‘Well, you know, once you’ve been to every fancy restaurant there is in town and you’ve eaten your fill of seared carpaccio, pan-seared venison and sweet duck cooked with plums and star anise, it’s nice to stay in and have simple steak and salad. I’m not suggesting a burger. I mean something classy and straightforward.’
‘Like?’
‘Like marriage.’
‘Marriage!?’
‘Yeah, you could do it all properly, meet a girl, like her,
He might have been joking, but I thought about it and he was right. It would be true to say that I’ve never shagged a bride before; least not one married to me. I’m going to enjoy doing things properly with Fern. She’s different. A hotty (although not as hot as many I’ve had). She’s quite normal (but not so normal as to bore me, as many have). I don’t quite understand it yet but she has something really special going on. Or rather, we have something really special going on between us.
Mark has all the best ideas.
42. Fern
‘If you want to go anywhere let me know and I’ll get Saadi to introduce you to our stateside driver, Barry. He’ll take good care of you. He’s a pro. You could go shopping; Saadi’s arranged for you to have access to all of my accounts and I pretty much have an account anywhere you might imagine,’ says Scott.
I know he’s trying to change the subject. I allow him. Let’s face it, offering me a chauffeur-driven trip to designer stores with unlimited credit is quite an impressive diversionary tactic. Normally, I’d have to settle for Adam suggesting we change channels.
‘Yeah, Saadi already gave me a list,’ I say with a big smile. ‘How did she organize all of this in such a short time? It’s unbelievable.’
‘I know. Hats off to her – she is an
Scott drops his sunhat over his eyes and we both fall silent. He reaches for my hand and we hold on to one another across the loungers. His touch sends shock waves ricocheting through my body. I fight the instinct to leap on him. Damn this no sex plan! I try to dampen my lust by watching the old Mexican gardener as he endlessly clears the leaves from the pool. No sooner does he scoop a net of bamboo leaves than the same amount fall back into the water. It looks a pretty thankless task but not too arduous; the repetitive action calms me. Bebop jazz
‘What’s up? Were you stung?’ I look around for the offending wasp.
‘No. The thing is I find it hard to relax. Sort of unnatural. Doing nothing is something I’m saving for when I’m dead.’ Scott looks around for something to amuse. ‘What are you thinking, Fern?’
‘About the agony of not having sex with my sex god fiance,’ I reply frankly. Scott laughs but doesn’t jump me, which is what I was hoping he’d do. He’s very serious about this chastity thing. Couldn’t we at least fool around? I suppose neither of us would be able to stop if we started; still, would that be so awful? My throat becomes parched and scratchy and my hands become damp as I indulge the idea of us flinging ourselves in among the bamboo in order to pull off each other’s clothes. We’d speedily slip out of our swimwear and slowly, oh so slowly, his tongue would venture over my body. His tongue, lips, hands would uncover zones of delight; I’d burble and flood. He’d caress my shoulders, kiss the back of my neck, nibble at my jawline, lick between my breasts. But this time we’d finally get past the delicate discovery. He’d thrust suddenly, deeply, certainly. He’d fill me, pushing, burning, grabbing,
I realize I’m making odd mewing sounds when the pool guy asks if I’ve swallowed a fly? Am I choking? Do I need a drink? I do. I need him to throw it over me. I’d better think about something else.
‘I have to keep giving myself a mental pinch,’ I tell Scott. ‘I need to keep reminding myself this is real, these are the sights and sounds of my home now. It’s a leap. I never, even in my wildest dreams, imagined that my home would have a view like this.’ I sweep my arm out towards the blue skies and tall trees. ‘Or that I’d listen to the sounds of staff preparing lunch. Kids yelling, a dog barking, TV blaring was as much as I dared hope for. It’s surreal.’
‘Bit much to take in, hey?’
‘Yeah.’
‘What do your friends make of everything that’s happened to you?’
‘Not sure. Haven’t talked to any of them.’ I try to keep my smile attached to my face. One moment’s lack of concentration and I fear my face will crumple and I’ll look like a discarded crisp bag. Not a great look and very ungrateful. ‘I thought they would be really thrilled for me. You know. Especially Jess, she’s my best friend. I thought she’d be wowed about my meeting you and getting engaged and everything. But I get the feeling she’s avoiding me.’
Scott takes off his hat and looks at me with painful sincerity. Am I actually dribbling? It’s possible – he’s gorgeous. I’m pretty sure he could make me worry less
‘The thing I’ve found hardest to appreciate is that success can fuck stuff up more than failure,’ says Scott, understanding everything without me having to say too much. ‘Why don’t you call her now? Try again. Use your new phone, put it on speaker, then I can say hello too,’ he says, helpfully.
As soon as Jess picks up, I elatedly yell, ‘Hi, it’s me!’
‘Fern!’ Jess shrieks. ‘Finally we talk!’
‘Didn’t you get my messages? I’ve called loads.’
‘I’ve tried to call you back but your mobile is dead and you didn’t leave another number – you silly sod.’
The relief. Of course, a simple explanation. ‘God, how stupid of me. So sorry. I’m all over the place. I’ve been living in a dream world.’
‘I see that from the papers. They say you’re in LA!’
‘Yes!’
‘I can’t believe it!’
‘Nor can I!’
‘You’re marrying Scottie Taylor!’
‘Yes!’
‘I can’t believe it!’
‘Nor can I!’
‘So you’ve gone. I really can’t believe it. You didn’t say goodbye.’ This time I can’t hear an exclamation mark.
‘There wasn’t time, I –’ I falter and then try again. ‘It’s not like it’s goodbye,
‘How can you have gone? You haven’t picked up any of your clothes.’
‘I had someone come by to pick up my passport and
‘Oh. I see. You didn’t take the makeup brushes that I got you for your birthday.’
‘Hell. That was a mistake. I meant to.’
‘I suppose you can buy more.’
Suddenly, I don’t want to tell her about the plethora of goodies on my dressing-table or the size of the house, the infinity pool, my new wardrobe. I don’t know how to. All at once the root of Jess’s silent censure is clear to me. ‘Oh shit, Jess, I’m so sorry. You’re concerned about the rent. Don’t worry about what I owe you, I’ll keep paying until you find someone to take my place.’
‘Very good of you.’ She doesn’t sound at all grateful.
‘How about we say I give you six months of rent on the old place upfront, you’ll find someone to replace me by then.’
‘You think it will take six months to find a new flatmate but you found a new fiance in three days,’ says Jess.
Ouch. I look up at Scott, startled and wary of his reaction. ‘Adam was never my fiance,’ I say pointedly.
