wouldn't do the whole stretch, only two thirds of it, and with his time on remand it wouldn't even be that long. He would be out in less than three if he didn't play up or, more to the point, have a tear-up with someone in there and add to his sentence. But it still hurt her deeply; she hated that her child was locked away from society, locked away from her. Whatever the courts might think about him, he was still her boy, her flesh and blood. He would always be her baby. That was the cross that women had to bear; no matter what your children did, they were still your children, and you loved them no matter what.
Unlike her husband, who had gone to the pub as usual, who saw his son's prison sentence as an occupational hazard, Veronica felt Declan's loss deeply. But for all that, she also knew she had to carry on as usual; they were a family, and as a family they were stronger. As a family they would cope with Declan's absence, and ensure that he was well looked after. Phillip would see to that. He was the main earner and the one they turned to for guidance. It was what he did, looked out for each of them one way or another and, in all fairness, he did it very well.
Chapter Twenty-Five
'Come on, Chris, get a move on. Me mother will be panicking. You know how she loves the Friday night dinners, how she depends on the boys coming round. Now more than any other time.'
Phillip was trying to act as if nothing had really changed, as if everything was normal. Christine watched him as he changed his shirt, and combed his hair. She knew he wouldn't let his real feelings show, he would see that as a weakness. He was holding it together for all their sakes. Especially hers. He still had the power to make her want him more than anything or anyone in her life. Except for her boys, though even then she wouldn't want that to be put to the test. But she couldn't escape the fact that Breda and her words had depressed her, frightened her. There was a naked truth to them that couldn't be denied.
'I don't really feel like it tonight, Phil. The boys are tired, and your mum must be devastated about Declan. I think we should give it a miss.'
She saw Phillip smile, but the smile had no real warmth to it. She had encountered this smile before, every time that she had gone up against him. Not that she had done so often, there had never really been any need to. But the few times she had that smile had told her that he was humouring her until she backed off and did exactly what he expected of her.
'My mum will need us there tonight, Chris. Think about it – she's just lost one of her sons, she'll want her family around her tonight more than ever. The kids will take her mind off her loss. She adores them.' He stared at her for long moments before saying quietly, 'I need my family around me as well, I've lost me closest friend, as well as me brother.'
He sounded so sincere, and looked so inoffensive and surprised at her demeanour and her refusal to accompany him to his mother's house, that she knew anyone witnessing this exchange would not think he was being at all unreasonable. And he wasn't, not really. He had every right to expect her to go along to his poor mother's with him. So why did she feel she was being coerced into going? Because she knew, deep down inside, that if she didn't do as he wanted, he would not let it rest. She was expected to do as he wanted; refusal wasn't an option. She knew that somehow he would make sure she accompanied him to his mother's house. She could see the confusion on his face, his shock that she might even contemplate defying him, and she knew she was already beaten.
'You're right, Phil. What was I thinking? You've lost Declan.'
She saw him physically relax and, realising that he was under immense pressure because of his brother's prison sentence, she felt ashamed at her actions. Breda had once more made her doubt her husband's loyalty. Breda might think she was a fool, but Christine knew she needed this man and all that he stood for. He had given her his name and his children. What more could she ask of him?
'Me mum is the one I'm worried about, she'll be bereft. It was a gutter, but we can't change it, we just have to swallow our knobs, and get on with it.'
That would be his last word on the matter. Like her, he felt the less said at times the better.
'Come on, Christine love, chop chop. We ain't got all night.'
Phillip was laughing as he hurried her along, but she could still feel a slight atmosphere between them. It always appeared when she questioned their lives, when she felt the uncertainty of their future. She knew he saw it as a reflection on him, on his ability to take care of his family. And she hated herself for doubting him. But it was at times like this, when real life forced its way into their home, that she sensed just how precarious their life and all it entailed really was.
Ten minutes later, as they were settling the boys into the back of the Land Rover, Phillip grabbed her around the waist and pulled her into his arms. She felt his tongue forcing its way into her mouth, and she accepted the kiss willingly. He held her tightly to him, whispering into her hair, 'I feel bad enough as it is, Chris, me mum's fucking destroyed with it, don't you make me feel worse. I'll sort this, darling, I'll sort this before you know it.'
Her heart went out to him. She could hear the desolation in his voice, knew then that he was feeling the loss of his brother far more than he was letting on. She was thrilled that he was willing to show that to her, and her alone. He would never let anyone else see how he was really feeling. She wished Breda could see this side of him, could understand that this was why she didn't need to listen to gossip or know too much about what went on in her husband's life. She was just glad that it wasn't her Phillip doing seven years, she would rather it was anyone but him. Now they had to go and face poor Veronica, and that was going to be very hard for Phillip to bear. He felt responsible; they all worked for him in one way or another. He kept each of them financially, even his father was on the payroll now.
She saw little Philly watching his parents closely; his handsome face seemed to understand exactly what was going on around him and, for a split second, the fear gripped her once more. It was as if he had inherited his father's ability to look inside her head and pick out her thoughts. Breda always made her feel like this too, with her friendly warnings, and her insistence that Christine should know more than was good for her always left her nerves in tatters. She knew that she had to be strong for Phillip now, knew that he needed her. Anyway, what was a few years in the grand scheme of things? Declan would be out and about before they knew it. Phillip had done everything he could to help him, and he would have to look out for them all on his own now Declan was banged up. He needed her to be strong for him. She was determined not to let him down.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Eileen Booth sat at the table and watched her daughter warily. She knew that having slammed the phone down on her earlier in the day, Christine might well decide to continue the argument in front of her in-laws.
It was the first time Eileen Booth had ever felt nervous of her daughter, in fact she couldn't remember ever feeling this nervous about anything in her life before. She was determined to make her peace with Christine, she was not about to let anything ruin the life she had become so fond of.
Eileen felt almost ashamed at how grateful Veronica had been at her coming round. Veronica had been touched because she had truly believed Eileen was coming over to show her support at this awful time when, in reality, she had not even thought about how Declan's going away might affect anyone other than herself. She was only there because her daughter had finally had enough of her, and she was desperate to try and build some kind of bridge between them in case she and Ted were cut out entirely from the Murphys' orbit. Even Phillip seemed to think she was here to show her solidarity, and that told her that Christine had kept their argument to herself. She was unsure what she was supposed to say, but she was not going to leave until her daughter was once more back onside. Ted might not feel the need to be here, but she did; someone had to look out for their future earnings.
Other than James, who had wolfed down his dinner as usual, the food Veronica had prepared had pretty much gone uneaten. It sat on the plates, gradually drying out as they all discussed the day's events. Phillip was putting a good spin on it, and no one was brave or foolish enough to contradict him. Breda was keeping a low profile tonight, and Veronica Murphy was secretly glad about that much anyway. She wasn't sure she could have coped
