will. . 'bye.'
'You have to know this isn't your fault,' I said after he'd hung up.
He just stared straight ahead, 'Um, when I was two, Lucy was supposed to be watching me. She was only ten at the time, so that was probably pretty irresponsible of my parents, but she left me on the top bunk bed in her room and, well, the next thing you know, I fell off the bunk bed and onto the floor. And you know, I turned out seminormal.' I bumped my knee against his. 'Or maybe not.. '
He smiled. 'I know she'll be okay, but my mom sounded like I really let her down, and Cole is so overprotective of Katie. it's just… do you have any idea how frickin' exhausting it is to be me sometimes?'
I stared at him in disbelief.
'Ryan,' I said, 'nobody expects you to be perfect' 'Right, tell that to the coaches and my parents.'
I'd never really thought about that. I'd just always assumed that Ryan was perfect.
'It's my own fault,' he continued, 'I kill myself to live up to peoples expectations. Just once I'd like to skip class, drink at a party, not always say the right thing, I can already hear my parents, 'You should have been watching her, Ryan,' What were you thinking, Ryan! 'How irresponsible, Ryan! 'We are so disappointed, Ryan! that's the worst, when they tell me that they're disappointed in me, like I'm not allowed to mess up once in a while. I'm just thankful my dad doesn't need to know about this!' it was the first time Ryan had mentioned his father since he hadn't shown up at the game earlier in the year. 'if I have to hear from him one more time that an A-minus is the same as a B-minus and that no decent college is going to let me in unless I get nothing but straight As. .like t want to follow his path to being a self-absorbed prick.'
My mouth dropped open.
He looked horrified, 'I'm sorry… I shouldn't have… I didn't mean, '
'It's okay' I rubbed his arm. 'You're just really stressed about Katie, that's all. there's just… a lot going on right now.'
He turned to me, looking so tired. 'I know you think I'm overreacting, but I spend so much time doing things to not disappoint people.. . What about what I want?'
'What do you want?' I asked.
'Does it even matter?' he replied as he leaned his head against the wall.
'Yes, it does, if it's important to you.'
'Well, I can't have it, so what's the point?'
this was such a different side to Ryan — he was so vulnerable. it made me like him even more. I reached out and held his hand again. 'Ryan, you're an amazing person and you do deserve whatever you want,' He looked down at my hand in his. 'I'm not stupid, so I'm willing to settle.'
I was confused; I had no idea what he was talking about. He reached out his free hand and cupped my chin. 'I know things have been weird, but can we please have things go back to normal between us?'
I didn't know if that was even possible. What was normal anymore?
I nodded. 'I'm really sorry for everything. Rosanna was just..'
'I know,' he said as he put his hand back down and took his other hand away from mine. I had the urge to grab it again, but resisted.
'Well.' I hit him on the knee. 'Leave it to you. You come in here with your sister and you end up making me feel better.'
'Yeah, well, leave it to Mr. Perfect…'
I laughed. 'Hardly. Don't forget I overheard you singing at the concert and you, mister, have a little problem with pitch. I say you're far from perfect.'
He shook his head and we sat in silence. I started to hum along to the Muzak playing in the background.
'Oh my God,' I said.
Ryan looked up. 'What's wrong?'
I shook my head, 'Nothing, it's just…' I went over to the front desk and turned up the volume, 'Seems to be appropriate, don't you think?' I started to sing along to the music playing.
Won't you please, please help me.
'You have no idea.' He breathed what appeared to be a sigh of relief.
Dad came out a few minutes later, holding Katies hand. Her mouth looked a lot better, besides the gauze that Dad affixed to help slow the bleeding. Ryan jumped out of his chair and was on his knees hugging her.
'Dr. Bloom, thank you so much. I'm so sorry for having to call you at home — I just didn't know what to do.'
My dad shook Ryan's hand. 'No worries — you did the right thing.'
Katie came over to me and extended Abbey in her small arms, I bent down. 'You know, I think you might need Abbey more than me.' Her face lit up and she ran over to Ryan and grabbed his leg, 'Well,' he said, 'I guess we should go. thanks again, Dr. Bloom.'
He walked over to me, saying 'thanks, Penny' as he gave me a hug. then he leaned down and kissed me on the cheek.
I saw the surprised look on my dad's face. As we let them out the front door, he looked at me. 'So.. that Ryan. Great guy, huh?'
You have no idea, I thought.
With a Little Help From My Friends 'I get by with a little help from my friends…'
USUALLY AFTER A BREAK, I dreaded going back to school But I couldn't watt to see Ryan, to see if things were really okay between us.
We fell quickly back in place, and I practically ran to my locker between classes. instead of dread, I started to look forward to my between-class teasing session. Usually I told him how many ways he wasn't perfect, and he commented on the unfortunate shape of my head from my bunk bed trauma.
'Come to think of it, I never see you wear hats — is that because of the, you know, accident' He tugged on my scarf as I was buttoning up my wool coat.
'Gee, let me think. I've never seen you play a musical instrument
— is that maybe because you're completely inept at anything related to music?'
I wrapped my scarf around my neck so it smacked him in the head every time it circled around.
'Oh, excuse me. ,' 'Penny!' I heard someone cry from across the hall. I saw Jen running toward me, with Tracy following quickly behind her.
This couldn't be good.
Tracy broke the news. 'Principal Braddock told her that we can't have the karaoke night in the gymnasium anymore.'
'What?' I screamed. 'It's four days away!'
Jen took a deep breath, 'He said that he feels it's turned into a Lonely Hearts Club event and that it can't be on school grounds!' 'that doesn't make any sense!' I protested, 'Were raising money for the basketball team. We're just helping because you're our friend. Everybody's invited.'
Jen put her head in her hands. 'I just don't know what we're going to do. We've all worked so hard.'
Tracy sat down and put her hand around Jen's shaking body. 'It's okay, we'll just have to postpone it until…'
'the hell we are!' I proclaimed. Both Tracy and Jen looked up at me in shock. 'We're going to have this party and raise so much flippin' money that the basketball team is going to have the best uniforms in the school's history.'
Tracy looked at me like I had gone insane. 'But, Pen, we can't use the school.'
'then we'll find somewhere else to have it. I am so sick of all the drama. Seriously, what's the point of having the Club if we can't find a way to overcome these little obstacles?'
'But all of the flyers have been put up… ' Jen argued.
