'Oh,' I said again, somewhat stiffly. 'Excuse me, Sam. I didn't mean to speak ill of someone you … you, ah …' I could hardly say, 'are screwing,' however apropos it might be. 'You're spending time with,' I finished lamely. 'I'm sure she's lovely once you get to know her. Of course, the fact that she cut my back to bloody ribbons may have something to do with my prejudice against her. I'll try to be more open-minded.' And I stalked off to take an order, leaving Sam openmouthed behind me.
I left a message on Bill's answering machine. I didn't know what Bill intended to do about Portia, and I guessed there was a possibility someone else would be there when he played his messages, so I said, 'Bill, I got invited to that party tomorrow night. Let me know if you think I should go.' I didn't identify myself, since he'd know my voice. Possibly, Portia had left an identical message, an idea that just made me furious.
When I drove home that night, I half-hoped Bill would be waiting to ambush me again in an erotic way, but the house and yard were silent. I perked up when I noticed the light on my answering machine was blinking.
'Sookie,' said Bill's smooth voice, 'stay out of the woods. The maenad was dissatisfied with our tribute. Eric will be in Bon Temps tomorrow night to negotiate with her, and he may call you. The—other people—of Dallas, the ones who helped you, are asking for outrageous recompense from the vampires of Dallas, so I am going over there on Anubis to meet with them, with Stan. You know where I'll be staying.'
Yikes. Bill wouldn't be in Bon Temps to help me, and he was out of my reach. Or was he? It was one in the morning. I called the number I'd put in my address book, for the Silent Shore. Bill had not yet checked in, though his coffin (which the concierge referred to as his 'baggage') had been put in his room. I left a message, which I had to phrase so guardedly that it might be incomprehensible.
I was really tired, since I hadn't gotten much sleep the night before, but I had no intention of going to the next night's party alone. I sighed deeply, and called Fangtasia, the vampire bar in Shreveport.
'You've reached Fantasia, where the undead live again every night,' said a recording of Pam's voice. Pam was a co-owner. 'For bar hours, press one. To make a party reservation, press two. To talk to a live person or a dead vampire, press three. Or, if you were intending to leave a humorous prank message on our answering machine, know this: we will find you.'
I pressed three.
'Fangtasia,' Pam said, as if she were bored more completely than anyone had ever been bored.
'Hi,' I said, weighing in on the perky side to counteract the ennui. 'This is Sookie, Pam. Is Eric around?'
'He is enthralling the vermin,' Pam said. I took that to mean Eric was sprawling in a chair on the main floor of the bar, looking gorgeous and dangerous. Bill had told me that some vampires were under contract to Fangtasia, to put in one or two appearances a week of a stated duration, so the tourists would keep coming. Eric, as an owner, was there almost every night. There was another bar where vampires went of their own accord, a bar a tourist would never enter. I'd never been in it, because frankly, I see enough of bars while I'm at work.
'Could you take him the phone, please, ma'am?'
'Oh, all right,' she said grudgingly. 'I hear you had quite a time in Dallas,' she said as she walked. Not that I could hear her steps, but the noise in the background ebbed and flowed.
'Unforgettable.'
'What did you think of Stan Davis?'
Hmmm. 'He's one of a kind.'
'I like that nerdy, geeky look myself.'
I was glad she wasn't there to see the astonished look I gave the telephone. I'd never realized Pam liked guys, too. 'He certainly didn't seem to be dating anyone,' I said, I hoped casually.
'Ah. Maybe I'll take a vacation to Dallas soon.'
It was also news to me that vampires were interested in each other. I'd never actually seen two vampires together.
'I am here,' Eric said.
'And I am here.' I was a little amused at Eric's phone answering technique.
'Sookie, my little bullet-sucker,' he said, sounding fond and warm.
'Eric, my big bullshitter.'
'You want something, my darling?'
'I'm not your darling, and you know it, for one thing. For another—Bill said you were coming over here tomorrow night?'
'Yes, to tromp up in the woods looking for the maenad. She finds our offerings of vintage wine and a young bull inadequate.'
'You took her a live bull?' I was momentarily sidetracked by the vision of Eric herding a cow into a trailer and driving it to the shoulder of the interstate and shooing it into the trees.
'Yes, indeed we did. Pam and Indira and I.'
'Was it fun?'
'Yes,' he said, sounding faintly surprised. 'It had been several centuries since I dealt with livestock. Pam is a city girl. Indira had too much awe of the bull to be a lot of help. But if you like, the next time I have to transport animals I will give you a call, and you can go along.'
'Thanks, that would be lovely,' I said, feeling pretty confident that was a call I'd never get. 'The reason I called you is that I need you to go to a party with me tomorrow night.'
A long silence.
'Bill is no longer your bedmate? The differences you developed in Dallas are permanent?'
'What I should have said is, 'I need a bodyguard for tomorrow night.' Bill's in Dallas.' I was smacking myself on the forehead with the heel of my hand. 'See, there's a long explanation, but the situation is that I need to go to a party tomorrow night that's really just a … well, it's a … kind of orgy thing? And I need someone with me in case … just in case.'
'That's fascinating,' Eric said, sounding fascinated. 'And since I'm going to be in the neighborhood, you thought I might do as an escort? To an orgy?'
'You can look almost human,' I said.
'This is a human orgy? One that excludes vampires?'
'It's a human orgy that doesn't know a vampire is coming.'
'So, the more human I look the less frightening I'll be?'
'Yes, I need to read their thoughts. Pick their brains. And if I get them thinking about a certain thing, and pick their brains, then we can get out of there.' I'd just had a great idea about how to get them to think about Lafayette. Telling Eric was going to be the problem.
'So you want me to go to a human orgy, where I will not be welcome, and you want us to leave before I get to enjoy myself?'
'Yes,' I said, almost squeaking in my anxiety. In for a penny, in for a pound. 'And … do you think you could pretend to be gay?'
There was a long silence. 'What time do I need to be there?' Eric asked softly.
'Um. Nine-thirty? So I can brief you?'
'Nine-thirty at your house.'
'I am carrying the phone back,' Pam informed me. 'What did you say to Eric? He is shaking his head back and forth with his eyes shut.'
'Is he laughing, even a little bit?'
'Not that I can tell,' Pam said.
Chapter 10
Bill didn't call back that night, and I left for work before sunset the next day. He'd left a message on the answering machine when I came home to dress for the 'party.'
'Sookie, I had a hard time making out what the situation was, from your very guarded message,' he said. His usually calm voice was definitely on the unhappy side. Miffed. 'If you are going to this party, don't go alone, whatever you do. It isn't worth it. Get your brother or Sam to go with you.'
