing your breasts? They're both parts of your body, both legitimate sources of pleasure. Don't make false distinctions, false barriers. This should feel just as nice, just as good and right, as what I did before. Please, now, lie back and relax and think as I told you.'
'I don't know…' she protested, but she allowed her body to sink back onto the bed, trusting his experience and knowledge. She shivered a little as he drew her blouse open, and she felt rather embarrassed at not having on a bra, though she hated the uncomfortable things. But he made no comment. His smooth hands cupped the two, pretty, white globes, enjoyed their soft warmth, and thumbed the bumpy, pink nipples. She shivered again as she felt his hot, wet tongue on her left nipple, flicking, lashing, circling. Concentrate, she ordered herself, just feel what he's doing! She sighed. It was true, the breasts were definitely an erogenous zone, communicating their excitement straight to her damp, aroused pussy. Yes, this, too, was pleasant. He worked over the right nipple now, circling it wetly with his tongue.
'God, you're reacting just fine! I'm going to suck your nipples now, didn't be afraid,' he whispered.
Far from being frightened, Jennifer moaned delightedly he sucked one nipple into the fierce, wet heat of his mouth, tongue and lips busy on the bumpy flesh. She felt an almost painful but exciting stiffening in both her nipples as he sucked them erect and aroused. Her cunt creamed and her breathing became heavy. As when he
