“Really?” I said, meaning, keep talking.
“Yes. The average Amish family has seven children. Almost a quarter have ten or more.”
“Ten kids?”
“That’s right. Quite a difference, isn’t it? The birthrate in the U.S. still hovers around two children per family.”
“One seems like more than enough to me,” I tossed out, but didn’t get the laugh. “Tell me more about your study.”
She fussed with her desk drawers, opening and closing, peering inside as she spoke.
“‘Effects of Large Families on Self-Actualization and Community.’”
“Oh.” It came out as one of those stupid-sounding
She seemed prepared for that kind of response. “I have it right here, if you’d like to read it?” From out of the desk came a stack of paper four inches thick and bound with a paper cover. She tossed it onto the desktop with a
“Great. Love to.”
“Take it with you. I have other copies.”
“Terrific.” I passed the brick to Ainsley. He slipped it in my camera bag.
I looked around, concentrating on how we would shoot the interview. Her office was small and not exactly the visual background I wanted. There was the requisite book shelf or three, chairs and a small couch. No diplomas or plaques boasting her credentials on the walls; only one large print of the dunes and Lake Michigan.
She must have noticed me frowning. “I do most of my work over at the university. I’m only in this office twice a week to see clients.”
“Sounds like we were lucky to catch you. Thanks again for agreeing to the interview.”
She tipped her head and the curvature of her eyeglass lens distorted her eye. She looked a bit like a cartoon character peering through a magnifying glass. “What is it you’d like to discuss?”
“As I said, we have a local death possibly involving autoerotic asphyxiation. We’d like you to explain the condition. Any insight you might be able to offer would help.”
“All right.”
I signaled to Ainsley to start setting up and he grinned, happy to be useful. He popped open the titanium suitcases that held the gear and started to rig for an interior interview. Once I was certain he was on the right track, I took out my notebook and flipped to my questions.
“Oh, wait. I’m sorry.” Dr. Graham looked apologetic. “You seem to have misunderstood. I can’t speak on camera on that subject, Ms. O’Hara. Definitely not.”
“Excuse me?”
“I’m happy to answer your questions, but not on record.” She made an effort at earnest eye contact. “In fact, I plan to encourage you to reconsider or at the very least, address the topic with extreme discretion.”
“This is network television, Dr. Graham. Not YouTube. We can be discreet.”
Her earnest look sharpened into incredulity. “Perhaps our ideas of discretion differ. The fact is, it could be extremely dangerous to flash this syndrome across the media.”
“Why?” Ainsley chipped in. He hunkered down into one of her upholstered chairs, all ears.
“For one thing, we don’t know enough about how the practice initiates. The available data indicates death is most prevalent among young men-teenagers and young adults-a population likely to be sexually active, as well as developmentally prone to risk-taking behaviors. If they hear about something like this, they may try it simply because it’s new and dangerous.”
“Increasing awareness should also help doctors learn more about who’s doing it and why,” I countered.
Ainsley frowned. I couldn’t tell if he was unimpressed with my logic or miffed over Herr Doctor’s dim view of his peer group. “I don’t get it. I mean, what’s so sexy about choking to death?”
Dr. Graham masked her face in clinical calm. “There are two physical mechanisms at work. The transient cerebral hypoxia combined with autoerotic manipulation create a very distinctive physiological sensation.”
Ainsley created a distinctive facial expression.
I whispered, “I think she said, lack of air to the brain while whacking off feels weird.”
“No doubt,” he said.
“Of course, human sexuality is never purely physiological,” the doctor continued. “This syndrome is a paraphilia-”
“A what?” Ainsley was barely keeping up.
“-a socially prohibited sexual practice,” she paused to define, “of the sacrificial type. The sense of physical helplessness and self-endangerment enhances the sexual gratification.”
“Yee-ech,” he replied. Hard to argue with that.
The doctor tried. “Quite ubiquitous, actually.”
I gave College a subtle backhand to the biceps. The more he squirmed with repulsion, the more obscure the good doctor’s vocabulary seemed to get. If he kept up with the Mr. Yuck routine, she’d be speaking Latin in a minute.
“The practice has been noted across cultures and throughout history. There’s some evidence it was practiced by the ancient Mayan culture a thousand years ago. And of course, literary references occur in de Sade-”
“Big surprise there,” I noted.
“-as well as Melville and Beckett.”
“Beckett?” Ainsley repeated.
“Yes. In the play
“I read that freshman year of college.” He shot me a bug-eye look.
“An accurate estimation of incidence is difficult to establish because the behavior is almost always conducted in absolute privacy. Most practitioners seem to make arrangements for self-release mechanisms.”
“Really?” I stopped her. “Such as?”
“They pad the rope, use quick release knots, carry knives, those sorts of things. Of course, it’s important to remember these are the things which have been noted at death scenes.”
“So they’re
“Precisely.” She crossed her arms over her chest. “But they are the clues that help rule out suicide as the cause of death.”
I had to think for a minute. Our Tom hadn’t padded the noose, as far as I could tell. Had he managed to rig his rope in such a way he believed he’d walk away?
“What other elements would you see at a typical death scene?” I asked.
“Generally, pornography is noted,” she ticked off a mental list, “partial or complete nudity of the genitalia and an absence of a suicide note. There are complex physiological, and emotional, contributing factors here. I’m sure you’ll agree it’s not something easily pared down and digested for network television.”
“What if it aired on
She pulled upright, as if I’d insulted her. “No. You miss my point. We need to limit all mass media exposure of the topic. Those most at risk for death due to experimentation are young people whose access to information is inversely proportional to their capacity for good judgment. Teenagers are going to take risks. The risks associated with imitative behavior, in this case, are quite simply, life and death.”
People always have such sensible reasons for censorship.
“What about those adults who need education on the subject? The opportunity to raise awareness and prevent further suffering?” Dr. Graham was starting to get on my nerves and I could hear it coming through in my voice. Not the best interview technique.
“Unfortunately, I know of no television forum in which adults can speak with other adults without the risk of children listening, Ms. O’Hara. Do you?”
“Thought all you psychological types knew the story of the elephant in the living room,” I parried. “It isn’t going away because we pretend not to notice.”
“Interesting,” she commented softly, as though she were talking to herself.
Suddenly, I was very aware of her attention honing in on me specifically.
