'Balls!' I said furiously. 'You can go to AA or get dried out at some drunk farm. And you can stop chasing chippies. That doesn't take gumption. A little common sense will do it. You're just too goddamned selfish.'
'You're right, brother. As usual.'
He gave me a twisted grin, but I could see he was hurting.
All the anger went out of me and I couldn't yell at him anymore.
I felt sorry for him, and I worried about him. After all, he was my brother, and that counted.
'Herm, do me a favor, will you?'
'What's that? '
'Go see Dr. Cherry Noble. She helped me, she can help you.'
He continued working on his lunch and didn't look up. 'I already have,' he said. 'One interview. We talked and she said she'd let me know if she'd take me on. But then I thought about it and decided what's the point, I'm never going to change.' , 'Man, you're sick,' I said.
I guess', he said. 'But it's MY choice, isn't it? if I want to go down the tube, down I'll go.'
I felt like weeping.
He glanced at his watch. 'Hey,' he said, 'I've got to get back to the office. I may be a lush, but I'm a functioning alcoholic. You take care, y'hear.'
He poured himself a tot of sour mash, knocked it back, and started for the door. Then he turned to face me.
'Still brothers?' he asked.
'Sure,' I said huskily. 'Always.'
I just sat there, not moving, after he left. I found myself thinking about a guy in my squad in Nam. He was shooting smack and couldn't stop. He told me he knew he'd OD someday, and he did. Of course he had plenty of reasons. I could understand where he was coming from.
But I couldn't understand my brother. He had a nice home in South Florida, a good job, a loving wife, a great daughter. But he was destroying himself as surely as my buddy did in Nam. What is this thing with people that drives us to screw up our lives?
I knew I had to do something about Herman. I'd fired my best bet probably fail, but I had to try gu would be to ask Cherry for advice.
If Herm had talked to her, maybe he had dropped some clues as to why he behaved as he did.
When my phone rang, I wheeled over to the desk hoping it was her and she'd tell me she was coming to visit that evening. But it was Tania, and I perked up. iihiya, honey,' I said. 'Enjoying your summer vacation?
'Yes, I am, she said in that serious manner she had that always made me smile. 'Uncle Chas, do you still have my hundred dollars?'
'Of course I do,' I said. 'It's in a special envelope marked with your name, just like I promised. Tania, have you and your boyfriend changed your minds about running away?'
She giggled. 'Well, he's not really my boyfriend. And we haven't changed our minds. First we're going to Disney World, and then we're going to Alaska. That's why we need the money.'
'Uh-huh,' I said. 'Honey, you know your parents are going to feel terrible when you leave home. I'll bet they'll cry.'
'Maybe my mother will but not Daddy.'
'Why not him?'
'Because he doesn't love me.'
I caught my breath. 'Tania, I don't think that's true. I believe your father loves you.'
'No, he doesn't,' she insisted. 'Or he wouldn't do the. awful things he does. Uncle Chas, I've got to go. I'm going to help Chet decide what to pack. He's not very good at it.'
'Pack?' I said. 'Then you're leaving soon?'
'Real soon,' she said. 'Before school starts. Bye now!
I hung up slowly, confused and saddened. I had a wild idea of telling Herman that his daughter planned to run away. It might shock him into changing his ways. But I decided I couldn't risk it. It would betray Tania's trust and probably convince her that neither father nor uncle loved her.
I phoned Cherry at her office, something I rarely, did. The receptionist said Dr. Noble was busy at the moment, but she'd give her my message. I stared at the blank screen of my word processor and waited patiently. It was almost twenty minutes before Cherry returned my call.
'Can you come over tonight?' I asked her.
'Chas,' she said, 'is something wrong?'
'I need you,' I said.
I hadn't been to a party in ages, and I got real excited about going to Laura Gunther's shindig. Of course I had nothing decent to wear so I went down to Hashbeam's Bo-teek.
'Laura,' I said, 'I bet the only reason you're having this bash is so that all your customers come in for new outfits.'
You got it,' she said, grinning. 'Believe me, you're not the first.
Listen, Mabel, I hope your husband will be there.'
'Well, he's working on Saturday but he promised to show up for an hour or two.'
'Good enough,' she said. 'I'm eager to meet him. Now let's pick out something for you that'll knock everyone dead.'
She had some great sequined sheaths that were to die for, but I had to admit I was a bit too tubby to get into them. We finally settled for an embroidered chemise-type number, tight across the fanny and with a neckline low enough to show cleavage. , 'No bra,' Laura warned. 'Let it all hang out.'
'Suits me,' I said, and I imagined what Herman Todd's reaction would be if he saw me in that dress. Maybe it could be arranged.
I left Hashbeam's in time for my appointment with Dr. Cherry Noble. I told her about the party on Saturday, and how happy I was to get out of the house for a change.
'Is your husband going?' she asked.
'At first he didn't want to. He's working on Saturday, and that stupid job of his comes first. But finally he agreed to stop by for a drink.'
'Mmm,' she said. 'No argument?'
'Not really. Sometimes I think he's trying. We even made love the other night. Whoopee. On a scale of one to ten, about a five. I wish there was a pill I could slip into his macaroni and cheese that would give him a little more oomph.'
Dr. Noble smiled. 'I'm afraid there's no pill like that, Mabel. ' The rest of the session was all about my self- esteem and why I needed to have men wanting me-the only way I could feel important. I figured all women felt that way, but the doc said not so, that self-worth had to come from within, how I felt about myself, and not from the approval of others.
I thought that was a squirrelly idea but I didn't tell her that. And I didn't tell her about the new cocktail dress I had just bought that made my knockers look like a baby's ass.
By the time Saturday rolled around I was in a state. But it was a nice feeling, a real high I hadn't felt for a long time. I had my hair done that morning and even splurged on a manicure. I rushed home a little before noon to shower and dress before driving to the party, fashionably late.
I certainly didn't want to be the first one there.
Chet was in his bedroom with Tania Todd. A lot of his junk was spread out on the floor, and the kids were sorting the stuff into piles.
'What's going on?' I asked.
They looked up at me. 'It's for school, Mrs. Barrow,' Tania said.
'When we go back, we'll have to give talks on how we spent our summer vacations. I'm helping Chet pick out some things for his showand-tell.'
'That's nice,' I said. 'Chet, I'm going out for a while around two o'clock, but I'll be back in time to get supper on the table. Maybe we'll have hot dogs and beans. If you kids get hungry this afternoon, there are jelly doughnuts in the fridge.
Have a good time.'
