“When we make love?”
She nodded.
“Balam is like a shadow when we are in human form. You would not be embarrassed with thoughts in your head,” he said, guessing her dilemma.
Since he put it that way, she guessed it wouldn’t be the same, but there was still a lingering feeling that she was in the middle of a ménage à trios.
“He wants to meet you.”
Her head jerked up. “Meet me?”
“Yes.”
“Me? In the same room with a jaguar. I mean, you said you both had distinct personalities. What if he decides to eat me?”
“He won’t.”
“You’re sure.”
“I’m almost positive.”
She leaned back, crossing her arms in front of her. “Almost is not the same as positive.”
“I trust him.” He sighed. “I thought you wanted to work with the big cats?”
She jumped up, and walked to the window. “I do, but my training taught me that even if you love something, even if it’s a beautiful animal, that doesn’t mean it isn’t dangerous.” She turned from the window and met his gaze. “Leaning on the side of caution is always a wise choice.”
But how many times had she yearned to reach out and pet Sheba. There was something about the cat that made her want to get closer. It could be her Symtarian side that felt such an affinity for all animals.
And then again, maybe she should just stay in the petting zoo. The animals there were harmless, and she could cuddle most of them.
“Another time then,” Rogar said, breaking into her thoughts.
She didn’t want to tell him by the time their relationship got to that point, it would probably be time for him to leave, and it wouldn’t matter anymore. But she didn’t want to think about that. It hurt too much.
So, she squared her shoulders and faced him. “How do I find my guide? You said there were ceremonies?”
He reached in his pocket and brought out his database. “Let me see what I can find out about them.”
She sat down again, watching as he typed in letters. She’d come to the realization his database was just like a minicomputer, and stored just about as much information, except she was positive Rogar would tell her that his system was better.
“Here it is.”
She watched the different expressions on his face. When he finally looked up, she was almost certain she didn’t want to go through any changing ceremony.
Chapter 21
“I’m telling you the truth. That is what the database says to do,” Rogar told Callie, then handed the device to her so she could read for herself.
Callie didn’t believe him for a second. She jerked the database from him, and quickly read what was on the screen. Okay, so maybe he had been telling the truth, but was the information accurate? “Is this on the level?”
“I promise. The database wouldn’t have false information.”
Her eyes narrowed. His expression was bland. Were his eyes twinkling? She couldn’t be sure. But if it really did work, wouldn’t it be worth trying? It might just save her life. “And you’re sure this will work?”
“No.”
“I’m supposed to get naked during a full moon, outside, and chant these words while you smear a concoction of questionable ingredients over my body, and you’re not even sure it will work?”
“The old leaders must have participated in the rituals or it wouldn’t be in the database.”
“Were the leaders men?”
“It’s a very solemn occasion.”
“Unless I get arrested, and believe me, these people here would like nothing better than to see me carted off to jail.” Now she knew his eyes were twinkling. “It’s not funny.”
He quickly sobered. “Of course not.”
She marched over to the desk that was inset next to the cabinets, and opened a drawer. Callie couldn’t believe she was even considering this. She rifled through the loose papers until she found a calendar, then flipped the pages, looking for the next full moon.
She put the calendar back, and shut the drawer. “The full moon isn’t until next week. I’ll just have to try to connect before then.”
Aww, she had so wanted to go through with the ceremony—not! Tropical scented lotion rubbed on her skin, sure. But what the hell was a mangus root? Did she even want to know? It sounded nasty. If she didn’t make the connection, she still might have to go through the ceremony, though. Eww…
She squared her shoulders. “What do I need to do, other than a ceremony, to connect with my animal guide?”
“There is something else we can try.” He stood, took her hands, and led her to the middle of the living room. “Sit.” He motioned to the floor.
She did as he said, crossing her legs in front of her. He did the same, only a few inches separating them.
“Now, close your eyes.”
She closed them.
“Empty your mind.”
She rolled her shoulders, then let her mind empty. She wouldn’t think of anything. Not one thing. She wouldn’t even think about not thinking about anything. She would just let her mind empty.
She inhaled, then exhaled.
The cabin was kind of musty smelling. She should open some windows and let it air out. Maybe light some candles. DeeDee’s mom always had candles on hand. She was afraid there would be a power outage, and she’d be caught in the dark.
Mrs. Jackson always bought those soy candles. Callie loved them because the scent seemed to last longer, as well as the candle. She would have to ask DeeDee where her mother had bought the ones she used.
If they didn’t cost too much, that is. Mrs. Jackson had really expensive tastes. And why not, she and her husband made oodles of money. If Callie had that much money, she would splurge on expensive candles, and clothes, lots of bling-bling, and nice vacations.
Ahh, vacations. It would be nice to take one.
DeeDee’s parents were probably excited their daughter was joining them. Colorado must be nice in the fall. DeeDee once told her the water was clear and unpolluted, and you could see sparkles of gold.
“I don’t think you’ve emptied your mind,” Rogar said.
She jumped and opened her eyes. Guilty as charged. It wasn’t as easy as he’d made it sound. “How can I empty my mind if you keep talking?
“You have to concentrate on breathing, and let everything else go. When you are able to do that, you’ll find your animal guide.”
“Okay. Okay.” She closed her eyes. She really wanted to find her guide. She vaguely remembered the voice from so long ago. When she had felt lonely and unloved, the voice would soothe away her fears.
What would her guide be? Not a bunny or rhino. No, more like an exotic horse. Yes. She liked that idea. A horse. She’d always wanted a pony. She’d gone on a field trip once and they let her pet a pony. The pony had been gray, with faded white spots on her butt. There had been lots of other horses there, too. She remembered it as though it was yesterday.
