either possibility.
“You still there?” Carmine says.
I know why I’m feeling a little blue. My abandonment issues are kicking in. The device reminds me of my silver dollar, and the silver dollar reminds me of my original family, all of whom are dead, which reminds me how alone I am in the world. I know what you’re thinking. I’m supposed to look on the bright side, right? Well, maybe you can help me find it. My ex-wife Janet hates me. My daughter Kimberly won’t return my calls except to punish me. The woman I loved, Kathleen, is married to another guy. My girlfriend, Rachel, is a homicidal maniac. When we were together I had to drug her every night to keep her from killing me in my sleep! My close friend and facilitator, Lou Kelly, tried to kill me recently, which has severely impacted our working relationship. My boss at Homeland Security, Darwin, ordered a chip to be planted in my brain so he can kill me whenever it suits him. Callie, my best friend in the world, doesn’t trust me. She used those exact words to describe our relationship recently, and gave me her death stare an hour ago.
And now Gwen wants to pay someone to kill me.
“What did you tell her?” I ask Carmine.
“I said I’d think about it.”
“Doesn’t sound like something a friend would say.”
“If I gave her a quick no, she’d call someone else. This way you can nip it in the bud.”
He’s right.
“Thanks, Carmine.”
“You’re surprised, aren’t you!”
I am.
“I owe you,” I say.
“That’s what I like to hear!”
The PhySpa phone rings, so I tell my friend, the mob boss, I’ve got to run.
“Come see me tonight,” he says. “At the club.”
“Which one?”
“ Top Six.”
“When?”
“Ten.”
I click off the cell phone and pick up the PhySpa phone.
“Who’s this?” I say.
“Tony Spumoni.”
“I was just talking about you,” I say. “Your ears must’ve been burning.”
“You think that’s funny?”
I think it’s hilarious. But what I say is, “What do you want?”
“I want to settle this thing between us.”
“How?”
“I did some checking. I know who you are, what you do.”
“So?”
“Can we meet tonight?”
“Why?”
“I got a proposition for you.”
“You can’t tell me over the phone?”
“I already said too much.”
My cell phone vibrates. Lou Kelly. To Tony I say, “You know the club, Top Six?”
“Carmine Porrello’s club?”
“Yeah.”
“What time?”
“Ten-thirty.”
I hang up the house phone, answer the cell. “That was quick.”
“I’m going to take a stab at this,” Lou says, laughing. “Kimberly’s boyfriend’s a pre-Rapture pet salesman, right?”
“You’re good. You found him?”
“I don’t know where to start. There are hundreds of these guys scattered across the country. I found six in Duval County. Their standard sales pitch is pets have no souls, so they’ll be left behind when the Rapture takes place. If you love your pets, you won’t let them starve.”
“So Kimberly’s boyfriend has to convince them he’s sinful enough to be left behind but loving enough to care for their pets.”
“Odd way to make a buck,” Lou says.
“Anything else?”
“Kimberly’s grades.”
“Do I want to know?”
“You do.”
“Lay it on me.”
“Perfect attendance, A’s in every subject but one.”
“Biology?”
“Right. B plus.”
“He’s a dick.”
“Who, the teacher?”
“Yeah.”
“She said that?”
“She did.”
“Kids talk like that to their parents these days?”
“I don’t know how kids talk. Like we said, she’s pushing my buttons.”
“You say anything to her about it?”
“No. She’s got all the power.”
“How so?”
“She can hang up anytime she wants.”
“You can stop sending her money.”
“And what type of message would that send? Respect me or else?”
Lou pauses a minute. Then says, “Well, at least she’s still enrolled, making good grades. That’s a good thing. And she’s always been a great kid.”
“And still is,” I say. “So yeah, I’m lucky. It could be a helluva lot worse. How about our guy, Jimmy T.?”
“You still want her followed?”
“For a little while. Until I’m completely comfortable about things.”
“I’ll track Jimmy down and put him to work.”
“Thanks, Lou.”
19.
I focus a pinpoint of light on the face of my watch as it turns 9:00 p.m., thinking, two hours ago Gwen Peters asked Carmine “The Chin” Porrello to have me whacked.
I’m in the Las Vegas Zoo, standing by the monkey cage. The monkeys are so surprised to see a visitor after closing time, they actually stop picking their asses to stare at me.
“You talkin’ to me?” I say, channeling my inner Robert DeNiro.
The zoo’s been closed three hours. It was harder to break in than you’d think. Probably because they house endangered cats, apes, and exotic reptiles, so their security needs to be top notch.
