“No. No, thanks. I’d probably better see how well I digest this.” Standing, she told him she was going to make a stab at cleaning up at the creek they’d stopped near. He watched her disappear, flashlight in hand, and then waited a few more minutes before contacting Dale Vollrath at his office. After the briefest of pleasantries Dale explained that he’d been out to the ranch twice to see how Shannon’s parents were doing and had let the head of search and rescue know what was going on. So far the press hadn’t picked up on what was happening but that might not last long. “Unfortunately, when and if that happens, we’re going to be swamped by reporters. I want to work with you, not be interviewed.”
“I’ve found Matt’s trail,” Cord explained.
“You have? That’s great. I’m sure that’s a big relief to both of you.”
“Not as much as I wish.” Keeping his voice as low as he dared, he told Dale about the faint gunshots he’d heard.
“Damn!”
“Yeah, damn. Except for us, is there anyone else on this side of Copper that you know of?”
“The forest service gave me a list of a half dozen hiking groups on the east slope, but that’s not what you’re talking about, is it?”
“No,” he admitted, hating his words. “Has there been any indication that those poachers are still on Brecken- ridge?”
“I asked about that, too. In fact, trying to get a lead on them has taken most of my day. No one’s seen anything, not that that means much. We’re talking about a hell of a lot of territory. You’re sure about the sound being a shot? You said it was pretty far away.”
“I’m sure,” he said, and Dale didn’t argue the point. Instead, the sheriff promised to do some more snooping around to see if he could come up with anything.
“I’d appreciate that. And, Dale, I want to keep this between you and me.”
“In other words, you don’t want Shannon knowing. It might not be possible, you know. If something happens…”
He’d seen the result of what happens when a hunter mistakes a human for a deer and knew that that image would stay with him for a long time tonight. Shannon didn’t need to carry the same images inside her. Hadn’t she told him that she had enough to worry about as it was? Protecting her from anything more was maybe the only thing he could do for her, his only atonement.
Had Cord been talking to someone? Shannon wondered as she returned to their camping spot. She thought she’d heard the murmur of his voice, but maybe she’d only imagined it.
And maybe he’d seen more today than he’d let on and was relaying whatever it was to someone. If Cord knew something he was keeping from her, she would never forgive him. Damn it, they were supposed to be in this together! Forget his natural reserve, his closemouthed nature, his inability to communicate. Angry, she nearly confronted him and insisted he be completely truthful. Instead, she sat down and took off her boots, weariness suddenly overtaking her. Unless Matt set off a keg of dynamite, she didn’t think she could move.
At the thought of Matt, she surrendered to a sense of warmth. Fueled by the area’s gold history, her son had recently spent a day digging a four-foot-deep hole in the backyard. How could anything bad happen to a boy with dirt on his knees and blisters on his hands and excited talk about all the horses he’d buy her once he had enough gold? Cord had found Pawnee. As the light faded, he’d placed his hand on their son’s boot print. They’d find him tomorrow. Her arms would feel full again.
Arms. Hands.
Although it was so dark that she couldn’t really see her hand, she held it close to her face. Despite his Ute blood, Cord needed to shave every day. Sometimes when he came back from a search, he hadn’t been near a razor for a week or more. When he walked in the door looking like that, she’d think of a bear. A powerful, fearless bear.
And then he’d pull her close to him and she’d forget everything except his body taking over hers. Bringing her to life.
Tonight her palm felt warm and alive. She pressed it against her chest, wondering if the gesture might transfer some of Cord’s essence from her hand to her heart. She needed a little of the incredible strength and competence that had saved lives.
That, and more.
Night! She had to face the night alone with him. “Wh-what are you thinking about?” she asked, her voice surprising her. She wasn’t sure hearing him speak would give her the necessary distance from her emotions, but she had to try. “At night, when you’re on a search, you must think about other searches you’ve been on.”
“Yes.”
“And is that happening tonight?”
“More than ever.” The answer came too slow.
“Tell me about it,” she prompted, although maybe she should leave this particular topic alone.
“You really want-”
“I really want to know, Cord.”
As he’d just done, he again paused before speaking. His voice deep and low, he told her about having gone after an escaped convict, an experience that had made national headlines. She remembered; the man had been armed and desperate. What he hadn’t been was wise in the ways of the wilderness. By the time Cord tracked him down, the man had lost his fight and had been grateful to have someone take him back to civilization.
“But he was still armed, wasn’t he?”
“Yes.”
“And yet you walked right up to him?”
Cord chuckled; she’d almost forgotten what that sounded like and wanted to hear it again. “I watched him for a long time and made sure he had no fight left in him before I approached him.”
“Approached him? You’re not a cop. I don’t understand. If someone told me to go hiking off into the middle of nowhere looking for someone who’d already taken one life, I’d tell them to take a flying leap.” She shifted position slightly, groaning despite her resolve not to. “Cord, you have a child. Does your life mean that little?”
“My life means a lot to me, Shannon.” His voice was somewhere between a whisper and a growl-anger barely kept in check? “But law enforcement couldn’t touch that man because of where he was. If I didn’t go after him, he might have gotten away and later taken another life. Maybe a child’s life the next time.”
Was that why or was it because he was a man who gave up on nothing-except his marriage? “It’s like those newspaper articles say, isn’t it? You’re invincible. At least, you think of yourself that way.”
Cord didn’t say anything, and she wondered if she knew why. He’d never seen himself as anyone except a man who’d been given certain gifts and used those gifts to do a job, a sometimes desperately needed job. She shouldn’t have goaded him.
“Look,” she said. “I don’t mean to press you. Maybe I’m trying to figure out what makes you tick when I have no business doing so.”
“Yes, you do. You need to know if I can find our son.”
She felt a spark, a silent shaft of lightning coming so quickly that she almost didn’t recognize it. But in a few words, Cord had shown his ability to step inside her head. He hadn’t, she believed, been able to do that back when their marriage was dying. When they’d both given up.
“I don’t know if I want to talk to you,” she admitted. “I do know I wish with all my heart that we weren’t here, that we weren’t being forced together like this. That…that I didn’t feel so vulnerable.”
She needed to hear him say he understood, but she was wrong because he was going to retrieve their son and life would go back to normal. She also needed to snatch away her raw words and hide behind silence. Silence! That was his domain, a large part of what had destroyed them.
“Cord?” She took a breath while trying to decide whether to continue. “When I started my business, I was so scared I wouldn’t make it that I couldn’t eat. Couldn’t sleep. Do you have any idea what I’m talking about? Your stomach never becomes this boulder that weighs more than you can possibly carry, does it? What’s it like?” She forced the question. “To not feel fear.”
“I don’t know.”
His answer seemed to drift above them to blend with the night sky and the sounds that defined their existence.
