proprietor who was timidly making his way to us, “Crap No. Eight, and Double Crap No. Thirteen. And make it snappy!”
“You’ve scared the living daylights out of him,” I said, watching the stooped shoulders of the retreating prorietor. “I can only imagine how—”
“No, you can’t! You can’t imagine the teeniest tiniest thing! All the better. Oh-ho! Now it’s time to start stuffing our bellies! Look how he waddles, it’s hilarious! By the way, your way of choosing a meal is really something. Do you see what they’re bringing us?”
“Yes, I see it,” I said. I was completely at a loss.
They served Lonli-Lokli two minute vase-like glasses, each of which contained a fragment of some whitish substance that smelled simultaneously of mildew, honey, and rum. I was presented with a huge pot, filled to the brim with meat and vegetables.
“Bring me the same, immediately!” Lonli-Lokli demanded. “Otherwise I’ll feel embarrassed in front of the lady. And take back that Number Thirteen! We smelled it, and that was enough!”
“You may leave one,” I interrupted. “I’m very curious about what kind of junk you ordered.”
“Go ahead and try it. Personally, I’m not willing to risk my life over such a trifle. Goodness, Sir Max—how funny you are!”
The proprietor stared at us in mute bewilderment and disappeared, taking one of the much-maligned little vases with him.
I poked around at the whitish substance with squeamish fascination, sniffed it again, and cautiously tasted a bit of it.
It tasted like a horrible mixture of lard and smelly cheese, soaked in some variety of the local spirits.
“Disgusting!” I pronounced with a certain respect. “This is what we need to take back with us as a present for Juffin. It’s the best medicine for homesickness and nostalgia, which he doesn’t suffer from anyway.”
“If we ever see that sly old fox again, that is,” Lonli-Lokli said with a smirk. “Actually, you have a lot of experience traveling between Worlds, don’t you?”
“Not too much,” I replied, a bit shamefaced. “You’ve changed your tune, it seems. You never liked me talking about my World before.”
“It’s not my tune I changed—but myself! You’re so slow to catch on. Don’t you see, that dullard Sir Lonli-Lokli whom you had the misfortune to know couldn’t immediately accept the outlandish story of your origins, even it if were the only logical explanation. But I’m not such an idiot as to deny the obvious. I think the unbearable fellow I was unlucky enough to be then will also accept it in time. But it doesn’t really matter, does it?”
“Probably not,” I sighed. “Ah, here’s your meal. Bon appetit, Glamma!”
“What a name!” Shurf chuckled. “Someone really had to think to come up with that one.”
He polished off the contents of his pot with unbelievable relish and demanded more. I reached for the kamra, which they made no worse here than in Echo, Lady Sotofa’s uncomplimentary remarks notwithstanding.
“You’re not such a madman, Sir Max,” said Lonli-Lokli, and winked slyly. “I thought I wouldn’t be able to let you out of my sight so that you wouldn’t get up to mischief in that get-up. But as soon as Uncle Shurf let down his defenses a smidgen, you were already on your guard. You’re a little vixen! No matter what happens, you’ll always land on your feet. You’re made of the sternest stuff.”
“I never thought it would come to this, but you know best.”
“That was a compliment,” Lonli-Lonkli said. “People like you went a long way during the Epoch of Orders, believe me. I don’t know where you came from, but . . . Okay, this conversation is getting boring, and I need to grab my good luck by the tail.”
“What do you mean by that?”
“Nothing, really. I can’t sleep yet, so I’m going out to look for a way to pass the time. When next will I get the chance to neglect my duties with an easy conscience?”
I raised my eyebrows in consternation and quickly assessed the matter at hand. In fact, I had in my arsenal an excellent means of getting out of this sticky situation. One dexterous motion of my left hand, and a miniscule Lonli-Lokli would have the perfect opportunity to come to his senses, resting between my thumb and my forefinger. On the other hand, who am I to deprive this wonderful fellow of his well-earned leisure? After all, he was a grownup man, a few centuries older than me. Let him do as he wished. And the main thing was that it might not be a good idea to let him sleep. If the dead men he had robbed were still looking for the Mad Fishmonger . . . Heck, now was their chance to find him!
“Enjoy yourself, Shurf,” I said. “Lady Marilyn and I will go sniff out the situation and see whether there are any wonders to be found around here.”
“You are a very clever fellow, Max,” Lonli-Lokli stared at me with a new kind of respect and interest. “I just can’t describe how clever you are!”
“What, you mean the trick with my left hand might not work?”
I was already used to dealing with people who read my thoughts, so I knew right away what he meant.
“It’s not just that it might not work—you can’t even begin to think what I might do in return.”
“Why not? I have a rich imagination. What I really can’t imagine is what I might do myself.”
“Bravo!” Lonli-Lokli exclaimed. “That’s how you should answer any high-handed crazy Magician.” And once more he cackled with glee.
“You know what they say, ‘If you lie down with dogs, you’ll come up with fleas.’ Good night, friend!” I stood up to leave.
“Goodbye, Sir Max. Tell that bore Sir Lonli-Lokli not to be such a show-off. He’s a good fellow, but sometimes he goes overboard.”
“I couldn’t agree with you more. Send me a call if you’re headed for trouble.”
“Me? Never! But if someone else is headed in that direction . . .”
“Naturally.”
I waved to him from the doorway and went on my way.
The first thing I did was return to Lady Xaraya’s house, which had turned willy-nilly into the Kettarian branch of the Secret Investigative Force. I settled myself comfortably in the flowery rocker, lit a cigarette, and pondered my reflection in the large, old mirror. Lady Marilyn, it seems our husband has abandoned us. I hope you’re satisfied, dear?
In fact, my new persona was wild with happiness. She squealed in an excess of delight and demanded immediately to go for a walk, to breathe the sweet air of freedom. Perhaps somewhere on the streets of nighttime Kettari she might succeed in finding a few adventures?
I thought of the recent transformation of Lonli-Lokli. I didn’t know how it would end, but the new image suited him as long as the fellow didn’t get into any trouble. On the other hand, a guy like that get into trouble? Come off it!
I decided to banish all thoughts like this from my head. You can’t undo what’s already been done.
Now Lady Marilyn and I had to resolve one small dilemma. I longed for a walk around Kettari, but was it wise for a pretty girl to gallivant about at night in a strange city?
I have the perfect idea, my little pumpkin! I informed my reflection. Why not dress up like a man? It’s pure madness, of course; but what to do?
I ransacked my colleague’s bags, found a suitable turban, and even a pin for the looxi. That was all I needed. But now what about Marilyn’s illusory curves? Sir Kofa had really outdone himself when he created my new appearance. I could have gotten away with simple falsies! I sighed and grabbed the next cigarette. How do you turn a girl into a boy? I needed the resourceful eye of a designer.
In a few minutes I came up with what initially seemed to be an absurd idea: to conceal my virtual figure in the way a real woman might mask her very real figure. I would bind the illusory bust tightly, pad my sides to hide the difference in size between waist and hips, and stuff a rag in the shoulder area.
Well, it was worth a try. I wasn’t sure whether it was really so dangerous for a girl walking alone through nighttime Kettari, but I decided that once I was a fake man I would feel much more sure of myself than I did as a fake woman. But how confusing it all was!
Half an hour later I glanced cautiously in the mirror. To my satisfaction, the effect was much better than I
