those bare feet would make little noise out here. If only she had time to reach where she was going – but she hadn't even had time to think what use Jane's house might be, when a car rounded a bend ahead and trapped her and Anna in its headlights.
She stood there while it drew to a halt. She knew the puzzled frowning face that leaned out of the driver's window, if only she could think. 'A bit late to be out walking,' he said. 'Can I give you a lift somewhere?'
Of course, he was staying at the Hotel Britannia. There was his wife, staring dubiously at Liz through the windscreen, then rearranging her features hastily into a smile. The hotel was all that Liz could think of now. 'Yes, thank you, to the hotel,' she said, shoving Anna into the back of the car and giving her arm a warning squeeze as she climbed in beside her. God help the child if she made these people think worse of Liz. She was already regretting having accepted the lift. Going to the hotel wouldn't solve anything, but she was afraid to think what would.
Forty-two
Liz woke feeling feverish. The room was too hot, the cries of children sounded as if they were just outside the window; even the bed didn't feel like hers. She reached out drowsily to find a cool patch under the oppressive blankets, and realized she was alone. Anna was gone. It was all over, thank God.
A movement in the room made her open her eyes, her stomach fluttering. The movement was Anna; nothing at all was solved. That much was clear from the way Anna was gazing at her, as if her mother were some kind of monster she'd been trying not to wake. What the devil had she to be scared of? Was she still blaming Liz for last night? You'd think Liz had dragged her out of bed for no reason. Maybe she should have left her there to find out for herself, instead of bringing her to the hotel. That would have taught her.
She'd made it as difficult as possible for Liz to take refuge here last night. Liz was awakening now, and remembering. Gail hadn't looked exactly welcoming when they'd appeared in the foyer, especially when Liz had told her they wanted to stay the night. She'd turned sympathetic, though dubious, when she'd realized how desperate Liz was – sympathetic enough to ask no questions for the time being. But just then Anna had to go and plead for a separate room. One look from Liz had silenced her, but the damage had been done. The child could hardly have made it clearer to Gail that she was terrified to be alone with her mother.
It was all Liz's fault, of course. What a monster she was, to have saved Anna from the thing that had got into the house! In the bathroom adjoining her hotel room she'd scrubbed her horribly sticky hand in water that was as hot as she could bear, and had felt almost safe. Thank God, she didn't need to think what she'd left prowling her home; she mustn't think about it. She'd escaped, that was all she need remember. Eventually she'd slept, one arm round Anna to make sure she didn't sneak away, though the child had tried to struggle out of her grasp. While she slept she hadn't felt nervous at all.
But she was nervous now. Anna was making her nervous, watching her as she might have watched a dangerous animal escaping from its cage, shrinking back when Liz came near.
'Listen to me, young lady,' Liz said, grabbing her arm. 'If you behave like that in public, you'll be very sorry.' She could hear children scampering in the room above; had she been overheard? It didn't matter – she wasn't saying anything that a million other parents wouldn't say. She gave Anna a shake and let her go, and went into the bathroom.
As soon as she was dressed, she hurried the child downstairs. She wanted to clear up the situation with Gail. She'd had one bad moment in the bathroom, turning sick as something red loomed outside the frosted glass, but it must have been a kite above the cliff. Was she going to be as nervous as this for the rest of their stay? Perhaps it would help if she felt more welcome.
Gail was in the office behind the desk, typing out the lunch menus. She didn't look encouraging. Liz ignored that. 'Gail, is it all right if we keep that room for a few days? I'll pay you, obviously.'
Gail frowned at her typing, but not only at her typing. 'That depends how long you mean to stay.'
'Just until Alan comes home.'
'Why, is he on his way?'
'I think so.' That sounded like a he. 'Yes, he is,' Liz said.
'Oh, I'm so glad. I know it's been hard on you with Alan away, on top of everything else.' She was smiling now – because Liz wouldn't be staying long? 'Will he know you're here?'
'Yes, I'm sure he will.'
'Well, then you wait here for him if it'll make you feel better. We'll work something out when you leave. You understand, it can only be for a few days, though.'
Liz had to be thankful for whatever she could get. She strode outside, feeling reprieved. The sky was so bright that it hurt her eyes, or perhaps they were burning with lack of sleep. The heat clamped on her forehead at once. Yes, the red on the cliff was a kite, and the other glimpse by the pool was a red swimsuit. The snuffling behind her – she turned sharply to peer into the foyer, which was blotchy with after-images – turned out to be a child with hay fever. She closed her eyes to give her vision time to settle down, but she was afraid to close them for long.
'Is daddy really coming home?' Anna said.
Liz reached for her through the blotchy orange blindness and squeezed her arm, or tried to; she felt the child stiffen, steel herself for another bruise. 'Yes, he is. That's one reason I was trying to wake you last night,' Liz said. But that reminded her of the other reason. She could tell that Anna didn't believe her, not after the way she'd treated her last night. 'I think you can stay in the nursery,' Liz said.
Toddlers were playing hide-and-seek in and out of the sand-pit; two little girls were cooking pebbles on a Fisher-Price cooker. The nursery girls came to meet Liz at the gate. 'Are you going to leave Anna?' Maggie said.
'I was meaning to stay too.' Something in Maggie's voice made Liz tighten inside herself. 'I thought you might need some help.'
'Thanks very much, but we can manage.'
'Oh, I see.' So they'd had their instructions, had they? Several parents, some of whom had overheard her row with Alex earlier, were watching her to see what she'd do. Liz opened the gate, and the girls stepped back. 'I'm sure you won't mind if I keep an eye on Anna,' she said, as she pushed by them.
She dragged one of the canvas sun-beds into the meagre shade of the hedge at the seaward limit of the playground and lay there defiantly, watching. Let them try to move her, by God, and there'd be such a scene! Parents kept glancing at her; so did Anna, as she played morosely on the slide and the largest swing. Trust Anna to let everyone see that she was nervous of her mother! No wonder they were all watching Liz. Perhaps there was another reason: the couple who'd given her the lift last night must have passed the word to the other parents. No wonder they didn't want to trust her with their children. Still, Anna was quite enough for her to cope with.
Really, she ought to be glad that she was being watched. Surely it meant that nothing could come to her? Out here in the sunlight she was safe from what had been in her house last night. Or was she? If she truly believed in it, mustn't she believe that it had not only been in the pillbox and her house, but on the television screen as well? No -she would rather believe that her glimpses had been caused by her nerves, that the sounds she'd heard in the house had been Anna, after all. Somehow it was easier to believe that now, especially since it was Anna who'd got her into such a state.
Yet she was still afraid to go home until Alan returned. Surely he must be on his way by now. The red beyond the hedge was a kite, a kite, but still she didn't like its swoops. The glimpse of red through the fence around the pool was the child's swimsuit, but every minute Liz was more on edge. Even the swings troubled her, dark shapes jerking up at the limit of her vision. Thank God the bar would be open soon, then she could leave Anna with the nursery girls; that was what they were here for. Besides, Anna had struck up a conversation with a young girl who'd been swimming in the pool.
It was almost time for the bar to open when Anna and her new friend headed for the gate. 'Where are you going,
Anna?' Liz called, and all the parents glanced at her. She couldn't speak to her own child now without being made to feel like a leper.
