His attention was instantly drawn to her. She stood with her legs splayed farther apart then he’d seen them all day. Her mouth was parted, and when she breathed, she straightened slightly, as if needing to increase her lung capacity. Her fingers had swollen a little and he guessed her feet felt the same way.
She hadn’t said anything about being tired before. He couldn’t remember whether they’d stopped to eat or rest today, something he’d always made part of his agenda before-before his son was the one out there.
“Shannon.” He started to lift his hands toward her. After a couple of seconds, he let them drop to his sides. “I should have paced us better. I pushed you too hard.”
“No more than you pushed yourself. All I had to do was follow your lead. You’re the one who did all the tracking. You’re incredible. So determined. So patient. I mean it. No wonder you’re in demand.”
He could have pointed out that he was used to this life-style and had trained his mind and body to accept what he required of it, but despite the deep shadows, he could see fine lines at the corners of Shannon’s eyes, the way her mouth drooped as if she was tired of holding it in place.
Still, she would keep going until she dropped if she believed it would help their son. He didn’t dare forget that.
“Rest.” His hands felt empty. He had to fight to keep from reaching for her. “I won’t do that to you again.”
“I don’t care. You have to know that.”
The world around them had already taken on its night song, cooler, freer somehow than it had during the day. Her voice had risen to blend with it. “Yes, I do,” he told her.
“And you feel the same way, don’t you?”
“With all my heart.”
“Oh, Cord.” She touched him, a warm, strong hand on his cheek. Although he didn’t move, he felt himself flow into the contact. As when they’d once made love, he lost the distinctions between them.
The caress that wasn’t really one continued. He thought about her reaction to his stubble, wanted to protect her from that harshness. Wanted her to know that some things hadn’t changed about him and his body would still feel the same to her.
He was full of words. Words that wouldn’t come. All he could do was dip his head so that his cheek pressed more firmly against her hand and look into her eyes and wonder what emotions she kept hidden from him.
Maybe none. Maybe a lifetime’s worth.
“What are you thinking?” she whispered.
“I don’t believe you. Don’t pull back, please. It’s all right,” she insisted, and he did as she ordered. “I shouldn’t have asked. I just-Oh, Cord, I’m such an emotional mess. I guess I was hoping you could tell me how to get through this. My moods are like a roller coaster, up and down until I think I’m going to go crazy.”
“He’s all right. You’ve seen his tracks. You know-”
“Yes, I do. I’m just tired. Maybe that makes me think things I shouldn’t. Worry more than I should. I mean, look at what we’ve already accomplished.”
“Yes, we have.”
“Do you mean it?” she challenged. “I don’t want you keeping anything from me. I need you to be honest even if it’s bad. Comparing this search to others, is it coming along all right?”
“Much better than many,” he told her. If there was any way he could keep her from tapping into everything he was thinking, learning the depth and width of his concerns, he would do it. And if he couldn’t-
“That’s good.” She sighed and stared at her hand as if surprised to see it against his flesh. Stepping back, she let her arm drop to her side. With that gesture, the night seemed to lap against her and take over. “Thank you,” she said. “I needed to hear that.”
Fifteen minutes later they’d spread out their ground mats and unrolled their separate sleeping bags and Shannon had gotten out the peanut butter and jelly sandwiches she’d made so many hours ago. When Cord caught the smell of peanut butter, his stomach rumbled. Despite that, he picked up the two-way radio and made contact with Shannon’s parents because he wanted to give them more details on where they were and what they’d accomplished today.
Despite the strain they couldn’t keep out of their voices, Shannon’s parents insisted that they were holding up well and were fortunately being kept busy. After telling them about finding Pawnee and having let all three horses go, he turned the radio over to Shannon. His call to the sheriff would have to come later when he was assured of privacy. In the meantime, he’d have to go on fighting himself.
By the time he’d removed his boots, she had told her parents that they could expect the horses to show up at her place sometime tomorrow and that she’d appreciate knowing as soon as they did. After ending the conversation, she handed him his dinner. “Are you tired?” she asked gently.
“Tired? I guess. I try not to think about anything except what I have to do.”
“How well do you succeed?”
“Most of the time it works.”
“But not now.” She tipped her head slightly and studied him intently. “No. You don’t have to say anything. I won’t push, not tonight. I don’t want to have to worry any more than I already am. Does that make me sound like a coward?”
“You’re doing what you have to. That’s all right.”
“Is it?” Stretching her neck, she glanced at the still-darkening sky. “Even if the temperature goes down more, I hope the clouds break up completely tonight. The moon’s just about full. If it isn’t totally dark, if he can study the moon, it might make him feel better.”
“It might.”
“But you don’t think it’s going to make much of a difference because you’ve shown him there’s nothing to fear in the night. I hope you’re right, because if you aren’t-No! I said I wasn’t going to let myself worry.” She took a small bite while he studied the shadows’ effect on her features. It was becoming harder and harder to separate her from their surroundings.
“My mother made the blackberry jelly I used in the sandwiches,” she continued. “She tried to get me to help her, but I guess I’m not as domestic as she, which isn’t saying much. What do you think of it?”
“Delicious,” he told her although he’d barely tasted what he was eating.
“And the peanut butter will stick to our ribs, not that I have to worry about putting on weight with all the exercise I got today. Listen to me. I keep rambling like-why don’t you just tell me to shut up?”
“It’s all right,” he said as he thought about the miles that separated them from the rest of the world.
“But maybe you have to listen to -
“I don’t,” he interrupted. “Matt isn’t around here.”
“No, he isn’t. Just owls and coyotes and crickets and mosquitoes.” Closing her eyes, she listened for a minute. “They make quite a lullaby, don’t they? I’ve always loved it.” She sighed. “I just hope Matt sees it in the same way.”
He almost told her Matt would, but decided not to because that might bring them back to the conversation they’d sidestepped a few minutes ago. “It sounds like this at your place, doesn’t it?” he asked.
“Oh, yes. Sometimes when the coyotes get going, they all but drown out the TV.”
“Do they ever give you any trouble?”
“No. Actually, I rather like them, a sentiment some of my neighbors don’t share. However, you’ll notice that I don’t keep any chickens or rabbits or anything that might appeal to them. You’ve seen wolves, haven’t you?” Although he couldn’t make out her features, he sensed that she was smiling. “I’ve always wanted to, but with foals around it’s probably a good thing there aren’t any left around here. Still, I think we’ve lost something important and basic because they’re gone.”
He told her that an Alaska fish and game employee had taken him along during a wolf population count a couple of years ago and that he’d watched a pair of adult wolves teach their young how to track and kill.
“The balance of nature,” she said when he was finished. “It seems cruel, but predators keep the population of other animals in balance with the available food. Everything works as long as man doesn’t interfere. Too bad we couldn’t bring along the makings for a steak dinner. I swear I could eat the biggest one out there.”
“Do you want more to eat? I’ve got-”
