Dhalgren

felt, saying it, the comparison was unfair. 'He says you're his best friend. What is it? He thinks he's doing it for you, you think you're doing it for him?' His face, straining after hers, registered a sudden sadness inside him so intensely it took him instant after instant to see her expression had changed.

'I used to be the smartest person in my class!' she said, suddenly.

He wondered why his eyes were burning till he saw tears in hers.

'I used… to be the smartest person in my class!' She dropped her head.

He dropped his, whispered, 'Hey…' and put his hand (too gently, he thought) on the back of her neck, touched his forehead to hers.

'Why don't you go away?' she said with sad, exhausted anger.

'Okay.' He squeezed, snorted the faint laughter of withdrawal, and went back up the steps (his palm cold; her neck had been warm). Halfway up the hall, though, he was frowning.

When he climbed back into the loft, Denny (between Kid's fists) turned over and blinked and grunted.

'Hey, your girl friend's outside all upset.'

'Oh, shit!' Denny said and sat up. He ground the heels of his palms against his eyes, then started for the edge of the loft.

Kid grabbed his unchained ankle.

Denny looked back.

'You guys go through this much trauma every time you screw?'

'It's my fault,' Denny said.

'Sure,' Kid nodded. 'Come on back here, will you?'

'I better go. I guess I been doing too much talking about you. I guess I ain't talked to her about nothing else for a pretty long time.'

'Which reminds me,' Kid said. 'You're making a lot more out of that lady in the department store with the bee-bee gun than it's really worth, you know?'

Denny grinned. 'I been talking about you a hell of a lot longer than that,' and went over the side.

Kid lay back, grunted, 'Fuck…' and rolled over, wishing there was someone else there. Maybe, he thought, very tired, he'll bring her back. Denny, he figured, would return. Should he have actually touched her? (He recognized the beginnings of a welter of paranoid speculation; recognized as well that sleep lay on the other side of it.) Touched her in the street? If they were lovers, he would be able to find out in a day, a week, a month if it was the proper thing to do. Hell, should he have told Denny about it at all? He was being used: he didn't like it. That's not the sort of shit you lay on somebody you just dragged into bed. Lovers? He decided he didn't like her at all. (She, among silent others, had once said, 'Goodbye.') On the other hand, he shouldn't go prying around in emotional closets like that. (He turned over again, wishing Lanya had not disappeared.) Silly, stupid kids! Why did Denny drag her in in the first place? Righteous indignation, he finally decided, was easier. For the first time in a long while he was aware of the chain around him. Careful, he mulled, that it doesn't come apart — not sure why he should be afraid it might.

2

He woke alone.

Kid sat up, with his eyes closed, for half a minute. The air in the loft was heavy and dry. Would the pulsing at the back of his head become a headache? People moved in other rooms. The bathroom door closed three times. Grinding his knees on the blanket, he turned for his clothes.

Denny's were gone.

In another room a black woman laughed.

His pants were still on. He shrugged up his vest and, with neither buttoned, climbed down. One of the sleeping bags was still occupied. Two others were shed in quilted rings.

He leaned on the wall to pull up his boot. He wished again he had the other, but felt habit dissolve the wish. He went into the hall wondering if he'd encounter Denny or the girl first.

From the door ahead, light slapped across the hall and made him squint.

'Hey, Dragon Lady!'

Kid looked in.

Nightmare, squatting on one of the mattresses, kneaded his thick, scarred shoulder. 'Hey, Dragon Lady, you been down!'

The gorgeous beast dazzled about the shabby room.

Nightmare let himself thud backward against the wall. A figure under a blanket moved away. Nightmare laughed and rocked and jangled.

'Down and back! Oh, hey, man. And back!' Dragon Lady turned, killed her lights. And laughed. Kid watched her stained teeth gape.

A dozen people slept around the room. Nightmare and Dragon Lady talked on raucously:

'I brought you coffee!' She breathed heavily, breasts stretching her vest's rawhide laces. 'Adam and Baby are out there now putting it together. Found a whole fucking warehouse full!' Her face was long and dark as bittersweet chocolate. 'Brought you back a whole carton.'

'Instant?'

'No.' She made a fist. 'No!' — insistent as an economics teacher. 'The real thing. My boys are making it in the kitchen.'

Nightmare rocked and hugged his shoulders. 'Hey, we're gonna do up a little caffeine here! That's really good. Oh, Yeah!'

Copperhead suddenly, knees wide, swung up to sit. Head low between his shoulders, he shook his hair. Freckled hands crossed on his darker genitals, he blinked at the room. His lids were puffy so that you just saw two slashes of gold; which turned toward Kid. Copperhead frowned, cocked his head; his mouth hung open, his lips, marked with a line Kid knew was dried blood (because his own gums bled when he slept), sagged from even, yellow teeth. The girl in the pea jacket moaned and tried to wedge between the cushion and the couch-back.

Nightmare swung his hand at Kid. 'That's him.'

'Sure looks like him.' Dragon Lady's heavy lips pursed.

Nightmare's thin ones grinned.

'What you wearin' that thing around the house for?' Copperhead asked.

Kid looked down at the orchid — on his hand. 'It makes shaking my dick after I take a leak a real adventure.' He took a breath, tried not to search out the memory, searched and found a blank.

'Not to mention zipping up your fly,' Copperhead said. 'It's open.' He turned to pull his pants out from under the blond girl, who squeaked and tried to roll into the upholstery again.

'That's him?' Dragon Lady asked, mocking.

Kid nodded. 'It's me.' He leaned back on the door jamb and dropped to a squat. 'It's going to stay open for a while, too, I guess. I don't feel like castrating myself.'

'He's really funny.' Nightmare pushed the end of his braid back over his shoulder. 'He's a good kid. He doesn't make a lot of noise. But when he does something, it usually turns out pretty good.'

That's a good image to live up to, Kid decided; and decided not to say very much more. When had he put on the orchid…? When…? Copperhead looked unpleasant, yanked again: 'Will you get off my fuckin' clothes? I wanna get dressed!'

'Hey, will you guys bring in that coffee!' Dragon Lady hollered.

Somebody half hidden by the couch raised her head from the crook of her arm, and dropped it. It was not Denny's girl.

'They been talking a lot about you,' Dragon Lady said. She frowned at Copperhead. 'He ain't been saying nothing nice.' She laughed.

'I ain't been saying nothing.' Copperhead fumbled at the snap on his fatigues. One of the thigh pouches was torn. There were holes in both knees. 'I don't got nothing to say about the Kid.'

Nightmare hunkered a little. 'Kid, what you got to say about Copperhead?'